length of courtship

[mudd]

... in response to Re: length of courtship, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 14, 2002

i met my girlfriend almost 15 months ago. when i met her, she had another year and a half to finish to get her business degree. i was a little turned off by this, because she stated that her school would come first, and her dating second. the first few months were pretty casual between us, because be both knew she had to finish school. if i met another girl who was as nice and as beautiful as her, i probably would have quit dating her, but i didnt and the more time we spent together, the more we fell in love(ok, dont puke!) we both decided to get married after she finished school. she graduated last week, so i filed the papers a few weeks ago. i asked her about dating in colombia, and her idea of a normal realtionship was dating for at least two years. her older sister dated her husband for four years before they god married. they are still married, and they have three great children. everybody is diffrent, and so is each realtionship. i have known couples who dated for two months and less, got married, and are still married after 20 years, so who in the hell knows!!!!! best advice, look for red flags, dont feel pressured, know her true personality and her family.

[Onephd]

... in response to length of courtship, posted by chevy on Dec 14, 2002

was she referring to a marriage between an American man and a Colombian woman? or a traditional colombian marriage?

It would be very interesting if the two lengths of time were not the same.

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: length of courtship, posted by Onephd on Dec 14, 2002

Good you brought that up because from what I've seen and heard here Col/Col engagements usaully last at least two years and often more. Some of this is due to the couple needing time to ready themselves financially but even when that's not an issue one year is lightning speed for traditional Colombians.

[chevy]

... in response to Re: length of courtship, posted by Onephd on Dec 14, 2002

She was referring to an american man and a colombian woman.
She told me this to illustrate a friend she has in colombia who was involved with a american. He courted her.He visited her,she visited him, she wanted to get married after year one. He wanted to take a little more time. She broke it off.
 She got involved with a colombian male, moved in with him, had a baby and he still has not married her. She now realizes she made a mistake. It looks like the colombian will never marry her but she is trapped for now, financially at least, until she can leave him and go to her parents. She still has delusions he will marry her but it has been 2 years.
  She should have stuck with the american guy.

[Onephd]

... in response to Re: Re: length of courtship, posted by chevy on Dec 14, 2002

It appears that there are some interesting dynamics going both ways in that the Colombian women expect more from American men and we encourage this type of behavior by becoming smitten once bitten..

Its the kind of thing that probably can't be fixed as its just part of the process.  A Colombia woman sees a friend get married within 6 months of joining an agency or meeting a man via agency and they expect the same.  they see a man being patient as a "red flag" and perhaps we want to move faster as we somehow think we have found the woman of out dreams or because we want to show our sincerity.  Thus its a never ending perpetual cycle.  The girls move faster and expect more because we move faster.  

So my advice to anyone is to be true to yourself.  If she is right for you, and sincere, she wont rush into anything.  I would really be scared if the girl was young. I expect an lady in her mid 30's to have a better feel for her desires and wants. Even so, I'd  expect a woman in her 30's to wait and take her time a little.  They probably have a better idea of what's involved in marriage and relocation. Not saying that a younger woman can't be mature or know what she wants, but its just the odds.  

just my .02