Regarding The First Year

[burbuja2]

I've seen a number of posts recently where men who have been married to Colombians advise having a lot of patience.  What exactly is meant by this?  Are there any major non-apparent issues I need to be aware of, or are you all simply referring to the overall adjustment process?

[Red Clay]

... in response to Regarding The First Year, posted by burbuja2 on Oct 21, 2002

The first job my college-educated esposa took here was cleaning a house for a family that lives near the center of our city. We live about 20 minutes out of town in the country more or less. I took her to interview and she was hired, the family wanted someone bilingual and my wife qualified.

Well, we practiced the route from our house to her work two or three times. She took notes, I drew maps, everything we could do to prepare her so she wouldn't get lost. However........

She agreed to call my on my cell phone when she arrived the first day so I would know that she made it ok. She was due there at 9am. Nine oclock comes, no call. Nine thirty, no call. 10 oclock, her boss calls me and asks me if she is coming. I say, "yes, last I knew she was, we practiced and everything." Now I'm starting to worry. 11 oclock I call her boss. Not there yet, no word. 12 oclock her boss calls me. Not there, no word. NOW I am sweating bullets! I am picturing myself calling her family to tell them something terrible has happened and wondering if I should have help from someone who speaks better spanish. Im thinking, there is NO WAY she could be OK and just lost. She wouldn't put me through this! 12:30, I call the local police dept and tell them the story. They take her name, description of her and her car and ask me if I want to file a missing persons report. I say no, just keep and eye out for her right now and I'll be in touch. Praying hard now, feeling sick and responsible for her. Can't believe it's happening.

1:00pm, my cell phone rings. IT'S MY WIFE! Her first words: "Baby, I'm here!"  My first words [screamed] WHERE!? She says, "here at my new job". I yell,"THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR YOU!!!!!!! She says, "oh, NO, why??"
I ask why she didn't call when she knew she was lost. She says, "I couldn't find a pay phone" [one on every corner] and besides, " I didn't want to BOTHER you!!"

Well, needless to say it was one of our worst days. I kept chewing on her about how she scared me, we were both in tears at times during the rest of the day. Finally she replies, "you know, I didn't have a very good day either, I'm the one who was LOST. And......I also locked my keys in the car during my "lost adventure" when I stopped to ask directions..with the ENGINE RUNNING!!!"

At that point, I could only feel sorry for her and by the next day all was OK. Oh yeah, got her a cell phone the next day, lol.

THE END

[Hoda]

... in response to Regarding The First Year, posted by burbuja2 on Oct 21, 2002


is what I'm referring too. Whether this is your first or fouth marriage, there are normal adjustments that can't be ignored. The list of adjustments varies as much as the couples involved. Adjustments can include, the relationship between your wife & your children (if you have any). It could be how your house was kept. How the bills are paid. The adjustments vary from couple to couple, depending on the day to day activities.

[Patrick]

... in response to Overall adjustment process...., posted by Hoda on Oct 21, 2002

If you've got black appliances, the polished lava rock I picked up on the Hana Coast in Maui would look great on your counter top.  Just let me know if you want me to ship it out to you.  Best to get her an attractive model right away before she picks up some homeless vagrant rock somewhere and gets attached to it.

[Hoda]

... in response to Has she got "The Rock" yet?, posted by Patrick on Oct 21, 2002


Get in contact with me, regarding THE ROCK!!! I already told her about it, so don't back out...LOL!!!!

[burbuja2]

... in response to Has she got "The Rock" yet?, posted by Patrick on Oct 21, 2002

She has been here four times already and likes to cook.  I've read about the rock from other posts but she has never brought it up.  I'll send her an e-mail and see if she needs a rock anywhere but her finger.  She did buy a bread machine while she was here last week.  One observation about the adjustment process is that she still seems hesitant to use the dishwasher and has never used the washing machine.  In Cali, she has a maid who works 6 days a week who does those things.  The maid is paid under $200 per month.

[Aaron]

... in response to Overall adjustment process...., posted by Hoda on Oct 21, 2002

Well,

Basically, I realize that getting married would be a good thing for me because it will provide more stability.

For example, I realize that I'm going to need a partner that keeps me on a healthy diet, routinely execises with me, and helps me to balance my check book and pay bills, and helps me to organize things.

There's to many small details that I have to pay attention to on a daily basis, that I can't attent to other things that are just as important.  

If it wasn't for my mother, where would my family be???

She's a super lady. She works with my dad in their business, works around the house, makes sure all bills are paid, and balances the financies.

My dad, well he provides excellent leadership, makes all business and financial arrangments, and gets other things done that my mom can't do (for example, mechanical things or heavy duty house work).  

However, my dad and I both know, if it wasn't for my mom, we would be in a world of hurt!!!! LOL !!!!!

A testimony,
Aaron

[Aaron]

... in response to Overall adjustment process...., posted by Hoda on Oct 21, 2002

n/t

[Edge]

... in response to Regarding The First Year, posted by burbuja2 on Oct 21, 2002

En esta pagina web pueden encontrar restaurantes  y productos colombianos.
http://ocean.st.usm.edu/~nanzola/sancocho.html

[LouieB]

... in response to Restaurantes colombianos en los Estados ..., posted by Edge on Oct 21, 2002

hey edge

[Edge]

... in response to Restaurantes colombianos en los Estados ..., posted by Edge on Oct 21, 2002

of how you need to be patient.  My wife was trying to be helpful to the norteamericanos and post a website where you can find colombian restaurants and products in the U.S.  She did not quite figure out how to start a post and instead posted here.  

My apologies Burbuja however I will take the time to respond to your post.  I think that being patient is required as part of any relationship or there is going to be strife as sure as night follows day.  Being patient with the other person and being able to forgive are key components in a successful relationship.

More than one marriage has crashed and burned because the parties were not patient and able to forgive each other.

The latina is going to arrive here and there are tons of things she will not know about.  She does not just arrive on our shores ready to hit the streets and have knowledge about many things we take for granted.  It takes time and patience for her to learn about living here.

That is why when you are searching for your special lady, keep an eye out for how you think she will adapt to living where you live and recognize that it will take time for her to adapt.

In your case Burbuja, I recall that your fiancée is maybe from Bogotá and is well educated?  I could be wrong.  Hopefully you will both be patient with each other while you adjust to your marriage and living here in the U.S.

Best of luck,
Edge

[Red Clay]

... in response to Here is an example..., posted by Edge on Oct 21, 2002

Agree with Edge. Your new bride will likely not be very independent when she first arrives, and maybe for months to come. If she speaks no english, even less independent.

Example- My wife is from Peru where drivers are rude/reckless, but it's happening at 30-40mph and not 70-80. Took a little time for her to get "up to speed" so she wasn't holding up traffic. She had driven alot in Lima, but still was intimidated by our speed here.

Frankly there will probably be times when you feel like a babysitter instead of an equal partner. Please try not to show it, the last thing you want her to feel is like she is a burden to you. She won't be able to drop by a friends house to cry on their shoulder if you have an argument; she can't go "home for the weekend" to cool off in that situation. Heck, she probably can't even go shopping as therapy unless you live within walking distance of a place. She may have to accept a low pay, unskilled job at first if she wants to work. If she is well educated and was a professional in her country, this will be a little tough on her self esteem. Keep encouraging her that it won't be that way forever and help her with english all you can. You will likely be about all she has to enjoy/lean on for awhile.

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Here is an example..., posted by Red Clay on Oct 21, 2002


Gentlemen, print, copy/paste & save for when the day comes that you'll need this, as a reminder!

[Tai]

... in response to Re: Here is an example..., posted by Red Clay on Oct 21, 2002

n/t

[LouieB]

... in response to Regarding The First Year, posted by burbuja2 on Oct 21, 2002

a couple months ago there were several posts about marriages that did not even last a year.  these were from people that used to post on this board