A little uncomfortable...

[Zebson]

Helen and I were talking and she was reading some email from her friend.(She writes quite a few of them everyday). I usually never pay much attention. But, since I was sitting right beside her, I asked her who's that one was from. Vanessa, she said..Then I ask, "So what's new with her, how's things going in Manila? (She had spoke recently several times about this newer friend of hers in Manila that had been to the US and back several times, I had never met her though). I then looked over and ask inquistitively, if she would mind reading a little for me, so she started near the end of the letter and then I think unknowingly got to a part..where my name was mentioned and some other tagalog words,..I said what's that word mean. She was stopped and seem uncomfortable. Then, as it was toward the end of the letter..My eyes fell to the top portion of her letter that she had sent Vanessa..And that was primairly written in english..And within the first paragraph was something to the effect, Telling Vanessa, she didn't know if she could get me to do something...She didn't know if I would be easily persuaded or be willing to cooperate, something to that affect. Anyway just as I was beginning to make sense of it, I think she saw my eyes, when she quickly deleted her portion of the letter to Vanessa. She then said I will write her later. Hmmmm...I am normally not a suspecious person but this seemed strange to me. I am not sure what to think..

Zeb

[jon]

... in response to A little uncomfortable..., posted by Zebson on Jun 25, 2001

Zeb,

I probably would have been uncomfortable too.  Of course
I would have tried to get a feel for the situation through
her body language. And pressed her to talk about it.  I
would still be a little nervous if she knew (dated) this guy
while you were in a commited relationship.

A similar thing happened to me when I met a Brazilian
woman over the phone (I was calling a friend, got the
right #, but she answered).  After 3 months of phone calls,
I planned to fly to meet her. And a couple days before the
flight she called to let me know she was dating someone else
that she was interested in besides me (not a word to that
point).  We met and things seemed well.  But then she got
engaged to him and he was a jerk and lied and slept around
on her.  It's one of the things that made me a less
innocient person and turned me into a parnoid one.

Let us know how it turns out.

Jon

[katy]

... in response to A little uncomfortable..., posted by Zebson on Jun 25, 2001

For all you know, she was planning a surprise party for you, and was saying that she wasn't sure she could get you to leave the house at a certain time.

Or, she may be talking about some situation with you,t hat her girlfriend wants to advise her on, as "girl talk" - maybe she's hoping to get you to shave off that mustache, or get a better car, or plant a bigger garden next year, or whatever.

Why are you looking over her shoulder, and asking to have emails read to you?

Why don't you avoid the whole situation by giving her privacy?

[Zebson]

... in response to Why don't you stop reading her mail?, posted by katy on Jun 25, 2001

I get the impression that you feel I was invading her privacy...This was not the case at all. Please understand as I tried to make clear,  you may want to read the my post again and get a better feel for the situation. This was a case where we were both sitting comfortably next to each other..I peered over and our discussion began about the email. I never pushed or prodded her about the email or tried to be noisy..My inquiry was simply interested curiousity about her friend as she often relates.  

Zeb

[Carrisse]

... in response to Why don't you stop reading her mail?, posted by katy on Jun 25, 2001

A little privacy goes a long, long way.  And trust should be the motivating factor.  Paranoia will get you nowhere.

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Amen., posted by Carrisse on Jun 25, 2001

I used to be very naive and trusting of women. Trust is a wonderful thing, but not everyone deserves it! Now it takes me time and observation of one's actions, before I will give it. It is a shame that the actions of one or two women that "loved" me, caused me to lose faith.

So I say, Zeb, if your birthday isn't just around the corner, keep your eyes and ears open.

Dave H.

[humabdos]

... in response to A-nothing!, posted by Dave H2O on Jun 25, 2001

Been der done dat!

[shadow]

... in response to A-nothing!, posted by Dave H2O on Jun 25, 2001

[Zebson]

... in response to Amen., posted by Carrisse on Jun 25, 2001

I find it interesting that of the two women that are posting about my questioning thoughts... that both come automatically from almost what seems,(correct me if I am wrong) slightly defensive positions towards me. Perhaps men and womens definition of privacy varys, but I believe that if there is something the other partner has a concern toward or questions about, that it should be addressed to bring peace of mind to the other partner. Not everything is life is as obvious as getting hit by a sledge hammer.

Zeb

[Carrisse]

... in response to Re: Amen., posted by Zebson on Jun 25, 2001

Instead of finding her behavior strange.  Talk to her and ask her.  If she decides not to tell you then trust her and don't think anything of it.

[humabdos]

... in response to Then why don't you give her the benefit ..., posted by Carrisse on Jun 25, 2001

Yea  right carrisse!  Yes just trust her a filipina would never lie... What a bunch of CRAP!   Just trust her don't worry about the secrets she keeps from you.  I guess it was wrong to open my wife's cell phone bill which mistakenly went to our house instead of her secreat PO box I never knew she had. I guess those 78 calls made to her best friends boy friend while her best filipina friend was visiting her family in the Philippines were all just inocent?  Yea right Carr BTW she still lives with the guy.

I can't even count the times I walked in and my wife clamed up to who ever she was talking to on the phone. Sometimes she  forgot that while i can't speak Cebuano I can understand about 30%.  My gut feeling was that something was up and guess what...  

DO NOT keep secrets from your loved one .....  Humabdos

[Zebson]

... in response to Then why don't you give her the benefit ..., posted by Carrisse on Jun 25, 2001

I can relate to that Carrisse....but, please read my posting; Interesting Revelations..thanks..

Zeb

[Pete]

... in response to A little uncomfortable..., posted by Zebson on Jun 25, 2001

Why does everyone have to make things so difficult? You're in a relationship, so talk to her about it. There may be an arguement, there may not. Being suspicious without fully knowing what's up is just going to eat away at you (already is). Just tell her the truth....if you both are honest with eachother, you should be able to talk about it with no problems.

Pete

[Zebson]

... in response to You shouldn't THINK anything, posted by Pete on Jun 25, 2001

Pete, I agree in part..After I posted the above I asked her if there was something about her email that I wasn't supposed to know, she commented that it was just she didn't want me correcting her spelling. Funny thing is usually she enjoys learning from me how to write better and so forth and she even asks me when she's composing sometimes how somethings should be written in her emails, do her resume, etc.. (privacy?). Since I felt that was rather bogus, later in the evening, I was more direct and I related somethings about how truthfulness was imperative in a relationship, etc..She broke down and told me about a guy she had gone out on a date with several times in Manila, along of course with her friend Vanessa, etc,. it was shortly before she came over. It was related in part to her work and client involvements because she was an account executive with hotels..And she said she didn't want me to become angry about him. I said no problem I understood the context in which she went out with him...(seems "date" is used in several different contexts)..We then talked about many other things. I think I understand some more about her uneasiness now.. I agree with you about honesty also. There are many different levels relationships go through as trust and truthfulness in communication is developed.

Zeb

[katy]

... in response to Interesting revelations...., posted by Zebson on Jun 25, 2001

It WAS something she didn't want you to know! But, that doesn't mean she's dishonest. Some things are private.

Some guy she used to go out with is not your business. Who knows what kind of girl talk she was having.

Honesty doesn't mean not having private thoughts of your own.