Women are Women

[Onephd]

As my Brazilian, Portuguese and American friends that travel abroad have said to me a thousand times, Women are Women.

I think that somehow we go to LA and become victim to the Halo effect. We sometimes think that these women are not as cruel or deceiving as an American women. This is the biggest mistake we can make.  The language barrier makes it "almost" impossible for us the really know someone after a few months much less a few days.  There are tons of good women both here and in LA.  However, we as men cannot drop out guard when we hit the border just because we have some preconceived belief or because the women are more affectionate, or beautiful.  You still have to do your homework.   The only true advantage to using a marriage agency is that both the men and women know that each is looking for marriage.  But that is all we know.  Motives for marriage remain a mystery for both the man and the woman often until it it too late for both.

I think it is unfair to criticize men who get burned in this process and pretend that the women involved are somehow the extreme rare cases.  It is very possible for a LA woman to pull the wool over your eyes for a few months, especially if she only has to do a few times (your 3-5 day visits).  Just think  about you.  Women here the US can fool the hell out of a man they are living with 24/7.  And again I state, women are women (men are men for that matter).

I think the best way to understand what I am trying to say is to find a LA woman that you can converse with honestly and get to know them.  You'll soon discover that some of these women have  the same agenda as any other women.  

Finally remember this.  Several men have stated (and I've see this first hand) how the women are protective of their men.  Well this should tell us that a lot of women are willing to steal other women's men.  I mean, we should gather from this that many women are willing to do whatever to get "their man" and what ever comes with it, but we somehow ignore the possibility that some of these same women are less than honest and innocent at the same time.

Now I'm not saying that the only reason women are affectionate in LA is because they want to protect their territory, because their are women that are just affectionate, but look at this from all different angles.

I'm not bashing LA, because I hope to find my true love there one day.

I am also a very true believer and lover of LA women(any good woman for that matter regardless of nationality).  I do believe that there are a larger quantity of good women there, but I also acknowledge that there is also a large quantity of bad women there, more so than most men give credit for.

just my .05 - ha ha-

[gmello]

... in response to Women are Women, posted by Onephd on Dec 11, 2002

first off i want to thank the guys on these board for great info

me being a past player with a/w , like most of us on this board. when going to latin america  we must always have are guards up. fellas we live in  america we deal with the dating seen here the games women play here they also play in latin america dont be a fool. take the latin women as the come to you. meaning if she act nice and caring look behind that because that may be a front she is trying to put on. when you choose your latin wife put her thru a gruiling test not physically but, mentaly get in her life as quick as possible. find out every little thing you can go to her parents talk to then the may give you ahint thats she is just a player. find out where she works if you have time go see. you basicly want to see what type of level she is on in her city take a interprater with you if you dont speak spanish. it may sound pricey but it much cheaper then going thru all these horor stories that i have read on this board. find out about her friends too. the people who she is around all the tome they will give you so many clues. the will. example if all she talks about is coming to usa to be rich and takes you to the mall and all she does is shopfor herself or even just window shops. that will tell you she is albout her self. not a keeper at all. she should be there to take care of you to see what you want out of this mall. you must remmber that its all about you and what you want.

if you guys need more advice just let me know and i will make sure all you guys find the perfect latina

[papa suave]

... in response to Women are Women, posted by Onephd on Dec 11, 2002

all around. I do disagree somewhat with a couple of things you said. Referring to the "marriage agency" comment, I've met several women who are not necessarily interested in anything more than meeting people from other countries. In some cases the women simply want to always have someone to take them out, spend money on them, etc. I know of quite a few women in Cali who practically make a career out of exploiting gringos. I think in most cases the agencies call themselves "introduction agencies" to avoid the marriage stigma.

The other point that I need to comment on is your theory on the possesive nature of LW. While I agree that they are very jealous by nature and usually unjustifiably so, many are reacting from experience. From talking to many muchachas, Colombianos in general are pretty much players and will run around on their women. I realize that this is also a sales pitch that the muchachas are seemingly encouraged by the agencies to throw at the gringo but I believe that there is some validity there. Of all of the Colombianas I have dated only 2 come to mind whose parents are still together. This tells me that divorce rates are extremely high in Colombia. I have also witnessed Colombian men in action chasing girls even if they are married. I asked one guy about this. His reply was "I'm married but I'm not dead." That being said, it is somewhat understandable as to the nature and reactions of some of these girls. It doesn't make it any less frustrating though.

That was a great post and I think it will raise some interesting conversation from several of us.

[Hiker]

... in response to Women are Women, posted by Onephd on Dec 11, 2002

Yep I totally agree with ya.  I like the looks and warmth of a Latin woman and that is why I looked there.  There are many good qualities I found to be the norm and of course there are exceptions to the norm in anything.  There were also bad qualities that seemed to be the norm as well.  An example is honesty.  In Mexico I found the women to be honest to a fault, but in Colombia I noticed that to tell a lie is just a way of life and accepted.  I think it is a big mistake to believe that Cali is heaven and every girl there is an angel.  Taking the good with the bad I still choose Colombia over the US in looking for a mate.  When someone post how all AW are evil and all LW are wonderful suggests to me that the poster is most likely the person with the issue, not the AW.  

[denvermike]

... in response to Women are Women, posted by Onephd on Dec 11, 2002

Hi,

I think you have made some very valid points.  It is my opinion that finding a life long loving relationship with any woman from any culture is not a simple task.  Trying to base a relationship on a just a few face to fact visits, plus some followup phone calls and emails, is risky, and that is why there is so many reports of problem relationships.

I live in a LA country (Chile), I have all the time in the world, and I have dated 10 plus senoritas in the last 12 months, and I am still looking to find the one.  If you base your choice simply on that fantasy girl look, and great sex, you will find it but you could be in a world of hurt some day if that is the only basis.  

I have dated some really good looking, much younger women, and it takes time (at least for me) to really understand their background, their family life, their culture, their wants and needs, their career aspirations, and much more.

I have made some major cultural gaffs and not even known it until later. Believe me, Latin woman or not, they are all different.  In the last year, I have had some really nasty surprizes.

As a gringo in a Latin country, you are like a pouchlight to a June bug at night, for any gold diggers in the neighborhood.  You have to be really careful to sort out and find the genuine ones.  Let's face it, were are guys, our initial attraction is physical, but to make a relationship work, it takes more than hormones.

Good luck,
mike

[hunted01]

... in response to Re: Women are Women, posted by denvermike on Dec 11, 2002

Mike, good reasoning my man !!! as I am about to quest
on an adventure with an SA woman I read these forums
and get good info and this makes me think very hard
about my journey. Lets face it though, the same thing
can happen all over the WORLD, but when it comes to
adventuring outside of your country you MUST be very
careful. Having said this I think at one time in our
lives we all have been SCAMED !!! I think you must
tell yourself before getting into the LA relationship,
how far one must go before cutting your losses? This
is difficult because of the $$$$$ to bring them into
your country and the changes that may occur from the
lady once she arrives ??   VERY TOUGH !!!!

any responses?

[colman]

... in response to Women are Women, posted by Onephd on Dec 11, 2002

Yes their are women in Latin America that can be very deceptive but on a whole I think the percentage pale in comparison to American(all types) women. I think it is unfair to criticize men who get burned by Latin American women. Yes you are right about that, but sooner or later if you dig deep enough, most of these men had unrealistic physical expectations and failed to catch "red flags" so obvious to a thrifty observer. One has to do thier "part" to have realistic goals and expectations when meeting thier soulmate. For example, men should not complain if its hard to communicate with Latin women because they dont know Enlish. Well learn Spanish--its worth it. Latin women will see this as a good sign. Remember yes you can go to Latin America have the "I'm American" sign plastered on your forehead and have scores of beautiful women running towards you, but you have to ask what are thier intentions. The point is their are an infinite number of things one can do to attract women whom are genuinely interested in the same ideas, values, lifestyles that you are. God Bless--Colman

[chevy]

... in response to good points.....but disargee somewhat, posted by colman on Dec 11, 2002

[This message has been edited by chevy]

 I think that most failed relationships are the fault of the men.Not all but most. Assuming the following: The woman truly loved you to begin with.The women have good character and are not out to scam you. I think women respond more acutely to the way we treat them than we do to them. In other words. They get hurt more easily when we ignore them or do not talk to them
in affirming ways. Words have power and we forget that when dealing with them. We do damage to the love they have for us
when we are not kind and speak harshly.
 I'm speaking for myself as I examine how I have failed with women who were genuine opportunities. Women, in the majority of the cases are the ones to file for divorce. They either expect better from us or we have failed them or both. I'm not saying they are perfect. I think they are at fault too. But,we have more power over them than we realize because we are the initiators, we are the ones trying to win them over, most often.Once they love us we can keep their love by nuturing it.They thrive on it and need it. Ignore their need and we will lose them.
  So if I get another chance with someone I'll have to remember I am fortunate to have her and realize I can easily destroy it if I am not mindful of what she needs and how easily she can be hurt.

[toucanrich]

... in response to Re: good points.....but disargee somewha..., posted by chevy on Dec 11, 2002

chevy

I think you are right.  Over all we create our own problems.
Also I think that the difference in the cultures and the lanuage barrier that leaves a big gap for miss understandings.  I saw a lot of this when I went to Paraguay even dealing with other males on things that I wanted carried out.  We are dealing with the "manana" mentality.

Richard

[papa suave]

... in response to Re: good points.....but disargee somewha..., posted by chevy on Dec 11, 2002

so which player in the game truly has the power? Especially in the US, it's the woman.

[colman]

... in response to Re: good points.....but disargee somewha..., posted by chevy on Dec 11, 2002

Yes my friend I am 28 and learning how to be patient with women. You have to pick up their nuances, sometimes they hide things from you. They want you to make an effort, they can respect that. I am learning that a serious relationship in order to survive must be worked at from both people in the relationship.--Colman

[wizard]

... in response to Re: good points.....but disargee somewha..., posted by chevy on Dec 11, 2002

same mistakes 3 or 4 times, you might learn something... Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, saw the video and finally got rid of the scars... I call it the complacency factor... Once the fire and passion have diminished in a relationship and you drop into the everyday routine, you begin to take each other for granted... Sometimes actually resenting your partner for "trapping" you in the relationship... You or your partner soon do not feel appreciated and everything escalates from there...

Most of the time it's both parties fault... If you lose touch with what is important to your partner and stop trying to fulfill those needs, your sunk...

Keeping a relationship alive by nuturing it is the only answer...

[toucanrich]

... in response to And after you make, posted by wizard on Dec 11, 2002

Wizard,

I thought that relationship was to go from fire and passion to fitting like a old shirt, or a baseball glove or saying the samething at the same time or just looking at each other and not having to say anything.

Richard

[Andean Condor]

... in response to Re: good points.....but disargee somewha..., posted by chevy on Dec 11, 2002

Sure enough...

Seems to me that chevy certainly has a point there.  I know that I've also blown wonderful opportunities, simply because I took my good fortune for granted.  Women, in general, are much more fragile than men and thus it is easier to damage a relationship with spiteful words said in the heat of the moment.  You can give, but you can't take back.  Let's all take that one to heart.  

-Andeancondor

[Onephd]

... in response to good points.....but disargee somewhat, posted by colman on Dec 11, 2002

actually I think we both agree completely.  I didn't elaborate on the part that men play in all this.  I think you absolutely right on target.  I too believe that there aer more good women down there than here. Hence my involvement, ha ha ha

I guess my major point (as is your's too I imagine) is that we men somehow, for some reason change or loose our rational thought processes when we head down south. ha ha