The living is easy.

[markxport]

... in response to Age gaps, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

Interesting question and responses.  Can't explain why you haven't seen this through ex-novias gatherings.  

However, as far as in public, one explanation maybe similar to our own culture.  How many men in 40+ want to go to shopping with the wives.  I think all women are always out there shopping, even if its just window shopping.  Most men might do it in there 20's, but by their 30's they find better things to do than window shop....  not saying this is the explanation, just one possibility...

Take care,

Mark

[Throw]

... in response to Age gaps, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

Diablo, My trip was outstanding.  Saw more talent than in past trips.  But in reference to your thoughts about the age difference and not seeing many couples that had it.  I think part of the reason is the amount of available men that are 15-20 years older than these girls.  I mean us 30-50+ year men go down to Cali and hang out in the bars, and clubs and malls where the young girls are.  So therefore we are available in that environment.  Rarely do you seeing our age guys at say Gallileo.  Just ain't happening.  If they are there let's say at chipi, they are with the wife.  So who are they picking up.  Second having been to many family functions like yourself you know all these guys seem to have at least 1 other family other than the one that they are with.  It seems very common.  My point is this guy has two families and young chick figures this out fairly quick and dumps his ass.  She does not want to be the third family for this guy. I hope this wan't too confusing...

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Age gaps, posted by Throw on Feb 19, 2002

Damm I'm confused Throw....No I understand what you're saying, it may be somekind of combo between demographics and where we hang out.  Things may be different at Gallileo than out in the barrio for instance.  

Taking your good explanation into account, what I'm seeing still doesn't make total sense to me (-:  OK I mentioned the family thing with the three ex's but it doesn't end there, that's just the tip of the iceburg and I could go on and on.  For instance, when I stayed with my friend in Bogota at XMAS a couple years back, we celebrated the customary Novena were you visit a different relatives house in the evening.  This went on for nine evenings and we went to a new families house each and every time.  I mean talk about a large family and yes the same was true, the wives and husbands were more or less the same age.  OK I understand that it's possible that some of these men may have had other secret mistresses or even second families but familia numero uno was the wife of the same age.

Glad you had a great trip.....

El Diablo

[yc]

... in response to Age gaps, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

El D, could the difference between what you were hearing and what you
were seeing be generational.  I am thinking that with the moms, dads,
aunts and uncles things were more on equal grounds which probably
accounted for less of an age difference for their generation.  Just as
things have changed socially in this country, maybe there has been a
similar social change in Colombia... the widen of the age gap.  In this
country several years ago, an age difference of 5, 10 even 15 was more
common than it is now.  In modern westernized countries, social practices
seem to be out of sync with the practices of non-westernized countries.  

This shooting a bit off on a tangent. But in present day American
society, the latter Generation X'er and Generation Y'er tend to seek
someone their own age(usually within a 2-3 years of each other).  If you
are older than that you are really old in their eyes.  I am 34yo.  During
my time, to become involved with someone as much as 5 - 10 older or
younger was less of an issue.  What is your take on this.

yc

[El Diablo]

... in response to It's probably a generational thing, posted by yc on Feb 19, 2002


You may be on to something YC.  In the case of the family get togethers, the married couples have been generally 35 to 40 and up with a mean probably in the mid to late 40's.  This is clearly at least one generation removed from the young chicas we are encountering and marrying in the agencies.  The previous generations may have been more stable socially and so the reasons the new generation proclaim may not have been valid only a few years back.

Now on the other hand, have you guys ever read the marriage announcements in a paper like El Pais.  Maybe I'm dreaming but I think they show photos even.  I'm going to start looking closer to see what age the guys are compared to the gals, no not gringos and Calenas, we all know that age gap there approaches 20 years (grin).

El Diablo

[Throw]

... in response to It's probably a generational thing, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

Ya know I was talking with Bib last night about this and she indicated that the older men go to different night spots.  Not the Plaza norte's or brasilika, they are going to dinner club type settings.  The young chics want to meet those guys but don't necessarily want to go to those boring types of clubs or older spots.  Second point she made was every older guy has a least one child if not more plus a mistress.  A young girl does not want to get involved with that.  Yes they would like to have an older guy but the prospects are slim ie; older guy who is young spirited without strings.  Tough to find in Colombia.  Presto magic in comes the American who fills the bill.  Makes perfect sense to me...

[MarkInTx]

... in response to It's probably a generational thing, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002


Not to be as rude as that question sounds... But why do you care...?

I don't know why your relationships ended... did the women dump you, and you think it is because you are too old? Or what...? Why this obsession?

If a thousand couples have an age spread of twenty years, but your woman dumps you because she thought you were too old... what difference do those other marriages make? And... vice versa...

My last girlfriend was 10 years my junior. She was an AW. I don't really care what my neighbor's age spread was. The girlfriend before that was 8 years younger. Before that was 12 years. And before that I was married to a was three months younger. (All of these were AWs)

In each case, I made my decision based on the woman, not some normalized average...

So, I am curious why you seem to be so caught up in this...?

[El Diablo]

... in response to I'm curious... why do you care...?, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 19, 2002


Well why do we care about anything for that matter, I suppose it either interests us or perhaps we learn insight into something.  I've always found human behavior interesting and demographics is one method among many for looking at.  

Anyway, I didn't think of my responses as an obsession but I noticed that you yourself gave an opinion at least several times on the thread.

El Diablo

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: I'm curious... why do you care...?, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002


I've been sending emails back and forth with my girl in Brazil, and in between emails, I jump on here to see what's new.

I'll give you this, El D... you do keep posting...

SO, I carried on a discussion with you while I was waiting for G-- to translate my letters, craft her reply, and send them back...

Caught me :-)

But I'm really not concerned about the age thing. And it appears that you are caught in a bit of Analysis Parlysis about all of this.

You wouldn't happen to be an engineer by trade, would you...?

[El Diablo]

... in response to Yep... I admit it... I'm bored, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 19, 2002

Programmer but my education is in accounting or auditing... (-:

Some guys like to talk about Visas and time-lines but my thing is human behavior and social issues.  In keeping with my namesake,  I may overplay the Devil's Advocate but I give my honest opinion.

El Diablo

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Yep... I admit it... I'm bored, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

To paraphrase...

There is more in heaven and earth, dear El Diablo, than is made up in your philosophies...

Eventually, after all analysis is said and done, what we seek is love... and Love, by its very nature, can never be understood.

It can be, and is, discussed...

But never understood...

What is age to love...?

[MarkInTx]

... in response to It's probably a generational thing, posted by yc on Feb 19, 2002

I've noticed that on the profiles.

You see a woman who is 31 and doesn't have kids, and she might be asking for a partner no more that 35.

A 25 year old says she is looking for a guy up to 40?

Find a woman who has had kids, and she will be seeking a partner 55 or so.

I think it is a few things:

One, as you said, it is a generational thing. Also, though, a child changes the equation. A 30 year old woman who has never had children will be wanting one RIGHT NOW. So, age is on her mind.

A twenty five year old is still feeling "immortal" and so she is less concerned with ten years from now -- although, ironically, she should worry about it more Ten years from now, her husband will be 50, and she will really be wanting a baby... can he still perform? She may regret the impetuousness of her youth then...

On the other hand, a woman with a child is drivne mainly by stability. Much mor eso, I think, than the 20 year old who has no kids, or even th e35 year old with no kids...

I think all of these combine...

But the women who married 25 years ago didn't have the advantage of being pursued by a Gringo from across the world... so, she married who she knew...

IMHO

[Pete E]

... in response to Age gaps, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

ED,
Maybe the women prefer younger guys to date and older men to marry.Or maybe its just that the younger guys won't marry them.Why get married when there is so much action around?This can also become the attitude of a gringo who spends enough time there.Maybe the guy has to get a little older to want to be married.And maybe the girl needs to get burned by some young Casanovas to decide she has had enough of them,particularly if they left her with a kid or 2 before moving on to their next conquest,splitting at the first clue that responsibility may be required.

Pete

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Age gaps, posted by Pete E on Feb 19, 2002

Pete, everything you said makes a certain amount of sense but I'm just not seeing among my friends and aquintances families in Cali, large age gaps between married men and women.  I can't explain why this is so if older more mature men are preferred by the women and younger women are preferred by the men.  Maybe there is a demographic reason to explain my observation or perhaps I'm just wrong.

El Diablo

[Pete E]

... in response to Age gaps, posted by El Diablo on Feb 19, 2002

ED,
Let me speculate why the two points of view here are not necesarily at odds.Perhaps many Colombians,like Americans,marry people they met in school and therefore are close to the same age.Perhaps it is also true that large age differences are acceptable and in some cases prefered.It might also be a function of social class within the country.
Perhaps a woman who didn't happen to marry a young guy,or did to her displeasure,might be interested in an older,more established and responsible man,be he Colombian or gringo.
A case in point.Did you know that Rubby Rios,the former director of latin love was 46 years younger than her first husband?Not 6,16,26,36,but 46 years younger?It didn't work but might have been OK for awhile.I think she was 16 and he 62 when they married.He might have been a still handsome guy.
So I do believe large age differences are acceptable in Colombia,but they may not neccesarily be the normal situation.
Perhaps Colombians just don't think of age like Americans do.My wifes best female friend is 31  years older than her.Rocio is younger than any of her 4 children,and they are fast friends.They have more in common and have more fun together than the lady does with her own kids.There is a little bit of a mother daughter type thing to it,but they have great respect for each other and treat each other like equals.They love to shop,even though this lady has alot more to spend than Rocio.It makes the lady feel younger but I don't think it makes Rocio feel older.This lady had a major health issue and I think Rocio was alot of comfort to her.They tell each other I love you and mean it I think.This lady happens to be a very wise person,and Rocio,who is pretty wise herself respects that.
Anyway just guessing about the different impressions and stories on age differences.As you know my wife is 23 years younger than me.It doesn't seem to be a problem to her,yet.I joke that she is my old age care insurance.
ED it sounds like you are shopped out on Cali and probably should try another place.Bogota would probably be a good place with a better chance of more serious women than the ones you have been finding in Cali.Many of these little honeys just want to have someone take them out to dinner,ect.I know its comfortable in a way there but I think you have been there,done that.There may be a little bit of its not that great going on with you because you have not really found the person you are looking for.Thats understandable.And of course, here I am,dumb and lucky thinking,hey,its easy.

Pete