It worked.

[Bear]

Honey started telling everyone I was out of work.  Amazingly in less than a week most everything is back to normal.  Even the neighbors are nicer.  

I kinda' felt sorry for this one neighbor's kids though.  They have two daughters.  One is marrying a Japanesse guy (which her parents say will make them rich) and the other just was dropped by a Greek dude because she admitted she was epileptic.  The Filipina/Japanesse couple will suffer from the same thing Honey and I did.  There not even married and the parents and neighbors are already licking the chops.

I was very surprised about the epileptic girl though.  Thats not a life threatneing ailment and is very treatable.  

It really is amazing how the people of the R.P. see the marriage of their children to foreigners as an end of their need to help themselves.  I really see no problem helping anyone in need but it blows me away to think that they now think its my responsiblility or even their childrens responsibility, to take care of and provide for them and that they feel that they are more or less "retired" because of it.  Just selfish and lazy to me.

[jim in the pis]

... in response to It worked., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

since we were married, joanne has not been asked for anything by any member of her family! yea i am shocked also.
but to her friends, its all the time asking for money, all of there little emergency's land at our door. she has told them no, then they say, you are married to ferner, you have lots of money, joanne says, he is poor ferner, has no money.
i don't go shopping with her, not because i don't want to, but she picks up mango's its 30 a kilo, if i am along, its 50 a kilo, and this from 12 year old kids
greedy people.
jjj

[Bear]

... in response to Re: It worked. my wife's view, posted by jim in the pis on Jul 6, 2001

I noticed that too when i went places with Honey.  It was really agrivating.  So I just let her keep the money and pay for everything.  Cost ppl a lot of tips.

Bear

[tomtneal]

... in response to Re: It worked. my wife's view, posted by jim in the pis on Jul 6, 2001

and never buy peanuts from a child on the streets ,you are branded on all 7,000 islands
tneal

[kevin]

... in response to It worked., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

I'd like to bring up a point.  Somewhere in the string, somebody criticized you for lying.  Well, a thought just sunk in.  You (and Marissa) had to tell a "white" lie for the sake of your own survival.

Of the folks that you had to lie to, are they not the same people who first lied to you.  Who first snuck behind your back, but you had to pay for their actions?  I'm referring to the surprise phone charges that you had to pay.

If this is merely a cultural misunderstanding, that I think it's important to convey the truth that it's a myth that all white men are rich.  Just as much is that there is no such thing as Santa Claus, or a free lunch.

They should not treat you any differently than they would if you were a Filipino man who married their daughter because you were both very much in love with each other.

The "freeloading" mentality annoys me.  This is exactly why there is a common negative association among Filipinos and other Asians in America.  I think at the very least, assuming that Marissa's parents still love each other very much, that should be the model that they would expect their daughter to have in a relationship.  For richer or for poorer.  The fact that you are better off economically ought to be regarded as a nice benefit, but not the answer to all their problems.

It seems you are being taken advantage of.  They are hurting you and hurting Marissa.  Do they care to realize that?  Where is the gratitude?  Where is the appreciation?  It seems that you've already done alot for them.  Economically, they can't return the favor, but they can show appreciation in other ways, if they cared to.  Suppose all this stress caused you to die of a heart attack.  I wonder how they would react or feel then.  This is a classic example of "killing the goose that laid the golden egg".

- Kevin

[tomtneal]

... in response to Re: It worked., posted by kevin on Jul 6, 2001

Kevin
AS a child my mother always said well it is just a white lie, now i am grown,well a white lie is just flat out a lie
tneal

[Bear]

... in response to Re: It worked., posted by kevin on Jul 6, 2001

Thats a very good point.  They don't expect Filipino men to help.

Its also amazing to me that when I was there any woman who wasn't obedient to her husband was the focus of the scorn of all the women in the community but let her try and do like I ask and she an evil selfish child?

Bear

[tomtneal]

... in response to Re: Re: It worked., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

now,now,hold your temper

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: It worked., posted by kevin on Jul 6, 2001

Kev: I wasn't necessarily criticizing Bear for the lie, though rereading my post it appears as such. I just wanted to point out that it solved nothing but only delayed the inevitable - he WILL have to eventually deal with it, whether he defers it further by another lie or not. These things tend to develop patterns. That they're "selfish and lazy" in Bear's eyes, doesn't necesarily mean they're selfish and lazy in Marissa's eyes. While she may agree with Bear on the surface to please him - parents are parents and after the honeymoon is over there might just be some resentment here, as of yet unexpressed, or maybe even unrecognized. As I said below, I really don't have a good suggestion to offer. I just know that when dealing with families, tread lightly, because "...anything you say can, and will be used against you..." That I know for sure. It sounds like a siutuation that needs handling now lest it turn from a molehill into a mountain.

-- Jeff S.

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Re: It worked., posted by Jeff S on Jul 6, 2001

Honey and I discuss everything.  We talk often about the importance of being opne and communicating.  Especially since we have seen some of the problems that oocurre to some of the guys on this board.  And I have seen her be firm and strong so I know if she ever turns it on me I'm in for a long nasty spell.  It will be worked out before she comes here if I have to go there and do it myself.

Bear

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: It worked., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

Glad to hear it Bear. I'm happy to see you've got he intention of meeting this head on. Best of luck to you and your sweetie. She sounds like a real gem.
-- Jeff S.

[humabdos]

... in response to It worked., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

n/t

[Stephen]

... in response to It worked., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

How many brothers and sisters does Honey have?

As I recall from an earlier post you have committed to sending them all to college.

Stephen

[Bear]

... in response to Hey Bear....., posted by Stephen on Jul 6, 2001

4 Brothers, 1 sister.  Thats true and I will.

Bear

[The Mog]

... in response to Re: Hey Bear....., posted by Bear on Jul 6, 2001

Bear, its only a suggestion, but maybe some small "token" gifts here and there, Western Union them $50 or something once in a while, maybe they would ease up on your honey a bit. Not on any kind of time schedule, just whenever u feel like it, surprises are always more fun anyway !...