Guys Help Please...

[David W W]

This is my dilema.  I met a sweet, kind Colombiana (in person) the first of half of November.  The trip was good, but the meeting was not as good as I had made it up to be in my mind.  My dilema is that I still love her but it isn't that "Can't wait to check my email to see what she has sent me feeling" or the "Can't wait till I can call her again feeling".  Is this a little normal after spending almost 3 weeks with them, sorting out feelings and all, or should I just spare both of us the pain of prolonging this.  

I know she loves me (I think more than I do her at this moment) and she is wonderful, it is just some things happened that have not sat well with me.  We did discuss this half way through the trip with a translator (of which she didn't talk much) and then later I asked if she wanted to talk to a translator again at which she admited not liking talking to translators, but wanted to the night before I left (at which we didn't have time to get another one).  I belive that she would marry me if I asked, but I do not know now if I could make her happy like I would like and do not know if she would make me happy like I want to be.

I guess my question is "Should I stick it out and keep trying with her or end it before it may REALLY hurt either of us?"

Any and all feedback would be helpful.  I am sorry that I have not posted my trip report yet, it is just there are good and bad things I do not want to mention and am trying to sort them all out in my head.

Thanks again,
David W

[Observing]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

Hi, I think you allowed yourself to become emotionally bonded to her which you should not allow yourself to become before you are sure of the person you have decided to marry. Your emotional state concerning her is overpowering for you right now and you are fearful of missing out on the right woman.

I think in your state right now you will probably rush into something which you will regret later. You do not speak the same language she does yet and cannot communicate deep serious issues and ideas which you need to verify before you marry anyone.

I suggest that you remain open to meeting other people and do not give into fears of missing out. But in the mean time don't allow yourself to become emotionally or physically bonded to any of the women you meet in your search process as this will overpower your reasoning capabilities that you need in order to properly make wise decisions.

Marriage is a lifetime type of decision, so great understanding and wisdom is needed before one is able to properly decide who the right person is.

Observing.

[David W]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

Just wanted to say thanks everyone for your imput.  It has all been helpful and appreciated.

David W

[H2-Oh]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

Sounds like you have already made your decision. If she's the one you'll know in your heart. Take a long walk alone and get quiet andl listen.

H2-Oh

[JunFan]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

Sounds like you don't speak Spanish and she not English, or at least you feel compelled to use a translator.

Then don't do it

[cdrab]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

With the lack of information you have supplied I would be afraid to give you any advice.
Besides take your time and give this some serious thought. Only you know if you are willing to accept the relationship and at what expense.
Good luck
Clint

[Pete E]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

David,
You need to discuss whatever is the issue that you haven't communicated well about.Latinas can have a tendency to want to avoid the issue(particularly if it is threatening for them.)You need to not let that happen.If your relationship is going to go anywhere you need to talk about any issues and concerns you may have.You need to let her know this.
Translaters may be uncomfortable but it sounds like the only way you can get through it.I would find one here.If nothing else you can hire a bi lingual psycholigist to translate(or someone with some sensitivity she will be comfortable with.)
If she keeps avoiding the issue it will kill the relationship.Sounds like you are losing interest because of this.Tell her she needs to come clean or the relationship can not move on.Many times issues avoided can be very important,and open up other issues.
If you are not interested in pursuing this then I would just forget her.

Pete

[Bueller]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

A couple of sayings to keep in mind:
 
  "don't get married unless you have to," and "don't marry someone you can live with, marry the one you can't live without."

[HappyIdiot]

... in response to Guys Help Please..., posted by David W W on Nov 27, 2001

n/t