For those of you that are still out there in the hunt, I want to share a few of my observations of my own marriage and from some of the other guys that I know who have been through this.
I believe that a good many of these relationships crash and burn because the guy didn't take the time to find out how his girlfriend problem solved.
How does she react under stress, or an argument. Does she get nasty, or withdraw. Does she pout, or does she want to discuss the problem and work things out. After the argument, does she keep score for months and maybe years to dredge it up in a later conflict.
This stuff comes from upbringing and how her parents related. If you marry a women who gets hostile every time there is a small problem, the marriage timer has already been set in my opinion. I have friends with Russian wives, and I have friends with Latina wives, and it's the same story in every case.
It's the vacation syndrome that I believe gets guys in trouble. They go down, don't have much time to spend down here, and the relationship never gets tested with stress, or conflicts. When they get the girl up here, then the 1st problems start to arise like they always do, and it's really a throw of the dice on how she starts reacting to these situations.
It is critical to find out how she reacts under dissagreements and stress. Most people are nice when things are going well, but people's real character shows when things are not ideal.
A guy has to also look at his own conflict resolution skills. If a guy angers easily, then these relationships usually don't work. The girl just feels too alone when she gets here, and if a guy is losing his temper at her, she feels abandoned and scared. She quickly wants to return home.
So romantic dinners are great and all, but a guy needs a little more information about his girl's habits, before the plane ride.
When these relationships go south, K-1, consular filing, or whatever, it is 100 times more painful then you could ever expect. I have met alot of guys that have an attitude of "give it a try and see what happens". It's really really ugly and messy to get out of one of these failed relationships after the girl gets here, so do your homework in her country. Gather all the info before the paperwork, so there are fewer surprises after she gets here. Some surprises can be impossible to live with.
At the end of the day, this process simply comes down to some luck and fate. Since in a best case scenario, we don't have really that much time down there with the girl, you are never really going to know.
Then you never really know with an American women who you dated for 4 years either.
The guy with the small boat.
