Annulment Granted

[Ken2]

Thanks for the feed back.   Here is what I percieved to be the biggest mistakes with my ex-wife (if you want to call her that).  

1. yes,  because she was a Christian I "thought" this would ensure  her commitment to her "vows"
2.  She had family here (illegally- she told me after the fact)

3. The courtship was short... on my first visit she was totally stressed with her job,  which influenced her to "want out"  of the economic struggle/work related problems.  On the other end, many people on this board stressed if you make a commitment of some type the lady will move on to find another willing, more certain individual.
Ironically,  she said later that the courtship was too quick and she did not knw me. This is the only thing she takes responsibility for in  this failed rrelationship.
4.  She was 33 and set in her ways, stubborn and had a voice in alot of the house hold issues even thought she was not the oldest (this says something...I tried to look at it as a strenght, turned out different.

Finally,
She knew my situation thouroughly, but later claimed she thought I had this, that and the other.  She made excuse after excuse which only confirmed she wanted out.  She refused to sign divorcee papers, so I had the union annulled.  She plans on returning to Colombia by this Summer.  

Now Ive come to believe that charactor is more important than religious beliefs (within orthodoxy).
Along with other things thta I mentioned earlier.

Best of luck in your search ....I am planning to visit Barranquilla Cartagena this April/ May.  In this whole process I have seen that many Latin ladies are sincere and honest.

Ken

[Pete E]

... in response to Annulment Granted, posted by Ken2 on Feb 21, 2003

Ken,
I agree,character is very important.
But there is another ingredient that is extremely important.How she really feels about you.Is there chemistry?Is she inamored with you?This could be a combination of attraction and other qualities you have that make her think "this guy is great'". Jealousy is talked about as a negative but if she is jealous of you it seems to indicate she thinks you are hot and is afraid some other girl might also.
Actually I think unless there are big character flaws how she feels about you  may be the most important factor.If she just wants to marry you for the benefits pretending to be in love with you could wear out over time.How she really feels will come back after she has long taken all the benefits for granted.
Another thing about character.I don't mean to say it is flexible,but alot of latinas are prone to not admit the truth when it is inconvenient.Even some we might describe as having good character will do this I think.I think deny and excuse and rationalise is almost cultural here.I don't want to start another war and say "all Colombianas" as someone did a while back,but I think there is alot of truth in what the guy said.If your girl really cares for you you may not have experienced much of this.There was probably nothing for her to hide or deny.If she doesn't really love  you may have experienced some of this even if she could be described as basically a good person.People tend to look out for themselves and Colombianas seem to be good at it.
My advice.Yes make sure she has very good character,but also make sure she really cares about you and is not just going for the perks.Even girls of good character will do that sometimes.Or maybe its a little less extreme.She likes
you,think you will be a good husband,wants the benefits and thinks she can live without being crazy about you or maybe thinks she can grow to care for you.Look out.Take enough time and really test the relationship to find out going in.
I think fiance visas are a good idea here.I know I have said in the past that its to the guys advantage and the girls disadvantage,which I think is true.But if she won't do one maybe she doesn't feel strongly enough for you.
Mistakes can be costly.Reminds me of the old song "too many fish in the sea" - "pretty girls are a dime a dozen(I never belived that part untill I went to Colombia),you gotta find one who's gonna to give you true lovin".

Pete

[surfscum]

... in response to Annulment Granted, posted by Ken2 on Feb 21, 2003

Your statement that character matters more really resonated with me. I'm divorced from my AW (AxW) and now believe that character is the most important factor in a marriage. The question is, does she have the kind of character to act according to her beliefs in tough times, or is she going to do what she wants regardless of what she "believes." It's hard enough to know that in a "normal" relationship; it's much harder in a LDR across continents.