getting fornicated

[JimSimon]

As I’ve documented on this board, I was married for a year to a Caleña who pretended to love me just long enough to get her papers.  She desperately tried to extort more money out of me, turned down a generous divorce offer out of pure greed and was awarded nothing in our divorce settlement when the judge saw through her transparent lies.

From a lot of the posts on this board plus my own experience, I wanted to mention how the legality of prostitution in Colombia may affect this process.  In her Cali life, Nidia was the furthest thing from a prostitute.  She had a professional job and had very little sexual experience.  She told me I was her second sex partner and from her inexperience, I believe this was one thing she told me the truth about.

The same month that I paid for Nidia’s work documents and bought a second car so she could drive she moved out of our bedroom.  We only had sex two times after that, both because she offered to have sex with me.  Once was after her birthday.  Her daughter had planned a birthday party for Nidia and did not invite me to it.  This was when I thought there was hope for our relationship and I was upset.  Nidia had sex with me to make it up to me.

The second time, several months later, I took Nidia to a play and out to eat and she thanked me by suggesting we have sex.  In the spring, she offered to have sex with me for $100.  When I refused she told me she was only kidding.  However she asked me to pay her $100 for sex on three different occasions.  I told her, “Nidia, when someone chooses a occupation, they should normally chose something they are good at”.  

Sexually inexperienced Nidia, thought nothing of trading sex for what she wanted and she did it openly and without shame.  Friends tell me she is now trolling the Internet for a new victim to secure her place in the US so she doesn’t get deported.  Every gringo who looks in Colombia must know the following:
   --women and desperate to leave and with good reason
   --once here, the woman will have an instant network of      countrymen who can give her advise on how to defraud you and cheat the system.

When I talked to the INS about what happened to me, they tell me there are thousands of similar cases of Colombians getting here on K-1 visas without being in love with the man who brought them here.  It is another name for high-class prostitution and we must all ask ourselves if the fornicating we are getting is worth the fornicating we will get.

Cuidanse mucho,

Jim

[Pete E]

... in response to getting fornicated, posted by JimSimon on Dec 11, 2002

Jim,
I have thought of the prostitution analogy alot also.In you case you could have got a whole lot more for what you spent with a professional.You pay your money,you get what you were after. Compared to a bad marriage where you pay your money,and your feelings,and get zip.Makes the hooker look honest by comparison.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to getting fornicated, posted by JimSimon on Dec 11, 2002

nt

[JimSimon]

... in response to How long were you married before the div..., posted by Pete E on Dec 11, 2002

We were married September 10, 2001 and the divorce trial was September 12, 2002.  In October 2001, after the papers and the car, she moved out of my bedroom.  I spend four months trying to save the marriage but all Nidia wanted was my money and for me to stay out of her life.  

The marriage lasted less than two months before she stopped pretending to love me so the answer is two months to twelve months depending on how you want to calculate it.  

Jim

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: How long were you married before the..., posted by JimSimon on Dec 12, 2002

Did you live together the other 10 months?that sounds very difficult.I understand,I really do,I have put up with some things I shouldn't have and never thought I would have over love or attachment to a woman.Its one thing to give advice or say what you would do in a situation,another thing to live in the situation.
Costa Rica could be good,I have even thought it could be a good place to live with a Colombiana since Colombia is so dangerous.Some time I think I would like to retire to a latin country.I could if I wanted now,just not quite ready I guess.I probably would do that if my marriage didn't work.
I know its good to be carefull after what you have been through,but a good relationship would let you put it behind you faster than anything.Maybe thats an option living in a latin country,living with someone untill you know its going to work.There is so much pressure to marry to bring them here.
Hang in their Jim.Hopefully I can buy you a cervesa some day.

Pete

[JimSimon]

... in response to Re: Re: How long were you married before..., posted by Pete E on Dec 12, 2002

Hi Pete,

We lived together from late October to early June with her in a separate bedroom.  She called 911 six times, so much that we were on the 911 "do not respond" list.  

One day in April, she couldn't find her cell phone and was certain I took it.  She spent two hours alternating between yelling at me asking why I would take her phone (exactly Nidia, WHY WOULD I TAKE YOUR PHONE), searching the house especially my room and calling 911 who refused to come.  Finally she stole my car keys and I asked 911 to come and get them back.

A nice office came, searched the house and found her phone in her car where she had left it.  I live on an acre of land with animal holes all over and if I had taken her phone and put it in one of them, she couldn't have found it in 50 years.  Did she apologize?  No way.  Nidia is always right and is certain I "hid" her phone in her car.  She yelled at me constantly in front of her children.  It was not a pleasant eight months.  

I'm just glad the court saw through her lies and gave her nothing.  Now her goal is to find another person who she can play like she did me.  

Jim

[Pete E]

... in response to getting fornicated, posted by JimSimon on Dec 11, 2002

Jim,
Screwed every way but literally,I can understand your anger at the situation.You may have answered this before,but wasn't the move to another bedroom tip off enough to get out of this situation?Prolonging it past that point just gets you in deeper.But I know there is an emotional hook here.We don't want to give up when there seeems any hope at all.
Are you still going to pursue latin women?

Pete

[JimSimon]

... in response to Re: getting fornicated, posted by Pete E on Dec 11, 2002

I have a job offer to work in Costa Rica next year and I may take it.  CR isn't a good place to look for a wife since most Ticas love CR and don't want to leave. I'm not anxious to get married again and don't know if I can ever trust another woman.  That is Nidia's legacy but I'm sure I'll recover.

Every lie Nidia told me makes me seems like an idiot not to have seem it as a lie.  In March 2001, she was here on a tourist visa and asked me to pay some debts and she could stay here forever.  I paid and a week later she returned to Colombia.  Some BS about her job.  I was upset but I should have dumped her but I didn't.

She was in the other bedroom for two months before I contacted my lawyer.  Her daughter throwing a birthday party for Nidia and excluding me finally woke me up.  I loved her so much that if she has compromised on a few things, she could have keep me on the string for a long time.  

Her Colombian friends convinced her that she already had me by the huevos and would get loads of money from me so why pretend to love me.  My only consolation is that she ran up huge credit card debts (he own cards) planning to pay for it with my money.  She turned down $5000 and the judge gave her NADA.  

According to the INS, Colombianas marrying gringos for a visa is a major industry.

Jim

[jim c]

... in response to getting fornicated, posted by JimSimon on Dec 11, 2002

Dear get F  'ed
 Boy are you grinding an axe. INS would not do any thing so you come here to compare a woman of "limited experience" to a prostitute on a public forum. It smells bad. Why would her daughter not invite you to her birthday party? Was the daughter sellin tickets? Why did she move out of your bedroom. I think there was more conflict going on than sex for cash and I for one, think your version is rather one sided. You could make five gallons of vineger from those sour grapes.
  I have been on this forum for two years and continue to be irritated by the bizaar excuses the men here use to blame the women for their failures. The big one is always she married me for a green card. She's nothing but a hooker. Did any one here ever think about getting familiar with a woman before he married her. But I have to admit, a girl is just as responsible for marrying a wacko she does not know. JIM C

[JimSimon]

... in response to Re: getting fornicated, posted by jim c on Dec 11, 2002

I don't know you and certainly anyone can consider my experiences as a valued lesson or as bitterness.  

Nidia had been married in Cali for 17 years.  After five years, she found out he was running around and she kicked him out of the bedroom.  He continued to live with her in her parents house (and still does so) in a separate bedroom so Nidia thinks this is natural.  There was no violence, no sexual incompatibility, just Nidia's unilateral decision that she prefered her privacy.

Nidia had filed for divorce a year before we met but she didn't tell her daughter about it until she met me.  So Ana celcilia learned about us both at the same time. She hated me and was able to articulate quite eloquently that I wasn't a part of their family and shouln't be included in Nidia's birthday celebration.  I was allowed to take them all out to eat the next night but not on her birthday.  

I made tons of mistakes, went too quickly and ignored red flags.  Admiting my stupidity in public isn't my idea of a good time.  I offer my ancedotes so that people may be aware that this possibility exists and may even be really common.

Jim

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Re: getting fornicated, posted by JimSimon on Dec 12, 2002

I got fooled by one, too, and there were plenty of red flags.  You don't need to feel guilty about her dishonesty.  But at least in my case, there was no "separate beds" gameplaying.  How long did you let her stay in separate beds?  For me, if the woman's not showing affection I have no interest in draining my wallet for her.  If she wants separate beds it's "out the door" time .

Steve

[JimSimon]

... in response to Been there, done that, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 12, 2002

We were married and I had signed an afadavit of support.  There was no remedy short of the courts.  She had being married to me in her favor but her friends convinced her this not only bought her six months free room and board but a piece of my wallet.  

My lawyer tore her apart in court.  Nidia believes that if she said something that made it true but the court did not share her opinion.  After humiliating me and making me suffer for nine months, it was a joy to see her run out of the court crying after the trial.  

Jim

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Been there, done that, posted by JimSimon on Dec 12, 2002

Jim

I'm not sure what your comment meant, but signing the Affidavit of Support does not obligate you to stay married to her or to let her stay in your house.  If she has no desire to leave you may need a court order to get her out, depending upon the laws of your state, but the Affidavit of Support doesn't come into play here.

What the Affidavit of Support does is basically 2 things:

Until she becomes a citizen, earns several years Social Security work credit, or you die:

1 - The government can sue you to recover any money it spends on her.

2 - She can sue you if you do not maintain her income at a minimum of 125% of the poverty level.

The current poverty level for a mother and 1 or 2 children is around $15,000 per year.  125% of that would be about $18,000.  If she makes $5 per hour, she might be able to sue you for about $5,000 per year.  If she makes about $10 or more per hour you are probably out of the woods on number 2.  Number 1 could be bad news if she or a child gets a serious illness.  You might want to consider maintaining some kind of catastropic insurance on them after divorce.

I believe that this law is unconstitutional on several grounds and could be defeated in the courts.  I hope someday that someone does so.

Furthermore, suing and collecting are two different things.  You can rest assured that if I get sued on an Affidavit of Support someday I am going to consult an attorney about how I can protect my assets from collection.

Steve

[JimSimon]

... in response to Affidavit of Support, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 12, 2002

Very good information and if fact I worried more about the A of S than I needed to.  However the requirement to support her 125% above the poverty line would have obligated me to support her if I had kicked her out.  

In late May she sent her kids back to Colombia for the summer on a credit card she thought the divorce settlement (her entitlement) would pay for.  In mid-June she stopped coming home and in mid-July I changed the locks.  Nidia's lawyer tried to claim I had locked her out of her house but she had rented an apartment and was buying stuff for it so this was another lie that didn't work.  

Essentially the marital laws and the INS laws have no reltion to one another.  If I had made her leave I would have had to pay for her living expenses which is why I prefered not to make her leave.

Jim

[corv]

... in response to Re: getting fornicated, posted by jim c on Dec 11, 2002

Why so cruel to Jim? The guy went through hard times. If it helps to get things of his chest to people he doesn't know, let him vent. If the roles were reversed you wouldn't need to get things off your chest..come on..