"Cristina" archives show

[colman]

Well it was Sunday the 24th and my older brother and I were catching up on old times, watching football and eating and drinking. Anyway it was pretty late but I was not really too sleepy so I decided to turn on the T.V. Clicking the channels three beauties in wedding dresses caught my eye and decided to watch a "Cristina" episode---the ubiquitous, gossip spilling Latin Oprah Winfrey double in the Latino world. Well to my surprise and hungry curiosity the show was about mail-order brides.  I only caught the last 20 minutes but sure enough as I suspected the 3 beauties and a couple of quiet "gringos" were being eaten alive by the audience comparable to a freshly butchered cow thrown to a pit of ravenous alligators.  Also Latin Life Mates was there with a representative. I am almost positive it was Nelson Grisales, he defended himself pretty good through the guanlet of machine gun questions shot at him. Wow, after the show I was left with a nauseating knot in my stomach.  Needless to say the "MOB" still leaves negative connotations in most people's imaginations. I was curious for the gentlemen whom have been married how have you dealt with the explications to family and friends after you and your foreign bride have married and are living quite a normal happy marriage?  Oh by the way after the show I waited for the copyright--it was 1998---Mr.Grisales said he was a representative working for LLM for about 2 yrs. and the company had about 8 yrs. in business. The show was on Chicago's channel 44 or 66 by the way---God Bless---Colman

[Pete E]

... in response to "Cristina" archives show, posted by colman on Nov 26, 2002

All of my family and friends seem supportive.If anybody has anything negative to say they don't say it to me.
We had been married about 18 months before my sister,who lives about 1200 miles away met my wife.They were tremendously impressed,almost like they didn't expect to be.
And - - - - Can't we get rid of this stupid "mail order bride" label?Thats not what it is at all.Its extremely negative and inaccurate.No body " mail orders" a bride like in the days of the old west.It always involves traveling to meet the woman and usually spending alot of time together before marriage.What it really is is shopping for a wife on an international basis.
In the old west the woman would answer an advertisement by the man.After one or more letters she would trasvel to meet him.She would get off the stage coach,if both people wanted to proceed they got married that day.Not what we are doing at all.

Pete

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER BRID..., posted by Pete E on Nov 26, 2002

I think the Internet has rendered the whole concept of "Mail Order Bride" meaningless.  If I meet a woman in Colombia who posts her picture on match.com and then go to meet her, is she a mail order bride?  Well, if she is, then what about my neighbor who meets an American woman 20 miles away through match.com ?  Why is she not a mail order bride, whereas the one I met is?  Is distance the only difference?  And taking it one more step further, if I meet her by seeing her picture on Latin Best instead of match.com, does that mean she is a mail order bride?  You are meeting your wife through the Internet like many other people do.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER ..., posted by valuedcustomer on Nov 26, 2002

[This message has been edited by El Diablo]


I think this is wishful thinking and unrealistic.  Regardless of the internet, society at first glance will always think differently about a relationship between people continents away and a relationship where the parties are 20 miles apart as in your example.  It's not so much the distance as it is that people are naturally curious or even skeptical of relationships where there are so many visible differences between the parties.  We are all aware of the differences, things like language, culture, citizenship, age and even income levels.

I think the key to getting beyond the stereotypes is to just accept the reality that people will be skeptical and to ignore it and move on.  Over time people will see your relationship for what it is.  If it's a good relationship, the curiosity factor will diminish.  But if it's a bad relationship, whatever stereotypes people had will only be reinforced.

El Diablo

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Re: Re: CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL OR..., posted by El Diablo on Nov 27, 2002

Society is changing to rapidly in response to cultural and technological factors to say it will “always” be one way.  When I was a child, if you had told somebody a woman could be a policewoman, the person would have fallen down laughing.  Now it is accepted as commonplace.  Since the beliefs of society are a rapidly moving target, it is not “unrealistic” to expect them to change.  It is unrealistic to expect them not to change.

Consider the following situations:

1) Man meets woman 20 miles away in US via Match.com

2) Man in San Diego meet woman in Florida via Match.com  

3)  Man in San Diego meets woman in Tijuana 5 miles away via Match.com

4)  Man meets woman from Colombia on visa in a supermarket in his own neighborhood.

5) Man meets woman via Latin Best in Cali.  She speaks perfect English, they are of the
    same religion and both professionals.  She has been to the United States.

6) Ecuadorian man from New York City meets Colombian woman in Cali via LatinBest (true example).

Which one is a Mail Order Bride?  

Once you have a relationship, it’s just as real as anyone else’s and how you met becomes irrelevant.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAI..., posted by valuedcustomer on Nov 27, 2002

[This message has been edited by El Diablo]

I met my fiancee in Colombia and to me our relationship is very real and I'm not in the least concerned where I met her.  I'm just happy I did.  However despite a rapidly changing world, there is still a large stigma attached to marrying a woman from a foreign country.  Yes there are exceptions, for example I work with many East Indians and several have traveled to India and brought back brides.  These were arranged marriages and there seems to be little stigma attached to them despite this.  However if you're a forty something gringo and you bring back a younger wife from a foreign country I guarantee there will be some talk among the people you associate with.  The more you have in common with the woman you bring back the less talk,  I believe.  And as I said in my other post, the talk will die down as the curiosity of the relationship diminishes.

Anyway, despite going to Colombia many times and being engaged to a great woman,in general even I am somewhat skeptical of foreign relationships.  When I hear that someone married a woman from Russia for instance, I usually think the worst despite having no first hand knowledge of the relationship.   I'm not condoning my thoughts but if I am skeptical, it's easy to see how the culture at large would be so even more.

El Diablo

[Wayne11]

... in response to CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER BRID..., posted by El Diablo on Nov 27, 2002

I agree with the stigmas.

People don't look favorably on it.  But in the end, if you find the right women, with time it all fades.  In my situation, people around the Yacht Club didn't say anything (well a couple outright insulted me) but it's how you are looked at and basically snubbed out of circles.  After about 9 months of this feeling, I just resigned from the club and Zhit canned the whole thing. (After many years of membership) For guys that think it's going to be the same socially with a beautiful young foreign wife, they are going to get a wake up call.  But I spend 99% of my time with my wife and not with my Yacht Club friends, so that is where my focus went.  Besides most of my friends are either divorced, on their way to divorce, or in unsatisfying marriages.  I don't care what people think.

We just had our 1 year anniversary and things get better all the time.  

For any of you guys looking for a vacation spot, we will be in Costa Rica long term after Jan 1.  Come down and say hello.

Happy thanksgiving,
Wayne
www.sailingcostarica.com

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER ..., posted by Wayne11 on Nov 28, 2002

I knew a couple personally where a guy in his forties married a woman who was 25 and beautiful.  He was into yacht racing and had a similar experience with his friends, but he didn't handle it as well.  Instead, he took it out on her.  He was too concerned with what his friends and family thought.  Their marriage finally ended, which I consider a good thing.  He didn't deserve her.  Congratulations on making the right choice in loyalty.

[Pete E]

... in response to CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER BRID..., posted by Pete E on Nov 26, 2002

Colman,
I was't critisizing you.I figured you were reporting it as it was aired.I just never liked that term,and its part of this web site.

Pete

[colman]

... in response to CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER BRID..., posted by Pete E on Nov 26, 2002

Pete, thank you for the response. I agree totally with your post. As for the "MOB"--I only use this acrynom as a reference point, also somebody did mention about how 1998 is relatively a long time ago in the information technology world where most of these "meetings" between different cultures have taken place--Colman

[colman]

... in response to Re: CAN'T WE DROP THE " MAIL ORDER ..., posted by colman on Nov 26, 2002

When I mean where most of these "meetings" take place--I mean where they initiate or how people gather info on the subject and not literally "meet" online--Colman

[Patrick]

... in response to "Cristina" archives show, posted by colman on Nov 26, 2002

In our case, there was some initial doubts about the whole thing, but after a while everyone just considered us a normal couple.  I think our similar ages helps in that we aren't stared at in public by people wondering how an old guy landed such a young woman (my wife's only 2 1/2 years younger than myself).

We had a friend's girlfriend come over after my wife first got here who brought along a Mexican American friend to translate.  I think she thought she was coming over to "rescue" my wife from bondage.  My wife blew her off (in English).  This woman is basically trailor park trash.  She didn't finish high school and both of her brothers have served prison time.  Spent a few of her early years dealing drugs.  She was apparently expecting my wife to be some kind of third world illiterate, but in fact she's way more educated, cultured, and successful than her.

On an interesting side note-  My friend later married this woman and I often hear the horror stories of their marriage, which I have no doubt will end in divorce and a court appointed ream job for my friend.  He's an engineer making a decent living, and his wife quit her job in a day care center soon after they got married.  She complained about her lost opportunities to do anything with her life professionally because she married young (first marriage) and had kids.  Her son is now an adult and out of the house.  Her daughter is 16.  Her husband completely supports her and would like her to get an education.  Plenty of time and opportunity to go back to school for her now, yet she does nothing but sit on her expanding butt and make my friend's life hell.

I'd be interested in hearing more about the attitudes of Cristina's audience.  Were they more down on the men, or the women?

[outwest77]

... in response to Like as a MOB couple, posted by Patrick on Nov 26, 2002

My american born sister, is insulted, personally, that i would seek a foreign bride, and is constantly asking why i can't find a gf, fiancee, here in the USA, My sister is a high school dropout , who later went back for her GED, and has since lived off her 2, soon to be 3rd husbands, does not work, and thinks shes the greatest thing since sliced bread,
and by the way went through 100k divorce settlement in 2 yrs.

Those darn "feriner" women from the those third world countries, what could we possibly want them fer.........?
Couldn't be anything wrong with our USA women.............naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

[Pete E]

... in response to Western women, think they are.............., posted by outwest77 on Nov 27, 2002

Yes,if you can do better elsewhere so can a guy that might have had to settle for her.I think particularly single women find this threatening.
Also,some guys don't seem to get it.A guy I know seems to have never been without a wife or a girlfriend even though he is a walking definition of slob.His tactic?He is willing to accept slob in his woman.He never had a problem taking what he could get.I did.I just couldn't compromise what I really wanted.
When I told him I married a Colombiana his question was,whats the matter couldn't you find a woman here?My answer.Not what I was looking for.He has never met my wife.I bet that would be an eye opener for him.She just keeps looking better and better.Lost a few pounds,(she was fine before).Let her hair grow long.Is always very fashionable.Always buying perfumes and cosmetics for her skin.Very feminine and sexy.I better watch it,she reads this,doesn't want to think of herself as sexy.
Anywhere I go it seems like she is the best looking woman there.People look at us a I wonder if they are thinking how did he get so lucky?And a terrific person.No way in hell I could  ever have found a woman like her here.Was it worth a little travel and language adjustment?Damm right.

Pete

[colman]

... in response to Like as a MOB couple, posted by Patrick on Nov 26, 2002

Patrick, thank you for your response, yes its quite refreshing for a Latin-American born and raised here to think they have the right to "straighten" out anybody recently arriving here only to be shocked to learn they themselves are pretty uneducated. If a time machine had been invented I would have love to witnessed that--lol. As far as your friend--I know you are not lying but damn....this guy is educated and sounds decent....unbelievable...but I guess what does not kill you only makes you stronger...Colman