Sharing impressions

[Zebson]

Hello all... Just Sunday, we kind of set our marriage date for mid August. Today, I got home and my Mahal, left me a page and half note, telling me she, how much she loved me....but that she wants to explore and experience her last couple days being single and independant alone (3-7 days as she put it) just to see how it feels here to be on her own. I was abit stunned and upset by the letter naturally, but now I am settling down to understanding or should I say accepting her ways..

Let me give you a little background to preface the situation. First of all my Mahal is very different than most filipinas, she is very independant as am I and we both understood that going into our relationship. She arrived here on June 1st and actually started working beginning her third week here (she's really quite ambitious, but I like and am thankful for that quality), she was working contract assignment for a temp agency which ended, just week before last friday..so she basically worked three weeks straight and then the contract ended. Last week and this week she was looking for work and waiting for the agency to call again for an assignment. She had mentioned before to me in the last week in June (when we were having some of those problems, ie; email stuff..etc..), about wanting to see what it was like to be on her own, to see how she would feel here. I said if that is what you really want to do I said ok..but I indicated then I really wanted to know where you staying, I am responsible for her, etc, and for her to call me. But in the last two weeks I honestly thought she had moved on from that idea, then today boom. She had kept the money she made from work and used it for the shuttle to pick her up and for her stay at the hotel, as she mentioned in the letter also.

I would be interested in hearing others perspective on the situation. Thanks..

Zeb

[outwest77]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Get real man, wake up and smell the coffee,she should be
excited to get married, not running for the hills,
and if this is payback for hurting her,,,,,,,,sheesh
talk about vindictive..............to me its totally
non pinay behavior, and you are just making excuses for
her a mile a minute.....and denying that you are doing that,
and rationalizing till the sun comes up, and psychoanalyzing
her motives blah blah blah.

Shes not serious, shes playing you,

Send Her Home.

[Carrisse]

... in response to Shes playing you, posted by outwest77 on Jul 19, 2001

Ever heard this line?:

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

The lesson to be learned here is not to hurt someone you love.  Because a fragile heart can only take so much.  Here's a Pretender's song that I find so appropriate:

----------

IT'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
IT'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING IN
YOU KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR
AND A VOICE SWEET AND LOW SAYS
"WHO IS IT?"
SHE OPENS UP THE DOOR AND LETS YOU IN
NEVER ONCE ASKS WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
SHE SAYS "ARE YOU HUNGRY?
DID YOU EAT YET?
LET ME HANG UP YOUR COAT
PASS ME YOUR HAT"
ALL THE TIME SHE'S SMILING
NEVER ONCE RAISES HER VOICE
IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
YOU DON'T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT

IT'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
(REPEAT)

THE SWEETEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD
COULD BE THE MEANEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD
IF YOU MAKE HER THAT WAY
YOU KEEP HURTING HER
SHE'LL KEEP BEING QUIET
SHE MIGHT BE HOLDING SOMETHING INSIDE
THAT'LL REALLY, REALLY HURT YOU ONE DAY

I SEE HER IN THE HOSPITAL
BANDAGED FROM FOOT TO HEAD
IN A STATE OF SHOCK
JUST THAT MUCH FROM BEING DEAD
YOU COULDN'T BELIEVE THE GIRL
WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, HA
YOU DIDN'T THINK THE GIRL HAD THE NERVE
BUT HERE YOU ARE
I GUESS ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS

IT'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

-------

Not to scare you Zeb.

[humabdos]

... in response to Out, its actually a known behavior of wo..., posted by Carrisse on Jul 19, 2001

n/t

[Carrisse]

... in response to Yea ,yea, yea, Carr blame it all on Zeb!..., posted by humabdos on Jul 19, 2001

You blame the Pinay so I need to counter your opinion LOL!

[outwest77]

... in response to I'm just balancing out the pendulum of o..., posted by Carrisse on Jul 19, 2001

if she was not going to forgive him she should never
have agreed to the k1 visa

[Carrisse]

... in response to dont you agree her behavior is strange, posted by outwest77 on Jul 19, 2001

women work in strange ways sometimes.

[outwest77]

... in response to I agree but, posted by Carrisse on Jul 20, 2001

I can testify to that by experience )

by the way Hi carisse, How are you my dear

I am going to manila Soon, and I have two women
i want to see, maybe one in cebu,also

i am in a dilemma as to who to go to and how to do it,
but its a fun dilemma.
)
outwest

[Carrisse]

... in response to they sure do, posted by outwest77 on Jul 20, 2001

Thanks for asking.  When are you going to Manila?  Let me know.

[outwest77]

... in response to I am fine, posted by Carrisse on Jul 20, 2001

not sure maybe this month, trying to get a courier
flight from san fran to manila,
cheapest i found RT is 650 but its in september

[KADAMS]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Smell the coffee guy, get rid of her quick. She is up to something and chances are someone has helped with her plan.'

Let her explore the inside of a 747, headed back home.

good luck

[Peaches]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Zeb,

There are a lot of independent Filipinas in this world
and I consider myself one of those.  I was away from
home when I went College. Then, rarely  home when I
start workin'. I only see my family during special days
(e.g. christmas time, holy week).  I don't consider
independency as an excuse for being away from
somebody you love. She went here in US to be with you.
Isn't her action strange?  DO some research! Maybe
she knew somebody here in US.

[humabdos]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Zeb I am looking for the E-mail my ex sent telling me why she is leaving. I will e mail it to you I think you will find it interesting. Humabdos

[tomtneal]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

it sounds like she has already found somebody else,you need to make a door check at night

[FL]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Since there's no real response from filipinas, here are the words from my fiance as she writes them. First, my fiance came here June 11, very independent, went to work, for us two weeks later, abandoned at 12 with three younger siblings to care for, yet still cared for them and graduated with honors from school. She says...."Hi Zeb, I decided to write not to put "wood on the fire" but to open your eyes into reality. I guess you have all now the input and I'm sure the key is yours.
I can't speak in behalf of your fiance, why she's doing it to you? because me either, I don't understand why. I can't find a reason, if you say that she's different from most of the Filipina because of her independence, sorry, for me it's not a reason, I'm also very independent woman, but leaving a notes to a fiancee telling him that she's leaving for a couple of days because she wants to explore and experience being independent in the US, that sounds of immaturity. If she really want to explore alone why she didn't wait you and talk about it? To have a formal discussion before leaving?  Besides the reason for her to come in US is to be with you and spent life together with you and not to explore and experience being independent.
The behavoir she shows is so strange but I guess maybe she learned from you that to question her feelings, she needs to leave a note and be alone. Have an open communication and balance things out before getting into serious commitment(marraige). Learn of her feelings and motives before making decision, not the opinions of others, because saying I Love You is just not on the tip of the tongue. Good Luck and God Bless", Liza