Are Colombian Women Opportunists

[Just Curious]

Well, I've been to Bogota twice and Cali once.  I had no problems meeting attractive women.  I saw the girl in Bogota twice, but she later married a Middle Eastern man because I wouldn't marry her fast enough.  Now the girl in Cali will probably go back to her old Colombian boyfriend because he's coming back from NY.  I thought she gave up on him because he cheated on her, but now he's sweet talking her, and she's buying it.

In sum, I'm wondering if most of these women from 3rd world countries are opportunists just looking for the next best thing that comes along.  Sure, I'm generalizing, but these women always cry when I leave and tell me that they love me like crazy; but then things fall apart 2-3 months after not seeing them.  I realize the distance and time duration are problems, so I'm planning to teach English overseas for a while.  I may not go to Cali, but maybe Peru or Brazil where the women are also beautiful and Latina.  However, I'm starting to wonder if their morals are just a little lower in Latin Countries.  Besides, the men sleep around so maybe comittment isn't as important to these women as I thought.  Or, maybe I just keep running into the wrong women.  I'm hoping my teaching/girl-hunting adventure to Latin America will turn-up better results because of the months I'll spend there, instead of weeks.

Any words of wisdom on the women, or recommended Latin Countries to teach English?

Thanks,

Just Curious

[Bueller]

... in response to Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Just Curious on Feb 16, 2002

JC, when are you thinking of going? My brother taught in Japan for a while, and said that when he got certified as an English teacher, it made a huge difference in the opportunities which opened up for him, and he quickly earned back the money he paid to get certified. He was living in Santa Clara County then, too.

  I recently met a Brasiliera here in Spain. She warned me about opportunistic women, and even suggested I lie about certain things in Brazil regarding my finances, desire for marriage, etc. in order not to be shark bait. When you go, it´s probably a good idea to keep your cards close to your vest while you´re looking.
 
  Miss Manners´ advice for singles is to find married people who are like the single people you´d like to meet, and let them introduce you to their single friends. For one thing, these people will screen your potential novias for you, and will know things which no private investigator would be able to find out. When I get to Brazil, I'm going to make a point of befriending middle-aged to grandmotherly types of women, probably without telling them of an outright interest in meeting single women. I will probably get a lot of introductions anyway, and it will also be very good to have a team of grandmothers on my side to screen women I meet on my own.

  The girl who's confused about whether to go back to her old boyfriend? Don't mess with jerk magnets.

  Teo

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Bueller on Feb 17, 2002


When will you be there? Where in Brazil?

[Bueller]

... in response to Good points... when are you going to Bra..., posted by MarkInTx on Feb 17, 2002

I'm leaving March 23 for Curitiba. Several people have told me really good things about it, such as it is the most intelligently planned city in Latin America. A lot of European blood there, which is not necessarily a plus for me, but I want a place that is relatively safe and orderly. Here are a couple of links about it:

http://www.pr.gov.br/celepar/seet/prtur/cidades/curitiba/indexi.html

http://www.dismantle.org/curitiba.htm

[Viajero]

... in response to Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Just Curious on Feb 16, 2002

First, let me say again that I really appreciate the ideas
and experience you guys have here. As a divorced guy, I
am committed to the idea that things will be different,
and better, next time. Every day I get good insight from
youse guys on how to improve my future relationships.

Having said that, I will echo some of the thoughts on
this thread. Yes, women (and men) are products of
their cultures. Hence, Latin women will tend to have
traditional values, and American men will tend to place
a high value on beauty. Not that it's bad, it's just reality.

Another reality. The more screwed up a country is the
more eager are those who have something to offer to
take off for greener pastures. It happened in the FSU -
all the doctors, engineers and scientists beat it,
followed (eventually) by the pretty girls. We see that in
Latin America as well. So it's really no wonder that
many, but not all nor even most, LWs will want to marry
as soon as possible.

In my case, many of the local girls in mi novia's town
were pairing off with gringos with the hope of taking off
to the US. My future suegra asked me point blank what
my intentions were, and I told her that her daughter and
I were hoping for the best, but in my experience long-
distance relationships frequently ended within 4
months (my previous 2 had, one due to the girl's
marriage to someone else). But I told her that if the
relationship lasted longer than 4 months, I would return
in 6 and we'd discuss the next step. So, my fiancee
knew right from the get-go that nothing other than
relationship building would happen in the first 6
months. She was OK with that, which was one of the
indications I was looking for.

Bottom line, we will have known each other for a little
over a year by the time she gets here, and with each
passing month (and my 3 visits to see her) things just
get better and better. And even after a year, only 1 or 2
of those local sweeties has made it to our golden
shores, some still waiting but most having been
forgotten. She will actually be one of the first few in her
group to emigrate.

[Tai]

... in response to Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Just Curious on Feb 16, 2002

Just Curious,

First let me say that although it might not seem like it at the moment...you were lucky that this happened when it did.

Your disapointment and frustration is understandable, but don't take the easy out and paint all Colombianas or "women of 3rd world countries" with the same brush.

Let us not forget that any man involved in this endeavor; searching for a bride in a third world country - can be accused of being an "opportunist" to some extent.

Clearly there are some women that are looking for the first and/or fastest trip out of the country/poverty/problems... -This is one of the realities/obstacles involved.

I would wonder though, what are the mate criterion that you are employing in your search. If you are encountering the same "type" of women repeatedly, more than likely there is a flaw somewhere in your selection process.

Perhaps you are being perceived as "anxious", and as a result ladies looking for the fast track are gravitating to you?

You have to determine what the "issue" is, but again consider yourself lucky that you found out sooner rather than later.

Take the time to determine your mistakes rather than dwelling on what "they" did to you...otherwise it will likely happen again and again, wherever you go.

"If you're bleeding in the water, the sharks will come."

just .02

Tai

[Just Curious]

... in response to Re: Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Tai on Feb 16, 2002

Some good points, but actually the woman in Bogota was desparate to get married, and now I'm competing with an old flame who was seeing my girl in Cali for several years.  You can't say that I seem anxious because I've always told the women that I was interested in finding a woman for marriage, but would not marry right away.  I want to get rid of the quick-fix marriage types.  This is why I didn't marry the first girl.  The second girl may have been on the rebound.  She was definitely hurt by her ex, so I'm a bit baffled that she'll probably go back to him again.

Sure, it's dangerous to generalize, but I bet that "opportunist" acurately describes many of these women.  Think about it: These women are often looking for a ticket out, or want to play with a "rich" American's pocket book.  I don't believe my girlfriends fell into that category, but I would say they were either desperate for marriage, or love.  All of us must be leary of the women at these agencies.  I'm sure these agencies are more likely to attract women who are desperate in some way or another; it's the same way in this country, right?  That's why it's better for me to stay in Colombia, Peru, Brazil or Mexico...so I can find women outside of the agencies and have more time to spend with the girls.  I spoke to a few Americans in Cali who were also teaching English to support their search for a woman.  They said that a majority of them were looking for a ticket out of there.  Just be careful; that's all.  Give it time, and don't assume you've got the dream girl because she says she needs you, loves you and will go anywhere with you.  I've heard it now for months, and they change their minds awfully fast.  (Maybe it's a young thing rather than a Colombian thing).

Thanks,

Just Curious

[Onephd]

... in response to Re: Re: Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Just Curious on Feb 16, 2002

How old are these women that you are dealing with? That could be your major problem.

Based on my limited experience in this, I think some of the women do realize that a man may come to visit them correspond with them and such but never marry them. Thus breaking their hearts and wasting their time.  I just spoke a beautiful lady today that this happened to. The coward of a guy sent her an email breaking up with her 4 days after returning to the states. All this after he led her to believe he was in a relationship with her.  

Some women know this scenerio is a real possibility and thus the man that steps up to the plate first, will probably be her man. It's sad that it works this way.  But the women might be thinking that if man spends all of this money to visit her and call her and then doesn't start talking about their future together (ie marriage), that the man may be not truly interested in her anymore. So what does she do? She jumps ship before she thinks you will.  

The best thing is to communicate your feeling about this to the lady, in the beginning of the friendship and constantly along the way. Always let her know where your feelings are.

Best of luck

[Zorro]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Are Colombian Women Opportun..., posted by Onephd on Feb 16, 2002

Onephd, I think you're right on target. You've got to put yourself in these women's shoes. I think that in the typical gringo/latina relationship, the gringo has to prove he's not just another easy-come, easy-go gringo. To them, a latino man there who is willing to commit is better than ten gringos here who won't.

[Just Curious]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Are Colombian Women Oppo..., posted by Zorro on Feb 16, 2002

The women I've dated were both 24, and very pretty.  Other Americans were waiting for their turn.  These women weren't interested in other Americans.  I was in the process of obtaining a Fiancee Visa for the 1st girl, but the 3-month waiting period was going to take 6 months because of 911.  I've also communicated my long-term intentions of marriage to the 2nd girl, but now she's believing that her old, long-term ex is now "different"--I honestly don't know how she can buy it, especially after she said Colombian men are "pigs."  As she said, she's "confused."  Honestly, maybe a little unwise.  So, I guess I may have been spared two potentially bad marriages by losing both girls to a quick-fix marriage and an old boyfriend....  I just don't know how much more of this I can take, and how much money I spare.  There are 68,000 more men than women in Santa Clara County alone, and I love Latina women....  I've got to do something.

Just Curious

[Onephd]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are Colombian Women ..., posted by Just Curious on Feb 17, 2002

Hey just give it time. Needless to say all the men that pursue this alternative, are indeed ready to get married, but no matter where the lady is from, the recipe for success is still the same. You have take your time and get to know these ladies.  My personal philosophy is that I have the same approach and follow the same "rules" of love with these women that I do with any other woman.  I wouldn't rush to marry an American woman and I'm not going to rush to marry a  foreign one either. I'm looking for my MS right.  

If I were you and I'm not sure of your age. But I have found (given my limited experience) that ladies approaching 30(that is 27-29, maybe 26) are more patient. I'm not sure how long your relationships with these ladies were. Just take your time. I firmly believe that a good woman will not want to rush into marriage for the sake of being married.  If she is "legit" she'll take her time as will you, in my opinion.  

Always remember that despite all the hoopla on the board about how great and "different" these women are from American women, the fact remains that "different does not alway automatically equate to the best lady  for you". Also I think it is easy to forget how hard this process is.  Sometimes advertising makes it sound as easy as 1,2,3 your married to God most perfect creature.  The only thing quick about this process over dating an American women in my opinion is that at least with this alternative, you know the women are serious and thinking of marriage from day one. But the rest, as I said earlier, is time consuming. You still gotta take the time to get to know them.

Anyway that's my two cents and more.. Please don't think I'm preaching or anything like that. Cuz I'm not. Man this thing is hard!!! Yesterday, a lady I was really very interested in told me she is not ready for a relationship because the last American man hurt her deeply. I was in the D-U-M-P-S!, I was like this is ridiculous. About 5 minutes later, I get a response for a lady from Peru that I had figured wasn't interested in me.  ...Viola!, new life, ha ha.. and who's to say that I still won't meet the other girl in the future. You never know which lady is going to work out. Only time will tell. Things are just like that sometimes.  Keep you head up!!! and keep going.  

Take your time. Hang in there, no one said this was easy.
:-)

[yc]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are Colombian Wo..., posted by Onephd on Feb 17, 2002

Very true Onephd.  Dispute the fact that the pastures are greener, a
person must exercise the same precautions as he would here.  Someone
looking for a quickfix marriage is most likely headed for disaster.  
Granted some have headed south and immediately found love, but I have a
difficult time believing this the norm.  Time must be spent getting to
know the lady and she you to find out if the two of you are compatable.  
I think if one finds a lady willing to do this he may well have a winner
on his hand.  In many ways, I think the time factor is even more crucial
due to the distance factor.  We all know that economics as well as the
political situation plays a role.  Rushing in to rescue a latina from
local problems does not spell the makings of a long lasting marriage.

From my limited experience, just like yours, I find that the older
latinas usually tend to be more sincere.  The 30 something latinas
usually reply back to ones letters or emails then the younger
ones... even if they are not interested in pursuing a relationship.  To
me, just taking the time to reply back even if they were not interest is
an act of sincerity and honesty.

[mck]

... in response to Are Colombian Women Opportunists, posted by Just Curious on Feb 16, 2002

im not really sure if there opportunists, nor do I want to find out. That is why I am sticking with Mexico. Mexican women at least I know what they are like and Mexico has a 5% divorce rate which I like.