You see, these are the kind of things that...

[hilton]

Group,

Everything is going well.  And, for the moment, I can now truly realize, without a single doubt, why I'm in Colombia and wanting to find a wife instead of a girlfriend.

I was reading some news about Venessa Williams; very beautiful, talented, has 4 children, and a great husband.

But, according to one interview, in which "The singer, actress plays a witch in the Broadway production", she clearly stated that 'she would rather sacrifice putting her children to bed at night than to loose opportunities in acting and her singing careers.

You see, these are the kind of things that makes me angry!

It is no wonder that she has her mother looking out after her children, she has two nanny's looking out after her children when her mother can't do it, and a husband(Rick Fox who plays for the Lakers in the NBA) who is always on the road who can't spend enough time with a baby that he created with Venessa Williams.

It is no wonder that the American Family structure is dissipating.  When the mother and father roles are switched, which plays against Gods' natural structure of the family, you will be punished by 'total choas', as a result of going against what God tells you not to do.  It goes against everything that God wants for the family structure.  It goes against how God wants the family to be structured.

It is no wonder that the morals of america is going south!  Everyone seems to think that they can out-smart God, when in fact all they are doing is creating havoc in their own lives, as a result of not be obedient.

I'm not saying that women can't work; for those that aren't married and without children.  What I'm saying is that the American culture has evolved to such an extent that most people, both women and men, have forgotten their true duties as family members.  It would be like comparing the team members on a basketball team.  Someone who is 6'3" won't be able to play 'Center' position and dominate a person as big and as strong as Shaquille O'neal who stands at 7'1" and weighs 365lbs.  There has to be a structure in order for the team to do well.

It's no different with having a family.   The problem that I'm seeing in, even while I reflect news from America, is that the gender roles are shifting.  You have men becoming mothers and mothers becoming men; as far as family duties are concerned.  God didn't plan it to be that way.  And, most parents are wondering why they have so much chaos in there lives?...

It's no wonder they don't have more!  The family order, straight from the big man upstairs, is that the man is to take care of his family(and for those men who don't they are as unworthy as an unbeliever), the mother is to be submissive to her husband(notice I said 'husband' and not some man who is not her husband; and she's not a slave to her husband neither), and for children to obey their parents in all things.

This structure has deteriorated with the people who has the 'I know what's best for me and I'm going to do what feels good for me' attitude; instead of listening to what and how God wants to bless their families based on how obedient we are to God, his teachings, and his way of thinking.

It is written that 'foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child and that the 'rod' of correction will drive him/her from his/her foolishness'.  This means that when a child is disobedient to the commandments of his/her parents, that it's the parents duty to put the rod(a switch) of correction(punishment) to let the child know who is the authority of the house and to let the child know that if rules are broken then there will surely be consequenses for their actions!

Now, the question becomes, if 'Adults', like foolish children who act against the 'righteous' commandments of his/her parents, are acting against the commandments of God, who loves us with all his heart, how much more do you think he will punish us when we do something against his natural order of laws that he set for us?.....

Just look around you, look at all the broken relationships, broken marriages, broken homes, broken hearts, broken souls, and broken morals.  Then, tell yourself, 'I can truly understand my reason for wnating to find a wife in south america'.  These women are the best thing, to perfect family harmony, that we gentlemen will ever find!

Venessa Williams is a good example of the kind of woman I would not want to marry.  She's also a good example of how her own mentality of 'I want to fullfill my own dreams while sacrificing my time with my children', is something that I don't want neither.

Also, Venessa Williams is a good example of the kind of women that is leading the way for other women to immulate her, which means that more sacrifices of the disorder for the family will also follow.  This means that more men are going to rebel and more men are going to go south and east for future wives.

Fellas/women(if you're reading this message), starting a family is not a game.  When you start one, you finish one; and not on a part time basis neither!  Parenting is not a 'sometimes' job.  It's a 24/7/365 days a year duty.  When you decide to become a parent, you have decided to start living for the creation that you have created.  This is the very reason why God created a family order; so that family conditions would run smoothly according to the natural leadership roles that he granted in the family structure.

On the other hand, Venessa Williams, and all the other women who wants to follow her...well...none of them won't get my business of me even looking at them.

I'll be busy having other people looking and wondering how I could be with such a lovely, down-to-earth, wife who knows how to be a 'true' wife.

Hilton

[Cali vet]

... in response to You see, these are the kind of things th..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

Hilton, would really enjoy hearing about your first hand experiences, on site impressions, you know, "trip report" stuff from right there in Bogota, Colombia, South America???

[hilton]

... in response to Re: You see, these are the kind of thing..., posted by Cali vet on Apr 20, 2002

Cali,

As I promised, I will post my experiences after I have fully experienced the things that will happen to me, once I'm in Cali.

It will be a while before I do so.  I have certain reasons for this.  But, believe me, I wouldn't let you down.  It will just be longer than what most people are willing to wait.  

But, the wait will be well worth it...

Peace..

Hilton

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to You see, these are the kind of things th..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

It is unfortunately rare in the US!  I have several good friends that have a family first attitude, but they sure seem a lot less common to me than the pissed off, never satisfied people you come across.

If you don't mind me asking, you seem to have some strong religeous beliefs, but I'm guessing you are not Catholic.  Is the Catholic religion compatible with your beliefs or do you see this narrowing your prospects further?

[hilton]

... in response to Great post about Family first!, posted by HappyInBrazil on Apr 20, 2002

Happy,

Even though I went through 14 foster homes between the ages of 4 and 17, my social worker made sure that my grandmother, who was too old to take care of me(according to the social worker), made darn sure that I was partly influenced by church.

I grew up as a catholic, though I must admit, I very rarely go to church.  I have many reasons for this:

- more so than any other time, in the history of serving god, in Gods' house, most people are going to church to socialize first, and pray second.  Not good...

- most people who go to church are not doing it in full righteousness.  They do it because it is the 'common' thing to do.

- most people who go to church are hypocrites to the highest degree.  Most think that going to church will do something to them that the other 6 days didn't.  This is the wrong way to go to church.  Even while I was going through all the foster homes, I would date girls, whose parents were in church twice a week, and when the parents would see me with their daughter, they would make 'ungodly' remarks about me for some unknown reason.  Better yet, they would stop their daughter from dating me!  Apparently, church didn't do those families any good.

- lastly, God is made up of spirit and not religion.  Religion is man made.  God is spirit filled.  When god created Adam & Eve, he never told them to go to church.  He gave them commandments to follow, pretty much like what your parents would give to you as a child, and if they didn't follow those commandments, punishment would surely follow.  But, if they followed his commandments, the fruits of blessings would be a never ending commodity.

So, you see Happy, realistically, it's not all about the church or even going to church.  What it all boils down to is your salvation between you and God.  The best way that God will bless you is when he sees that you are doing righteous things when nobody else is looking at you.  This is an evolution of the spirit and is not caused by going to church; but is caused by internet spiritual evolution.  And, that can only come from wanting to please God; just like you would(deep inside of your heart) would want to please your parents.

So, yes, according to my Baptismal papers and my confirmation notes, I am a Catholic by religion.  But, on the other hand, learning the truth, by seeing how other people follow the word of God, has lead me to see, in full light, that church goers are just as much coerced into doing evil and are tempted by evil as the man who never goes to church.

As it is, I would rather understand the spirit of God and follow his commandments, than to go to church every single sunday and become part of the 'groupies' that negate biblical teachings 6 days out of the week just to see how much I can be forgiven on a single day(Sunday).

Therefore, I choose, as my own will, to follow the teachings of God & Jesus, in the spirit.  

Remember, God is made of spirit, not religion....

Peace,

Hilton

[Edge]

... in response to You see, these are the kind of things th..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

are able to go south and find "traditional" women who appreciate what we have to offer.  I have a few friends stuck with their AW who are just never satisfied.  It is generally never enough to have a traditional family.  Give me a break.  They are jealous of me with my caleña.  This woman actually takes care of me.  Can you imagine?  I feel sorry for the guys having to deal with AW and the crap they can lay out.

Somewhere along the line our country has really gotten off track.

[jim heinrich]

... in response to You see, these are the kind of things th..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

I recently attended a marriage in Cali where an American man married a Cali gal and thought some of you might be interested to know more.  

The ceremony took place outside in a park under a pavalion and began at 7;30 pm on a Saturday.  Lighted torches lined both sides of the walkway leading to the pavalion and the setting could best be described as very romantic.  

About 90 guests arrived, 80 for the bride and 10 for the groom.  The bride had been attended to by a bevy of friends all day preparing her for this ceremony and she is prohibited from seeing her future husband for the 24 hour period prior to the wedding.  

At 8 pm. the music began "here comes the bride " and she arrives arm in arm with her father down the lighted walkway where she is greeted by the groom.  He sees her for the first time today and greets her with a tender kiss.  

They now sit at a table in front of all the guests and the notary begins the ceremony.  He reads in Spanish for about 15 minutes all the legal requirements of this marriage and then another 15 minutes for fingerprints taken from each party, one print from each of the fingers on both hands.  Now despite the fact that the groom has no idea what the notary has been saying they are declared husband and wife.

We form a line and everyone individually greets the wife and the husband.

Now everyone retreats to the tables where seats are reserved.  One table for family members, one table for the grooms friends and about 10 tables for the brides friends.  Champaigne is served and the band begins to play as everyone is in a festive mood.

Within minutes ladies from the other tables come to the "gringo " table to ask us to dance.  I assume it would be rude to refuse anyone a dance.  From 9 to 12 pm we were all constantly dancing and having oh so much fun.  No one cares about how old you are or your status in life etc. just dance and have fun.  The ladies are so beautiful and open and friendly and they ask ME to dance - what a pleasant surprise.

Now a delicious dinner is served buffet style and a mariachi band (10 strong ) arrives and entertains us for about 45 minutes.  At 1 am the band returns and we continue to dance under the stars until 3 am.

Its over now and goodbys are said by all.  Everyone has interacted and had a great time.  The brides family were so friendly, they really wanted to know all of us and they were concerned that we all had a good time.  And what a good time we all had.

[bogota vet]

... in response to You see, these are the kind of things th..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

Hilton,

I noticed in Colombia alot of the women with children, have the grandmother or old aunt take of the kids while they go work. Also many also have maids, even middle class, the maids do all the housework while the women goes to work.

This why there are so many unmarried women with kids in Colombia, especially Cali, they can get away with it, it is built into the culture, the old family members look after the kids.

In the US , the women with kids has to arrange day care. because rarely do the parents and grand parents live in the house.

ON a side note: you will see each major city in Colombia is a country unto itself, each is different.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: You see, these are the kind of thing..., posted by bogota vet on Apr 19, 2002

Beautiful post, hilton, right on the money. Bogota vet, big difference in having a family member take care of a kid as opposed to the day-care setting.

[hilton]

... in response to Re: You see, these are the kind of thing..., posted by bogota vet on Apr 19, 2002

Bogota,

That is one of the many reason why I will not marry a women with children.

I know that sounds demanding.  But, I have my priorities in line and my goal in full vision.

I want to start off fresh with no interruptions.  I want it to be just her and I, at the beginning.

I will be straight up honest with her about what I expect, what I want, and what I can provide for her.  I will ask her to do the same for me.

But, there's just no way that I will marry a women with children.  This is one of my criterias that I will not break.

Peace...
Hilton

[Pete E]

... in response to Bogota..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

Hilton,
I respect your decision not to accept a woman with children.For me the "no way" was to find a woman who wanted more children,as in starting out again with babies.I couldn't see that at my age,but this is what most of the women want.You actually meet the criteria of most of the women so I'm sure you can have what you want here.
But,I couldn't help but think when I read your post that if you met the right woman in every way except she had a child you might reconsider.If you got "thunderstruck" as Hoda puts it your thinking might change.
My guess is you are going to meet the lady you are looking for in Cali.I'm just waiting to hear the details.I think there is a good story brewing here.
Enjoy your adventure.Life is now!

Pete

[NW Jim]

... in response to Bogota..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

n/t

[Keith Smith]

... in response to Bogota..., posted by hilton on Apr 19, 2002

you are NOT wrong! I don't want to have a (romantic) relationship with a woman with a child (or children)because of experience. I've noticed that ladies with children have this incredibly bad habit of asking me for money. Not ALL of them, but quite a few. I don't consider myself to be selfish, but I am NOT responsible for another man's child or children. Plus, I would like to have my own children. Later.

[Cali vet]

... in response to Hilton..., posted by Keith Smith on Apr 20, 2002

Kieth, I think most who have been to Colombia are familiar with that "bad habit". I think we'd all be hard pressed to find a colombiana who won't ask eventually. Some just ask sooner than others. Which president's wife was it who told us "just say no!" Got to learn to be tacano, a gringo duro!

[Keith Smith]

... in response to Re: Hilton..., posted by Cali vet on Apr 21, 2002

True indeed, Vet. However, it's not just a 'Colombiana thing.' Remember the story I told you about my ex from Honduras? I gave her a nickname, "LA ESPOSA DEL DIABLO." That's how psycho she was! That's something I don't want to go through again. Later.