Do you always see the sharks fin??

[corv]

After reading Ken's outcome it only provides me with greater concern when it comes to Colombian women(or better said SA women in general). I'm not sure if Ken missed early warning signs or perhaps there were none. Some of these women should win oscars. I mean really what lengths would you go to provide a better life for you and your family? It's that walk a mile in my shoes type of story.
   To the men that have gotten the brass ring on this board, do you feel you were lucky or did you spend more time with the women in there home country, ect.? I think maybe thats the only way, you can only wear a mask for so long. I myself have never been to Colombia but have been to Brazil. I got swept up with a smokin' hot girl spent two passionate weeks with her and was ready to marry her. She seemed educated, honest, the works. Swore she loved me and who knows she might have. But one day I went to Monte Carlo (upscale whore house) for my buddies going away (back to the states) party and there she was,plain as day, working. I was shocked to say the least. She started crying saying she does it to make money for her family blah blah blah. Funny side note, b*tch had the nerve to get pissed off at me for being there. But anyways these women have a way of filling you ear with honey. Its like a SA fever that doesn't go away for say a week or two after you get back...I guess I got off line with my question abit. But its for the few success stories, how did you know your lady was true or was it just a crap shoot??

[Pete E]

... in response to Do you always see the sharks fin?? , posted by corv on Nov 15, 2002

Thats quite a story.You don't sound too broke up about it but I bet it was a shock at the time.I bet she was good in bed.If she used her whole repetore on you it might have made you wonder.
OK,again my theory.You can tell the really really good girls right away.Its just who they are.It transends language.But there are many shades of questionable girls,ones you can't figure for sure.Be carefull here.If she is in this catagory go slow,be carefull,watch out for stories that don't jive.
Or better yet keep looking untill you find a really really good one.The fins can be much harder to spot than the characteristics of the good girl.Honest to a fault,humble,very forthcoming about everything,introduces you to a great family who obviously have alot of love for each other,no trace of manipulation.
And anything but experienced in bed,might make you miss your girlfriend.

Pete

[El Diablo]

... in response to Do you always see the sharks fin?? , posted by corv on Nov 15, 2002

From my perspective, I think dating experience in the country your traveling may help.  A couple years ago when I first went to Colombia, I found it more difficult to spot the fin. It wasn't always clear to me what the fin looked like.  But now, I think I can spot a shark or someone I wouldn't be interested  in quickly.  I really recommend  guy's spending time with the woman's family also.  Every family has it problems but if you're observant you can learn a lot about what life might be with her.

El Diablo

[Patrick]

... in response to Do you always see the sharks fin?? , posted by corv on Nov 15, 2002

This is only my personal opinion, but I think the two most prevalent problems on the men's side of things are-

1.)  Men who are out to marry the most beautiful and sexy woman they can.  Consideration for character, maturity, and taking time go out the window.  She's hot, grab her now before someone else does.  Who cares if I'm 43 and she's 24?  Sometimes the expectation on the men's side seems to be that they're shopping for a wife in a market that allows them to marry anyone, even women who are way way outside the league of what they could get here.  I think going outside your league to an extent is okay, but too many men push it too far.  Some men are shopping.  It's a two way street and those who are shopping may end up with someone else who was shopping also.  Some guys even present a false image of themselves to look more attractive.  Some are foolish enough to throw money around to impress women (a really big mistake).

2.)  Men who expect eternal gratitude for rescuing the lady from a life of poverty.  Doesn't work that way and if you expect her to be forever thankful to you for rescuing her, you'll both be disappointed.  She may be greatful that she found a good man who loves her, but she's not going to be forever indebted to her for bringing her to the land of milk and honey.

I think if you take your time, assess what you have to offer and adjust your scale for the ladies accordingly, and get to know a woman well, your chances for success go up.  Your lady should be as hesitant about marriage as you are, and not because she's not sure if she loves you, but rather because of the change in her life brought about by moving to another country and the high risk of it all.

[Hoda]

... in response to Do you always see the sharks fin?? , posted by corv on Nov 15, 2002

with your observations. There is a "luck" element involved, no doubt about it! All relationships are a crap shoot. My marriage came after almost three years. My wife and I, both needed & wanted time for our relationship to develope. The time gave me an opportunity to see much of her life & the people in it. The time, allowed me to see her go through good & bad times. Me being there for her (if not physically, but in spirit), allowed her to see that I wasn't a fair weather friend.

If Ken's wife was a good actress, it should prove how much "the same" women are all over. I feel for you, on that night you caught your lady at the whore house. She tried the quick spin, in asking what were you doing there...lol! Don't give up on love, no matter where your search takes you. BTW, did she ever ask for money during your stay? I remember the time, when my lady told me, I was spending too much money on restaurants, during my visits. How many times has an American women have told you that? Bet you don't even need more than one hand!

Go back to Brazil! Don't let one experience sour you on the women there. There are gems to be found. If you visit Colombia remember, it's a different ball game when it comes to meeting the ladies (Smaller geographically, and an established environment for introductions).

[robbysanjuan]

... in response to You've hit it on the head....., posted by Hoda on Nov 16, 2002

Hoda,
Good post, you can really learn a lot from that. You are right, I think in this process or meeting a woman here, you need time. To see how she will be in the good and bad, equally, for her also to see you in situations. Plus,  like you said, luck plays a huge part.
Thanks man

[corv]

... in response to You've hit it on the head....., posted by Hoda on Nov 16, 2002

When I went to Brazil it was not to find a wife per say. So when it back fired I wasn't broken hearted. Actually. most of the money I made at they time was off the books (still is) so later I found out I didn't qualify anyway. I think you need to make 25,000 or so. But none the less it stung pretty good. I think my age helped I'm 28, got a bunch of friends and not "really" lonely yet. If I was older and my clock was was running out of batteries(for kids and the whole family thing) I'm sure it would have crushed me. Yeah know she never asked for money or to go shopping, nothing. She cooked me dinner alot. Somedays she paid for dinner, somedays I did. What can I say, I mean I thought she was perfect. I still think she is smart and kind. Just a dirty whore though. Of course in hind sight I have no idea if all the stuff she told me about her life was just lies. Brazil is a weird country to find a women. Prostitution is legal and well accepted. The whores are kings with the money they make compared to regular people. Go by any college at night and you will see HOT girls out hoe-ing, then in the day at school. Its very weird. I still have a good attitude, but being from Jersey its like "Once shame on you, twice why don't I just shoot myself in the face". I will spend alot(of course it will only be as much as I can) of time with any future girl in her country.

[bogota vet]

... in response to I'll explain abit more., posted by corv on Nov 16, 2002

Where in Brazil?  what city?  

I had another friend tell me Brazil was full of good looking, I mean knockout looking women on the "plan" as working grils.  2 at once is very common , he said.

[Celt]

... in response to Do you always see the sharks fin?? , posted by corv on Nov 15, 2002

I guess I am one of those who got "lucky" on his first trip.
But, my novia subjected me to alot of testing,
and I extended the same treatment to her. For me it was important
to ascertain: (1) her maturity; (2) her level-headedness;
(3) her determination; and (4) her trust-worthiness. This
doesn't sound very romantic, but long-term romance has to
travel on someone else's cart to move along.

She wanted to know that my character was balanced, that I
did not have a bad temper, and that I will not become over-
bearing when she comes to the states and I have considerable
influence in most decisions we make.

We both wanted to know if we could sustain interest in
each other.

I never sent her a penny until our engagement:
it was for
our honeymoon. She never asked me for money or
complained about her financial predicaments.

I never stressed physical contact, or made a
point to tell her how lovely her body was.
We never had sex.

We wrote each other every day for three-months: we asked
alot of questions, and posed alot of scenarios for each other.
We made phone appointments on Friday and Saturday
nights, when we could have been meeting other people.

This may sound cold, but I thought about her like I was
buying a stock. I thought about everything that could go
wrong, and whether I found anything in her character that
could reduce the peace and contentment of my life.
I did not find anything like that.

I met some of her family, and spoke to others on the phone.
I wanted to guage how they perceived her, and whether they
had their own misgivings about her. Luckily for me, she is
the family jewel.

Now, that I have removed so many areas where doubt could
grow like cellar fungus, we are moving forward together,
confidently, and very romantically.

Still, I cannot discount the strong role of Luck.

Celt