By far... the greatest thing I have ever done

[nrvana]

Hello to everyone....

I have not posted or read this forum in a very long time (4 months at least).  All you guys that are on the fence about going to Colombia to find a future wife, get down there now.  It was the greatest thing I have ever done.

I do not know if any of you guys remember me, but I married a 29 year old young lady from Cali.  What a joy she is.  We have been married for almost 6 months now.  It has been the greatest 6 months of our life.  

All you new guys, make sure you read these archives and listen to the guys with experience.  I followed their advice "somewhat", but some of the things I ignored did get me in a little "trouble"........
 (1)  Make sure you get rid of any evidence of any other woman that has been in your house before your new wife arrives.  I was married before, and I thought that I had cleaned up pretty good.  Well, what I did not get out of the house, she found and packed it all up in a trash bag and threw it away for me along with being jealous.
 (2)  The phone bill is another issue we have encountered.  She talks to her mother and family everyday.  She is very close to her mother and I can not expect her to not talk to her.  Our first phone bill was over 300.00.  So I started buying her phone cards..... 1 for each day.  For 5 dollars a day (150.00 per month) she can talk for almost 1 hour.  It solved our problem.

I can not speak for other Calenas, but my wife is extremely jealous.  At first this bothered me, but I figure I would rather her be a little too jealous than not jealous at all.  From what I am told, jealousy is fairly common in latin women.

Make sure they learn English as soon as possible.  I was lucky in that my wife already knew basic English.  She has been in English school for the past 4 months and her English is getting quite good.  I think this is one of the most important things.  I gives them more independence.  

My wife starts work this week.  She is a lab technician at one of the big medical centers in Houston.  She is very excited. I am fortunate enough to be able to take her a pick her up from work whenevre i need to.  We plan on starting her driving experience in the next couuple of months.  That should be a "kick".

When you guys find a woman in Colombia, be up front and honest about everything.  It will all come out sooner or later.  Talk about issues like her working, having babies, sending money home to their families.....etc.  

I know this "post" was cut up and did not flow very well.... I just wanted to put down as much information as I could think of in 5 minutes.  

If you guys have any specific questions, I will be glad to answer them.  Just e-mail me direct or post.

GET DOWN TO COLOMBIA!!!!!  YOUr LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!! MINE ISN'T

[stezo]

... in response to By far... the greatest thing I have ever..., posted by nrvana on May 27, 2002

Man I feel like your talking about me! I was married 3 months ago and the situation is almost identical. I also did not "clean up" my past life very well before my wife got here and it caused some problems. Almost every single problem we have had has been about jealousy in some way or another. The stereotype of the jealous latina holds true in my case also.
Other then that I could not be happier. I met my wife in Sep2001 in Cali and was there again in Feb 2002 and I can not imagine anyone would have trouble finding a good woman there. For the most part the women there are incredible. I could not be happier with my wife but if things dont last forever and I find my self single again in the future I would never even consider being with an american woman again. The difference between my experience with american women and Calenas is night and day. That said there are alot of other challenges you wont get with an american woman. She cant work for awhile (depending on her english) so she is totally dependent on you financially and otherwise. You have to explain to everyone you know why your wife does not speak good english. Its very expensive and jealousy, jealousy, jealousy!!
Your point about the phone is well taken you cant expect your wife not to talk to her mother but she has to understand its expensive to. I went to phonecardonsale.com. It costs $18 for a 3 1/2 talk time to Cali and I buy this for my wife every other week. So basically I pay about $40 a month. You may want to see if you can buy this for your wife once a week. 3 1/2 hours a week is not unreasonable and then you would only pay $80 a month instead of the large amount your kissing goodbye each month now.

[Ken2]

... in response to Re: By far... the greatest thing I have ..., posted by stezo on May 28, 2002

if you would.  I skipped a few nights of calls (being busy) to the gal I am engaged to (from Cali) and she asked me if there was another woman.  I was a little surprised that she would ask me this.  I guess her past relationships failed because of unfaithfulness. How common is this and how deep does it run?

Ken

[El Diablo]

... in response to Elaborate on jealousy, posted by Ken2 on May 28, 2002

My experience is that insecurities of this type are very common.  When put in a cultural context however the behavior of the Colombian woman is very understandable.  Unfaithfulness is so pervasive that the fear of another woman runs very deep with most of them.  I think we need to be particularly caring of this situation and try to build relationships that foster confidence.  I'm very careful with my fiancee not because she's particularly jealous but because I don't want their to be even the slightest doubt in her mind.  

El Diablo

[Cali vet]

... in response to Elaborate on jealousy, posted by El Diablo on May 28, 2002

I think jealosuy is a term we use to describe two quite different reactions. One is, more than anything just resentment towards being shown disrespect and doesn't have much to do necessarily with her feeling for you; you're at a restaurant and your girls sees you making frequent eye contact with a girl at another table. In this example she has no expectation that you are going to go home with the other girl but she's real pissed at being isulted by you publicly showing interest in someone else. The other reaction is what I would call true jealousy. In this case your girl is genuinly in love with you and has a real fear that you will leave her and go off with the other girl. I think in getting to know your girl it's important to pick up on the distinction. In my own case I noted a "yellow" flag when my girl told me early on "Just tell me if you get interested in someone else, don't deceive me." This seemed to me to be all about her self image and protecting her self respect rather than anything else. However I guess that attitude is to be expected in the early stages before real bonds have developed. Just some thoughts on the subject.

[Bob101]

... in response to Re: Elaborate on jealousy, posted by Cali vet on May 28, 2002

I have to agree with CaliVet...

In Colombian culture, they are not as liberal or open as we are, feminism is NOT alive and well in Colombia. Going to lunch with a female co-worker? Big problem for a Colombian...unless it is with a group.

We can get away with a roving eye in America, but not with a Latina...SOTB they have additional bull##it radar...much like the additional hard drive AW have to store EVERYTHING you ever did wrong...the Latina can see right through a stare you are trying to pass off as a casual glance.

You are their man...and expect you to treat them as such...isn't that one of the qualities we all are searching for? It is an adjustment...you won't get away with it...do your looking when you are not with your lady. As CaliVet said...it is a respect issue!

[mck]

... in response to By far... the greatest thing I have ever..., posted by nrvana on May 27, 2002

I agree with that completely. My novia is coming to live with me next Monday from Guadalajara and I agree with the finding out about the baby situation, sending money home to the family, and all that other stuff. I just found out yesterday that my novia is not able to have kids. She said she was sorry for not telling me sooner because she was afraid this would be a factor that would make me get rid of her. Luckily, I told her kids are not a big issue with me and I would actually rather not have kids. She was also telling me how she knew some other girls in Mexico that have scammed gringos and she was telling me that some of her girlfriends are very jealous of her because she found an American guy. She said I am lucky that I found a girl who is honest, non-materialistic and loves me for who I am. I am still proceeding with great CAUTION though and we will probably live together at least 5 months before marriage because she has a tourist visa. There are alot of challenges ahead and alot of EXPENSES that can occur. It is not always the girl that can wreck the relationship. Be PREPARED for lots of lawyers bills, $150-$200 in phone bills, you have to buy her a new car, english classes, clothes, make-up, etc etc and the list goes on and on. This will be a new experience for me and I am just trying to have a realistic view of everything.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: By far... the greatest thing I have ..., posted by mck on May 28, 2002

There's a thread on the asian board called "Culture Shock and its Fixable answers" about 1/3 down the page that might interest you. Some of the people are offering their advice on how to help their GFs adapt to life in the US after they arrive.

-- Jeff S.

[Keith Smith]

... in response to By far... the greatest thing I have ever..., posted by nrvana on May 27, 2002

Excellent post!!!!! Very insightful. Wishing you and your wife all the best. Take care.