90 days not enough time

[mck]

I had a serious talk with my novia last night. We were talking about getting married in another 2 weeks because the lawyer said it was legaly possible. She looked at me point blank and said "Mike are you a little nervous about getting married?" I said "hell yes". Then she said she was to. We talked about it more and decided still after two months of living together we still do not no each other well enough and we decided we are going to wait a few more months and probably get married in early November, which will give us 5 months living together and 8 months knowing each other. She says she feels that it is important to have enough time of boyfriend and girlfriend before marriage, because once she said she is married she refuses to divorce and she says it is a lifetime commitment. I told her that most guys get the K1 fiance visa and have to get married in 90 days. Thankfully, she is on the tourist visa and it gives her 6 months to live here. She said any guy who can marry a girl after living with them 90 days has alot of balls and she said she gives you guys alot of credit. My novia now knows about planet-love and she is cool with me writing on here, and she says she wishes you guys the best of luck in your search.

[greg]

... in response to 90 days not enough time, posted by mck on Jul 18, 2002

Did she read your Posts in the Archives?? lol

[Jeff S]

... in response to 90 days not enough time, posted by mck on Jul 18, 2002

Well, Mike, consider that millions of people all over the world have great marriages even though they never lived with their spouses before getting married. In fact, the divorce rate among people who live together first to "test the waters" is higher than those who don't. The truth about marriage is it's not about discovering if you are compatable, it's about doing what it takes to make yourselves compatable. The personalities of people who aren't so sure and want to try and see first, also seem to have the "cut and run" attitude when things start going sour, instead of the "lets do what it takes to work out our differences" attitude.

One couple on the Asian board, both devout Catholics, had the woman stay with the guys parents while here on her K1, until they were married. They've made it a year so far, she's pregnant and they both seem extremely happy.

In my own case, my wife and I were married in her country having spent about 12 weeks together in four separate trips to visit each other's country, but never having lived together. Not to say every day was rosy, but we have a great relationship after a lot of years so far.

Of course, whatever works for you is fine, but making it stick for the long haul isn't about taking baby steps. It's about diving in headfirst. Just MNSHO. Your mileage may vary.

-- Jeff S.

[mck]

... in response to Re: 90 days not enough time, posted by Jeff S on Jul 18, 2002

we haven't had any real problems but we just do not feel like we know each other well enough.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: 90 days not enough time, posted by mck on Jul 18, 2002

My wife and I spent two years swapping letters and phone calls in addition to the four trips to visit each other, so felt like we knew each other pretty well. There were still plenty of surprises, though. LOL.

Jeff S.