I'd like to know what to expect

[billbaldwin]

I'm 34 never married, not interested in any American woman I've ever met because they are all AMERICANIZED for lack of a better word.  I'm not a bad looking guy, just overweight.  I guess that American women are not intersted in me if I'm being honest.

What I'd like to find is a woman who is youthful in spirit, pleasant to look at, loyal, faithful, and who can appreciate me.

I'm self employed- not rich by any means but comfortable.  I am not at all hard to get along with.  I am also not one who would rule over my wife... I am very thoughtful towards people in general.

Just getting started here... I am writing to a few different girls in the Phillipines.  They all seem very nice, but one in particular... just stands out.  She and I communicate on a different level than I do with the others.  More like old friends.

Anyway, what I would find very helpful is some insight into what I can expect... both negative and positive... as I procede with my quest to find a mate.

What do the girls expect?  Could they really be happy married to a man from a different culture, who they just barely met?  How do they adapt to life in the states... living away from family and friends?

I do not have a great deal of time and resouces to go back and forth to the Phillipines at this point in my life.  I am building a business that requires my presence daily... to succeed.  My hopes and dreams are to retire someday to an island paradise and be able to spend time there with my wife and kids... but my needs to be a husband and father are more immediate.

Please... any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Bill

[jim in the pis]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

well i guess the thread is getting long enough for me to answer, i married my wife joanne last july the 28th we have a little boy jay, jay was 7 months when born and had a ruff time of it.
joanne is 25 years younger than me, but i dont know what i would do without her. i guess thatis all i can say.
jim joanne and jay

[Bear]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

I like to see what the other guys say because some have a lot more experience and insight and ability to word things in a more understandable way.  I think a lot of the advice given you is great.  So lets see if mine is worth much.

1) You'll get what you look for.  Its one of my favorite sayings and it just seems to be so true in my life.  Everywhere I go I see people proving my theory.  It doesn't mean if you don't look for it it doesn't pop up on you but it means that if you know what you want, includintg the guarantees you want, then look for them and you'll find them.  Don't be afraid to say "Hey this is what I want" out loud.

2) No less than 2-3 years and about $10K, her in you home, here in the good ole USA.  Thats if you marry there.  I think the costs are higher if you marry here but the time is abt 6 months less.

3) If your business will not allow you to spend a majority of you time with her you chances of succes will drop exponetially.  These girls are very dependant on others and their opinions because of the "it takes a village" atmosphere they grew up in.  If you are not around the person talking will be her influence.  Do you want to chance that?

4) They come to you knowing everything but without specifics.  Most do not kow how to cook, kiss, judge the politics, etc and so forth.  You are expected to teach them what you want and how you want it.  After a few years get out of their way because they'll do it better than you ever did.  But again you have to spend copious amounts of time with them or they'll learn it from someone/somewhere else.  

5) I do not care what anybody here says, they do not want independence.  Give it to them and you'll have an Americanized woman that make American born women look passive.

6) Don't leave religion out.  These girls are very religious and expect you to lead them there too.  If you can't spend a few minutes on your knees with her deciding if you have made the right decisions you have already reduced your chances of success to less than 50-50.  To much money, time and effort for those odds.

7) All the "stereotypes" I have heard from the posters here have crashed and burned at least once.  The only special characteristic I have seen that Filipinas have AW's don't is they have stronger family values and less money to spend and more mature in their efforts to deal with those aspects.  If you let one of those gorgeous pretty headstrong women start moving away from you and allow her to get mad (which seems to be pretty easy to do once she starts moving away from you), then God help you, because few else can.  You are still expected to guide them with what you want.  So if they aren't what you expected the chance are its your fault.  You didn't ask the right question, teach her what your needs where, spend enough time with her.

Untill I came to this board and the old marriage-by-nail discussion boards I had only seen one failed asian american marriage out of about 40 I was familiar with.  So if 'you are' what you are looking for (i.e. dependable, loyal, faithful) and you remember to have enough sense to tell her what you are looking for and want and expect from her, I think you like many of us will die a happy man with one of the finest women God put on the is Earth.  But if you fail - blame yourself because this takes a 100% commitment.

Take your time.  You at how much you lose if you make a mistake.

Bear

[alex]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

From what I have seen they all begin to reflect attitudes of modern ladies. We have many Asian families (Viet, Phils, Chinese) in my Apartment complex. I have noticed over the past 5 years that most of the families exhibit New American Values.

This includes:
Weight Gain  (most of the ladies are 60kg+)
Smoking (all but 2)
Drinking (mostly on porch in lawn chair)
Road Rage (take their favorite parking space and see)
Wild Children (most High Schoolers smoke, some tattoos)

All of the females  I have visit are moody and they listen to their friends/family too much.

Don't expect Snow White, cause she ain't livin' here..

[Jeff S]

... in response to Same Dance, Different Tune, posted by alex on Jun 23, 2001

My wife's now been here 15 years and still maintains her old fashioned, old world values. She still slender & lovely and wouldn't dream of going even to the grocery store in sweats or without makeup - she always dresses well, even when I'm in shorts & flip flops. She quit smoking after moving here (actually we both did.) We still both drink, though, but I don't consider wine, champagne and the occasional real drink anything particularly bad. She wouldn't dream of getting angry in the car (but still won't get on the freeway.) and our daughter was a straight A student, NEVER got into any kind of trouble (we had to practically force her to go to school dances) and just graduated with a BS in International Business. So she just might be out there for you, too.
-- Jeff S.

[Carl]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

Welcome Bill
You have been well advised by the guys and gal on this board.
I am a very happy old man of 70. My getting to be where I am today is because of my wife and I not giving up and lots of prayers to God. I have an Angel from God. She is from the Philippines. She is 22 and very pretty. Her heart is just as good as her looks. But, they are not all that way. Take your time, Ask God to help you. It sure worked for me. You are half my age, you should find many who would love to be with you. When you find her, just treat her as your queen, like you want to be treated. It will come back to you 10 fold.

[billbaldwin]

... in response to Re: I'd like to know what to expect, posted by Carl on Jun 22, 2001

Thanks Carl.  I've been praying to God to answer my needs for a faithful, loving wife.  I believe he's pointed me in this direction for a reason.  And I agree with you about all the advice I'm getting.  I'm like a sponge though, I wan't all the advice I can get from as many different perspectives as possible.

Thanks and God Bless!

[Howard]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

DUDE!

We gotta talk!

I'll post more later, when I'm not at work :c(  E-mail me if you like.

Until Then,

Keep the Faith

H

[Dave H2O]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

Hi Bill,

Welcome to P-L. You sound a whole lot like me, except I have been around 10 years longer and I'm probably not as good looking. ;o) Listen to Ray, Jeff and the other guys and gals, even if you don't like it. )) It's for your own good. Sometimes we disagree, but not much for the last few days. LOL (cc, when are you comming back? I miss you!) You can find the woman of your dreams or your worst nightmare in the Philippines. Don't rush into things and ask plenty of questions, both here and of your penpals. Read the archieves when you have the time. Some good books that I have read are the "Lonely Planet - Philippines" guidebook and "Culture Shock! - Philippines," which I purchased at a local book store. Humabdos (or is it now Humabogoy? LOL) swears by the book "Hey Joe," so I will be getting a copy of that. He talks about it so much, it is either a good book or he is getting a kickback. ;o))) I know he needs the money after his Filipina divorce. ( She got nothing and he got to keep the lawyer too.

Good Luck!

Dave H.

[Carrisse]

... in response to Welcome Bill!, posted by Dave H2O on Jun 22, 2001

Hmmm, I might be mistaken.

[Dave H2O]

... in response to I thought she got lawyer, posted by Carrisse on Jun 22, 2001

I thought Hum was moving into a nipa hut because the lawyer was living in his house. ;o)) We all know how Hum feels about lawyers, except Stephen. I'm sure glad I got on the fire department, before I started law school.

Dave H.

[Carrisse]

... in response to I thought she got lawyer, posted by Carrisse on Jun 22, 2001

I thought she got THE lawyer.  Patrick, we need an Edit button.

[Jeff S]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

To answer your question, yes, you can find a sweet, beautiful, loyal wife in Asia (not just the Philippines) who will take care of you and create a traditional nuclear family more like your grandfather had than like the (in my opinion) severely dysfuncional families most of America has to put up with. In my own case, I've been married fifteen years and enjoy a better marriage and lifestyle than I ever dreamed possible. That's the good news...

... and now for the bad. This adventure is not for the weak at heart nor for the guy who isn't confident in himself or going after his dreams. It is a much more difficult process than hitting the church singles groups and picking out a girl next door. It takes a committment of time and money. It takes keeping on the path less travelled when everyone you know is screaming that you're a fool for trying, when you get your heart broken after investing months in a particular person only to find out she's not who she says she is. Finally, and this isn't often discussed on this board, you have to invest far more time after you get married than you imagine today, helping her adjust - sometimes for years. You have to learn to adapt to the cultural differences - and there will be MANY.

It's not an easy path we take, but is one certainly worth taking.

-- Jeff S.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: I'd like to know what to expect, posted by Jeff S on Jun 22, 2001

:-)

[Ray]

... in response to I'd like to know what to expect, posted by billbaldwin on Jun 22, 2001

Hi Bill!

Your first step should be to learn all you can about the Filipino culture. Much info on the Net and good books that you can buy also. And read through the archives on this board for more positives and negatives.

Before you start planning on that "island paradise" in the Philippines, I recommend that you visit the islands first. Yes, the scenery and beaches are beautiful, but it’s HOT (REALLY HOT!) and you will give up many of the conveniences you are accustomed to. But many men readily accept the negatives. You just have to try it for yourself and see if it’s for you.

From your personal description alone, I think you would have no trouble at all finding thousands of nice ladies who will readily accept you.

And one more thought: Filipina women do become "Americanized" too after they are here for a while.

Good luck,

Ray