hello.

[hombrecaliente]

Hello Folks.

I have been emailing with a colombiana ( areal hottie) for some weeks now. She is nearly 36 and in fact even 3 weeks older then I am. She looks like 28 though.
She thinks that she can have a kid very soon. I told her "no can do"..
I am not ready for that. I am getting po-ed more and more because I don't want to discuss this in THIS fase of our relationship.
I told her IF she was 27 we could wait 5 years.
Now she is 36...and to tell you the truth I think she is too old to get kids.
I want to enjoy her for some years BEFORE we get a kid. (besieds that she first must realy likes me and get adapted)Because I know IF there is a kid.....life as I know it.will be over.
All her attention,love will be for that kid. And I don't like that. She realy sounds IF she only wants me to use for getting a kid....HEY!! What about me???

Am I selfish??? Or just realistic??(or both...)
any sugestions???

At this point I am even thinking of going to a trip to Honduras and leave Colombia for what it is.

regards,

hombrecaliente.

[hombrecaliente]

... in response to hello., posted by hombrecaliente on Aug 20, 2002

Guys,

thanks for the update on this.
As a matter of fact i WANT a kid too....BUT NOT NOW!!!Matybe in 4-5 years,and let's be honest here.....at that age she is too old imho.
So you are probably right....this isn't fair to her and putts me under heavy pressure.

I will send her today an email telling her that I do NOT want kids with HER....if she is ready for that (without blaiming me later on) we can communicate further.
For ME getting kids is NOT that a big issue,for her it seems that way.

If not....I move on and will find another woman.(I hope)
For her indeed situation is worse. As she told me not to many Colombian guys would take her as a "esposa" (wife)....they only want to use her for sex as an "amanta"..(many colombian dudes seem to have other women on the side).and she is NOT willing to accept that. I think she is correct on that.

I hope she accepts my offer,because she is a real pretty lady and very smart too. But she must think this over with much care. If she were only 8 years younger or so:-( snif..

regards,

hombrecaliente.

[El Diablo]

... in response to hello., posted by hombrecaliente on Aug 20, 2002

I think you should move on and find someone who doesn't want children, simple as that.   It is clear that this is something extremely important to her and because of her age it's important now and not later as you might  prefer.

I don't think it's selfish to not want a family.  Some people aren't programmed for it and they are entitled to make their own life choices.  On the other hand,  I think it's selfish to get involved with a woman who wants children and who only has a few years of oppurtunity left.  The phase of the relationship to be talking about this is NOW when the relationship is early on and people can walk away easily.  Prolonging this discussion only makes the choices more difficult and painful for everyone involved.

If you can't walk away for yourself, do it for her by giving her an oppurtunity to meet someone more compatable...

El Diablo

[Pete E]

... in response to hello., posted by hombrecaliente on Aug 20, 2002

A major issue guys need to consider with latinas is they usually either have or want kids.A lady of 36 may have gotten over this,if not she is feeling some real time pressure about it.If she is going to have kids she needs to do it now.She is not too old yet but will be before too long.It would be wise to have any kids before 40,after that,and even before that,complications get much more likely.
Sounds like you are in different places on this issue.If neither of you is willing to compromise you both need to move on,particularly her.You can easily find girls in their 20's willing to wait a few years.I say wait,not forget.If you really don't want kids the issue will come up later even with them.
Your lady has a much tougher time line and it will be much harder for her to find someone.But if she compromises for you but really didn't want to and never has the kids she will probably always regret and resent it.
Deciding where you are on the kids issue is one of the most important issues before you start looking for the woman you want.

Pete