Reasons for mail-order marriage

[Nick]

Hi guys,

Look I'm sorry to post on your board with a question like this, but I would really appreciate your opinions.

I'm just interested in the reasons why you have to look abroad in order to find love, specifically through a mail-order system. I mean, we all know that the girls offering themselves up through this system are not looking for love, they see it as a means to escape a life of poverty (and who could blame them?).

I spent a few months travelling in Peru last spring and got to know a local girl quite well (purely as friends!). She told me of how she had joined an agency, and how she was willing to sacrifice her dignity in search of a better economic future. Apparantly a lot of girls she knew had done it. It’s possible to argue that some girls simply prefer American men but let’s face it, mail-order brides don’t come from Western Europe, Canada, Australia etc - most of them come from the worlds poorest countries, and are usually the poorest people within them.

My point is, are you really looking for love yourselves, or are you mearly looking for a domestic figure in your life? I was kind of disgusted by one of the posts on the Latin board, where some guy was rating the girls on a Brazilian site in terms of how skimpily-dressed they were. These are human beings! Marriage should be a beautiful, lifelong coming together of two souls who are in love, not (*in my opinion*) an agreement based on necessity. Of course, it is convenient for you both but by failing to look for love with your own eyes, I feel you could be missing out on something very special.

What do you think?

Nick

[paulsaxton]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

WOW!!!  what a witch!!!

[Dean]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

Dear Nicole....

I'm sure that you weren't talking about my wife were you....

Trying to picture you....
Gamey, Birkenstock and dentally challenged.....  

Dean

[Bueller]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

Hi, Nichole. I think you´re not sorry, and you aren´t as interested in our opinions as you are in being insulting and stirring up trouble. I think you´re probably a hairy-legged, Birkenstock-clad (and being from the UK, a little gamey and dentition challenged as well) Womens´ Studies major who came trolling through here doing research on "trafficking in women", and decided to have a little fun with it. I think that´s a lot more believable than your story about your friend who said she´d sacrifice her dignity, and who knew a lot of girls who had. I think you should get a life.

[Nick]

... in response to Re: Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Bueller on Feb 11, 2002

I should get a life?

From someone with an interest in foreign women, you seem remarkably racist...

Nick

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: Re: Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 11, 2002

...that you're not writing.  My opinion remains unchanged.

[digital1942]

... in response to Well, I'm sure you'll put that in your l..., posted by BubbaGump on Feb 11, 2002

He sure got a lot of responses for his mild provocation.    I suggest that he change the theme of his term paper to "How to be a successful troll".

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Bueller on Feb 11, 2002


Dayyum!!!!!

a little gamey & dentition challenged? Ouch-ouch!

[yc]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

Nick I would beg to differ on your comment that, "... mail-order brides don?t come from Western Europe, Canada, Australia etc - most of them come from the worlds poorest countries, and are usually the poorest people within them."  Take a look at www.match.com website for instance.  Do a search for females in the countries you mention above.  I think you will be surprise by the number of women that come up in the search.  There are others such websites such as www.date.com where you will find a large proportion of the women listed are from the countries you stated MOBs don't come from.  As a matter of fact, agencies that list western women are very easy to find and are in sufficient quantity.

Nick the reason you find these guys here is that we all share a common interest.  That interest is we are genuinely seeking a serious longtime relationship or marriage with either an asian, a latina or russian female.  Many of the agency links you will find here are primarily specific to one of the 3 types.  If you going by just the listings you find here I can see how you would get that mispreception.  But if on the otherhand you are making that judgement based on a common preception found in this country, that these foreign women are just dying to get over here in the good ole U.S.A. because things here are so much better, then that is an entire matter altogether.  Excusing the green card seekers, opportunists, etc... To some degree this is true.  However I think if you were to put the question before these ladies as to where they would like to live, most would tell you they would rather stay in their own country if it was possible.  I am basing that on what some of the married guys on this site have said their wives have stated.  Many of these women are very loyal and have much pride in their country.  You can find exceptions to this, but in general this is true.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by yc on Feb 11, 2002


YC why defend the undefendable?  We all know that the majority of relationships where Americans travel to other countries with the sole purpose of finding a bride, involves men travelling to poorer countries.  In Europe guys are not travelling to Paris or London but Moscow and Saint Petersburg.  In the Far East guys aren't travelling to Tokyo but rather Manilla or Naning.  Even in South America, few guys are heading to Argentina where the standard of living is highest despite recent economic problems but travelling to Colombia.  Yes women in Australia advertise in MATCH.COM but most of them are looking for relationships with Australians. IMO it's a  poor comparison to compare a woman from a country with more wealth who is looking for a relationship in her own town or country with a woman from Russia for instance who will pretty much travel anywhere to be married, just not Russia.  

A good case can be made for foreign relationships and I don't think we need to apologize for our involvement in it should our hearts and intentions be in the right place.  On the other hand, I don't think every statement critics may make about the process be defended to the death.  Of course economics plays a part in this for the women just as interested younger and more attractive females plays a part for the guys.  

El Diablo

[yc]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by El Diablo on Feb 11, 2002

Hi El Diablo,

I am not apologizing for seeking a foreign bride.  As a matter of fact, I am very pride in doing so.  Like those that felt like myself, I had given up on getting married until I found out about this method.  It was a relief to find out that there were still females in this world that took pride in their femininity.

To be totally honest with you, I don't know why I even bothered to respond to this post.  I suspected this Nick person had feminist objectives, but I wanted to give this person the benefit of the doubt.  I guess it was just instincts.  To me, that statement about only females from poor countries lower themselves by becoming a MOB so they can escape poverty, was erroneous.  I know the term MOB is not an accurate term for what we do.  It is a hangover term from over a hundred years ago, which was not even accurate then.

I guess I am hung-up on this elitist attitudes that certain people in this country have.  They seem to think they are better than the rest of the world.  They have this view that most of the world is in the dark ages, in particular with regards to women, and it is some how their duty to come in and re-educate the populace.  How much more arrogant can a person get.  These people have no idea how most foreigner think.  I work in an environment where all the AW think that foreign women wants so much to be like them.  If they would take the time to ask and understand what these foreign women have to say, they would understand that most foreigner want and desire the prosperity we have in this country.  But as far as our value system goes, they do not want anything to do with it.  But some how these AW do not get it.  What can our society teach anyone about family when 50% of the so called families in this country is fragmented.  Last time I checked the divorce rate in this country was 55%.  When it comes to education we are at the bottom.  I read a report from some federal dept two years that stated that AW are dead last when it comes to comprehending the concepts of higher mathematics.  We spend all this money on education and this is the results that we get.  HELL, GIVE ME A DUMMY ANY DAY!  I would rather have uneducated person with good morals and values then an educated fool with no morals at all.  Another report by the U.S. Justice Dept stated that in a large proportion of the cases involving domestic violence, it was the female who initiated it.

So I ask again why should a man seek an AW?  Do not get me wrong, I am not saying all AW are bad.  However, if you look at the evidence, the deck is stacked against the typical AM in finding a good AW.  There is a 6 in 10 chance that if you marry an AW it will end in divorce.  Marry an asian or latina an the chances of divorce drop to about 2, 3 maybe 4 out of 10.

I apologize for the ranting El Diablo.  It was not aimed at you.  I am pretty sure you are more than familiar with what I stated above.  You might even concur.  It just erks me as to how people can look at the some evidence and draw entirely different conclusions.

Take care!!!

[El Diablo]

... in response to I will tell you the reasons . . ., posted by yc on Feb 11, 2002


Hi YC,

I wasn't suggesting that you were apologizing for seeking a foreign bride.  I think you missed my point.  What I was suggesting, at least from my perspective, is that some of the very things the so called critics bring up are in fact true.  One of these points is that the women we are seeking more often than not come from countries with severe economic and or social problems.  This is true and I think the evidence is overwhelming.  Another claim made by critics is that men are marrying women much younger than themselves. Again, these things are really obvious when you look at the movement honestly.  When I have a conversation with someone who is a skeptic, I never deny these things.  I try to explain that despite all these things, two people with good intentions can find love and hopefully a lifetime together.  I personally don't rag on AW either because I think it's an easy out and my own view of Latin American women is that in many ways they are not much different than their AW sisters.

Anyway, I truly believe foreign relationships can be successful.  I think these relationships can be presented to society in a positive way but I think it is a grave error and counter-productive  to deny things that are in fact true but make society perhaps uncomfortable.

El Diablo

[JUAN]

... in response to Re: I will tell you the reasons . . ., posted by El Diablo on Feb 11, 2002

I used to drop by and read this board a while back but stopped doing so for a while, I just decided to drop in today and this is at the very least an interesting thread.

I find your response very 'objective' and you make some good points.

[yc]

... in response to Re: I will tell you the reasons . . ., posted by El Diablo on Feb 11, 2002

Hi El Diablo,

I was just giving my .02 on that particular statement that was made.  El Diablo, I understand and agree with most of what you what you said.  However, my point was that those that use an agency to seek a spouse are not specific to just those that live in nonwestern or nonwesternized countries.  Some critics have this idea that if you seek someone local it is fine.  Start looking in another country, especially ones less prosperous, then there is something shady going on.  The point I was trying to get across is that, whether you are and Australian looking for an Australian, a British looking for British, a Canadian looking for an American or American looking for a latina, asian or whatever... it is the same thing.  Why make a distinction?  Both culprits are using a service or means to find his/her ideal mate.  Period.

Economics has always played apart in the search.  I believe most of the guys here knows this already.  This is common to all women, no matter where they are from.  Women in general tend to find a bread winner attractive.  But to say money is the only or primary motivating factor is erroneous.  Also when does improving ones economical situation in addition to finding love become undignifying?

I do not generally bash AW, but fact is fact.  In addition, the statement I made was aimed really at the feminist and their movement then the average AW.  These are the things that are not very much publicized if at all.  Do I believe these findings are absolutes... Absolutely Not!  But I do believe there is much truth in them.  If these sceptics are as educated as they imply, they should know already.  Granted the AM has to share some of the responsibility for the problem we have today.  But to say every single problem in world is a result of a testosterone high is erroneous.

Take care man :-)

[Ken2]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

Hey Nick~

I'm sure the motives will vary for each person, so it would not be wise to stereo-type men looking abroad for a spouse ( I think your on track in this regard as you seem to be inquiring, not judging).  This is my reason:  I grew up in Denver, which is heavily populated with Mexican Americans. Almost all my friends while growing up were of Mexican decent, most of my girl friends were Latinas also.  I love the culture the food and the women.  I would never marry an Anglo, its not in me.  IN the last year I have dated a least three Hispanic women, but found them to be extremely unfaithful/promiscuious (in their past) which is a red flag for me.  (My brother just got back with his common law after a short seperation because of her unfaithfulness ( she is a Mx Am.)  I have friends that tell me stories of their girls cheating on them.  I hear latin ladies on the Light Rail (train) tell stories of extramarital affairs (it is common place in this culture).  SO, I recently decided to scrap the whole idea of marrying a Mexican American (save myself the heart ache),  and find a lady who has some sense of dignity and respect for herself and her man.  Ironically, shortly after this decision, while surfing the web, I came across www.goodwife.com and that was all she wrote.  I've since meet an beautiful Latina who's 31, a commited Christian, never married, no kids, (Who has been burned by men in her culture) she, too,  decided to look outside her culture for a man with a sense of loyalty and respect.  Her family supports her decision and they are not a poor family.  Some of her sibling already live in the states.  I say all that to say, most of the men (in my opinion) are tired of being burned by indulgent, unfaithful, money hungry women who have been nutured with a appetite for material things or a better body or....you fill in the blank and are never satiated.  There probably are good women out there(USA), I just haven't ran into any.  From all that I gather, women from Colombia and other South American countries are known for their commitment to their husbands, children and family.  To them it is a serious matter.  Especailly if she is a Christian or a devout Catholic.  Thus,  one must decided what one wants and then go out and get it.  So,  I'm going.
Thats my reason.

Cheers
Ken