I've been reading Mike's tale of woe and many of the responses, and I have to make some comments on Latinas assimilating to life in the US. I have close to 75 Mexican and Central American mostly female employees, all but one, my secretary, are immigrants, and though she was born in California never even heard English until she started kindergarten. There is no real way of telling who will assimilate and who will not. Most of my employees have been here for years and still do not speak a word of English - of course they don't live with English speaking people, as in the case of what most of you are looking for. They listen to the radio and TV in Spanish, shop only in stores where the employees speak Spanish, eat only in resturaunts where they can speak Spanish, and in general completely avoid anything "American." Many do not talk to me even in Spanish (mine is conversational.) Some, however, make a sincere effort to learn the language and do things where they're not completely surrounded by only people from their country.
It's not city vs country people. One if my manufacturing leads is from a good family in Guadalajara, has been here for four years and cannot speak a word of English, while my packaging lead is from a little ranchito in Guanajuato, has been here less than 9 months, and can almost speak fluently. It's not education, my chief inspector was a Dentist in Mexico, is now a US citizen, has two children in high school, and has been here over 15 years - not a word - while I have a machine operator who has maybe a 2nd grade education and has been here about a year and tries out some new English expression on me every day. She also explores malls, movies, and other places where many of the non-assimilators dare not venture. It's also not age - I have several late teens women who wouldn't even consider venturing outside their community while I have a 37 year old woman who arrived about 6 months ago and is already dating a gringo, asking about all sorts of places some of the younger ones wouldn't consider and can get by pretty well with her limited English.
What it probably boils down to is simply desire. Those who want to try to learn the language and learn the things that Americans do, do so, and those who don't, never will. They'll always be outsiders in the US - at least outside their communities. It's pretty easy to get by only in Spanish here in Southern California. Even the Viet Namese immigrants around here learn Spanish along with English. I know if I were living in another country, I'd pick up the language pretty quick because I would want to. I learned both Japanese and Spanish this way. I also tend to avoid gringos when I'm overseas and would much rather hang out with the locals - but that's most definately not the case with the vast majority of the Mexican immigrants I've known and dealt with over the years (hundreds.)
I guess what I'm saying here is that, I don't believe there's a magic formula that will guarantee that you won't end up with a situation like Mike (JunFan.) It takes lots of time getting to know your new novia and a constant awareness of what's right and what's wrong with the relationship. I know that can be tough when you're "in-love" and she takes your breath away, but keep thinking with the big head and by all means take your time to know for sure.
Just some random thoughts on a Sunday evening.
-- Jeff S
