Age differences

[Calipro]

 I'm 40 and my colombian wife is 18. I guess I'm supposed to feel guilty but I don't. I think Americans in general make a big deal about age much more so than Colombians.

My wife's last boyfriend was 39 and she was only 17 at the time. She tells me that he and her family got along just fine. My wife's mother is divorced from her father and remarried. Her mother is 42 years old and her new husband is 27.

My ex-wife was 20 when I met her and I was 35 at the time. Her ex-boyfriend was 42 and her best girlfriend was 35.

I guess I should be suspicious of 18 and 20 year old Calenas that want to get married to a 40 year old. But, it is pretty hard after watching all the 40 and 50 year old colombian guys with women in there late teens and early twenties.

 The bottom line is don't make Colombian women out to be want they're not!  AMERICAN!

                                    Wayne

[Pete E]

... in response to Age differences, posted by Calipro on Aug 31, 2002

Wayne,
Actually its kind of refressing to get away from some of our ideas about age.So much of it is centered around school.A girl will stay in high school untill 18,still being considered a child by society because she is a student.This even carries over in to college.20 year olds are still considered children in that they can get in big trouble for drinking a beer or something.Finally at 21, 8-12 years in to sexual maturity they get considered adults of a sort.Then there is no big push for responsibility,they can play around like college kids for the next 10 years or so.We even have 40 something (I think he is 48 actually) Jerry Sienfield types in situation comedies where the people are still acting like juveniles.Growing up comes hard in America.I think we are somewhat divorced from the real world.
Its the real world in Colombia.Life is difficult.A mature man makes a better partner than a kid who still wants to play around.An 18 year old woman from the lower or middle class probably does not go to college,and her options are limited even if she does.They are very family oriented.The major goal is to have children and a family.It seems the major goal of a young Colombian guy is to play around,because if he gets married he is going to have a tough life.
Along comes a 40 year old American,still looking good and so much more sophisticated and worldly than that Colombian kid.He can offer a lifestyle she would probably never have in Colombia and is ready to settle down and be loyal to one woman.He looks like Mr.right to our 18 year old Colombiana.Most likely she has had her fill of irressponsble Colombian kids.Most likely her father was 10 plus years older than her mother too.That part doesn't seem unusual.
So whats wrong with this picture?Mostly our own very restrictive attitudes about age.Personally I think 25 is much better than 18 because the girl probably is more settled,but 18 can and does work.Someone mentioned the girl coming here and getting "americanized" by her american friends or co workers.Maybe,but even by 18 her attitudes are pretty well set I think.
And to think you are only one year away from being considered a criminal by the US legal system.Thats the incredible and rediculous part.
So I don't think 18 is as good an idea as 25,but if it seems right go for it.Let the guys who don't have a beautifull 18 year old wife try to come up with reasons you should not be happy with the situation.In life you either have what you want or the reason why not.Let them have the reason why not,you got the girl.

Pete

[Nico]

... in response to American attitudes about age, posted by Pete E on Aug 31, 2002

n/t

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Age differences, posted by Calipro on Aug 31, 2002

I was 42 when I married a Colombiana who was 21.  There were danger signals all the way, but she kept drawing me along.  I couldn't resist her; she is very beautiful and charming.  If you have a good one, no problem.  If you have a bad one, you have to be strong and bail out.  My ex is a bad girl and she's not ready to be married.  There are plenty of women in Colombia who will treat you right.

Steve

[Hamlet]

... in response to Age differences, posted by Calipro on Aug 31, 2002

Wayne,

I have a friend who married a Russian 20 years younger.  He got her a job as a file clerk in a big law firm.  She spent her days filing papers with AWs who would tell her things like: "Don't take that crap from your husband," and "If he doesn't like it tell him where to get off; you should come first."  

Soon she became the sort of woman he always hoped not to marry.

Hamlet

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to The real danger, posted by Hamlet on Aug 31, 2002

I think this will happen anytime you are around unhappy people that want to ruin relationships.  Hopefully everyone will get a chance to see how your prospective wife or fiancee deals with spoilers before the relationship goes to far.

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to Age differences, posted by Calipro on Aug 31, 2002

I think over the years you gain experience, and with that experience you gain some wisdom, so to have a spouse that doesn't bring that to the relationship, is a liability.  Maybe the other factors in someone's relationship will compensate for that.

I think jimc said something about the age thing a while back too.  It was a good point that we really don't know when our time will be up, and is it a bad thing to have some years of happiness with someone.  He can probably speak to that a lot better.

Colombian women, may not be American, but if they come here they will surely be influenced by the culture and attitudes.  Also, it might not be so bad a thing to be an American, I know a lot of good ones, and I feel very blessed and privlidged about that.  I think it really comes down to the individual.

Did someone decide to try to undermine your relationship, or give you a ration of grief because of age difference?  If so, sorry to hear that.

Just in case you're curious, there's a 6 year age difference between my wife and I (32 and 38 respectively).