Sharing impressions

[kevin]

... in response to The coldest feet in town., posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

I read Jon's post.  It's hard to understand who might ultimately be at fault.  But the bottom line is the trust is not, and can not be 100%.  I think at this juncture, her feelings for you and the sense of commitment is less than 100%.

I don't know what you did in the earlier stages of the relationship.  But I think at some point, the concept of commitment was (should have been) established on both sides.  Perhaps way back, you weren't sure Helen was the one.  From what you've written about her before, it really breaks my heart for me to think that now this kind of stuff (the boyfriend in Manila, and running off to the hotel) is happening now.

If she didn't truly love you, and she had her doubts about you, I think she should have been up front about it before.  I mean before getting engaged, petitioning, etc.  But after that point, then "Why was she looking elsewhere?"  None of us will probably understand why, but sometimes people do change.

As for myself, two years ago I was engaged to somebody.  I was supposedly the last man she'd ever love, etc.  But (fortunately, in hindsight) the relationship bubble burst.  We'd been apart for a few months.  But when I visited her, there were alot of suspicious elements, including a friend who was sleeping overnight everywhere but at home with her husband.  Yet, my ex-fiancee tried to tell me that such tramp-like behavior (by her friend) was perfectly acceptable in a marriage and that her husband was "generous" because he let her do what she wanted and always gave her money to do it.  Well, I had the creeps.  My visit turned into a nightmare.  I had to accept the facts.  She was hiding a few things that would have ultimatly caused me anguish (being on an expired visa, pinoys use the initials "TNT", as one example).

Well, like it or not, a 180 degree turn.  I escaped the gravitational pull of hell.

- Kevin

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: Sharing impressions, posted by kevin on Jul 17, 2001

Kevin,

You know the routine well! Once they get away with something or are forgiven, the problem only gets much worse. When caught and unable to lie, promises to never hurt you again, are empty and not worth the time it takes to hear them. I now only give one strike and then their out, to become someone else's problem. I am up front about this. I don't give second chances anymore. So far only one woman has made it to third base.

Dave H.

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Re: Sharing impressions, posted by Dave H2O on Jul 17, 2001

..and heading for HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jim --no need to slide either, it ain't even close )))

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Dave ---she's ROUNDING third..., posted by Jimbo on Jul 19, 2001

Hi Jim,

I think you are right. She hit a Grand Slam at the bottom of the 9th inning. Down by 3 in the final game of the World Series. Bases loaded, with 2 outs (my ex-gf and ex-wife), Marife steps up to the plate. The count is now 0 balls and 2 strikes against her (lives 10,000 miles away and expensive long distance calls). I feel confident and tell her I'm going to strike her out. She smiles and says, "It's up to you." I let lose my best pitch. She knocks the ball clean out of the ballpark. I am left sitting in the dirt, stunned, scratching my head (and butt), wondering how this little lady from a poor Third World country did it.  Fortunately, she has let me join her winning team. ;o)) (My exes were retired)

Dave H.

[Jimbo]

... in response to So True..., posted by Dave H2O on Jul 19, 2001

Dave,

That's right, a true Filipina wouldn't take the bat and point to center field like Babe Ruth... that would not be modest!

As Marife crosses the plate the announcer says, "Holy Cow! I now pronounce this game over - you may pat the bride on the butt."

Jim

[jon]

... in response to Sharing impressions, posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Zeb,

First, I do not like saying this.  But I have a bad feeling.
The behavior you described is very strange. "I'll be back"
*POOF*  What happens next time for the oncore?  Please try
to step out of your shoes and lookt it unemotionally.
Yes, easy to say, but please try.

Jon

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: Sharing impressions, posted by jon on Jul 17, 2001

Jon, first...thanks for your thoughts. I can understand how you might feel this way too. Let me tell you a little story...Sometimes when you go through so much stuff mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, etc in life. It leaves you with doubts, like your not sure you can feel again. Almost like you question if you have a heart, compassion or care and or the capacity to love again. Because of my past, I am such a person. Well I put my fiance through so much of my own pain...now I think I am finding out who she is and how she felt. And once again because I left her the last time I was in PI for two weeks and on the last week I just up and left, leaving her a much worse note of my own...In that note I left her with, I told her I couldn't love her like she loved me, that her love was too genuine and good for me..and so I just left her at a resort in the middle of the visayans. It tore her apart...It took me getting on a superferry headed towards Cebu and away from her for me to wake up and realize...finally stop and think that for the first time in my life I found someone that wouldn't let go that would do anything for me. Like other things in my life, I had become an expert and sabotaging love too. This was the first woman that each time I came to PI for a couple weeks I wanted to leave her for a day or two to think about it I did, and each time she accepted me back...That's how afraid I was of commitment. This last time I did it, I came back again and met her in Manila five days after I left her in the Visayans. I ask her forgiveness and told her she had every right to break up with me. But she didn't she just hugged me and held me and said it's Ok..I still love you..All her friends said she was an idiot, and crazy etc...It was then I realized she was really the one. But the damage may have already been done..So now you know the rest of the story. What do you think now?

Zeb

[jon]

... in response to Jon, my unfinished note..., posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

I figured there was more.  It almost sounds like revenge.  Which could be a bad sign too.  When ever you fall down, what will she do to counter it?

I am still bothered by the e-mail info.

Try to stay detached and see things as they are- a tough trick to do.  Otherwise ask us!  We may be wrong, but it will help you think things through.

Jon

[Zebson]

... in response to That's a wrinkle, posted by jon on Jul 18, 2001

Jon, Yup that wrinkle in our developing relationship has really added a lot of uniqueness to both of us learning about accepting each other too. Only time will tell now..

I am so detached from things most the time that this board is my only outlet for some real input with peoples ideas and thoughts and I believe it helps.

Zeb

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Jon, my unfinished note..., posted by Zebson on Jul 17, 2001

Zeb,

Maybe this her chance to pay you back for the pain you have caused her. Or quite possibly she wants to see if she can survive if you leave her again. You can't blame her for that. I must admit that your situation is totally different from any of the experiences I have had. My heart goes out to you.

Good Luck!

Dave H.

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: Jon, my unfinished note..., posted by Dave H2O on Jul 18, 2001

Dave, Yea, that's what I am thinking also..I can't blame her, especially after all we've been through now.

Zeb

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: Sharing impressions, posted by jon on Jul 17, 2001

Zeb,

I know very little about your relationship or your fiancee. I do not like saying this either. But, I also have a bad feeling about this. A long separation, a short happy reunion, secret emails, and now a unnecessary separation.

My ex told me that she "wanted to see if she could make it on her own." Which eventually translated to, "With someone other than me!" This may be only a personal test for your fiancee, but it seems very strange to me. Having been through a similar situation with two different women (Latinas)...right or wrong, I always read between the lines now. Try to look at this as rationally and unemotionally as you can, as Jon suggested. What advice would you give others in a similar situation?

Good Luck!

Dave H.

[Zebson]

... in response to I agree!, posted by Dave H2O on Jul 17, 2001

Dave...Salamat Ko..for your thoughts bro..However, I honestly don't know if I can answer your last question or not. I have in a way put this woman through a lot also (read my note to Jon) probably more than I would ever put up with a from an indecisive uncommiting woman..There are so many things you question when it comes to these things...Naturally I try to look at it from all angles too..before thinking of bailing a forth time for good? I honestly don't know. hmmm:)

Zeb

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: I agree!, posted by Zebson on Jul 18, 2001

Zeb,

I read your "Unfinished Note" to Jon. This is much more complicated than I first thought. I forgot the details that you had mentioned before. My strong feelings have been somewhat neutralized. I just don't know what I would do in your shoes. In my experiences, the answer was obvious, though I often chose to ignore it. You know we are here to support you in any way we can. I would really like to see a Filipina's perspective.

Keep the faith bro!

Dave H.

[Carrisse]

... in response to I just don't know either..., posted by Dave H2O on Jul 18, 2001

I don't know the whole story so I can't comment. But you do look buff in that picture.