I need help

[Bear]

To all Planet-Love posters

I sorry to say this but Honey and I can't seem to stop arguing.  It amazes me that this 100# beauty (dripping wet on a humid day) can argue with me so much!!!!  I keep saying if she soesn't stop I'm gonna really tickle her when she gets here (my choosen method od punishing her) but she says she'll like it and argues anyway!!!

You see I am so in love with this lady.  I see her on my computer monitor for several times every day for a few hours.  My heart just won't be still and I feel like I'm falling in love over and over and over when we talk or chat.  She so eagerly and willing tries to take care of me from 9000 miles away.  I honestly have never met someone who desires my well being or tells me how much they love me and care for me as she does.  We spend hours discussing how we'll do things for weach other and describing it to them.  (Man am I in for a good time!!)

Because shes so "ganda ganda mo" and really loves me and takes care of me. I decided to tell her that I was the "happiest, luckiest and most blessed" of all Gods creatures.  Ohhh but no she says, "I am".  SO I told her that since she felt that way surely I was but no she comes back that its her since I feel that way.  I was really caught off guard so I enlisted the memebers of my church by telling them how we argue about this.  And I asked them to all tell her how lucky I was when she got her to have such a wonderful sweet and loving person for a wife.  I thought I had to win now.  But no she went and got the people of her "cruellege" (you know why I call that school that if you have read any of my earlier posts) to support her!!!

So I need your help!!!  Please tell her how lucky I am to have her so she will see for once and all that I am the luckiest, happiest and most blessed!!!

Thank you in advance!!

Bear

[humabdos]

... in response to I need help, posted by Bear on May 8, 2001

I sure hope things work out for you two because if you were to fall off the high your on it could be very hard on you. Don't take things for granted shes not even here yet! LOL

Sorry for the negativity but...   HUmabdos

[Bear]

... in response to Re: I need help, posted by humabdos on May 8, 2001

There are always disappointments in life.  I know, I fell pretty far the first time.  Even when I knew it was a dead marriage I still kept trying for my childrens sake.  But that "thing" I was married to only cared about herself.  

Marissa is so different from that person its almost unbelieveable.  And I think if you knew me and understood what I was doing you would notice my efforts to see that it is very different this time.  I have learned alot from participating on this board but also from my faith and observing marriages that did work.  I have discussed all of my concerns with Honey far in advance and I ask her about hers.  We have even set ground rules for when there are problems.  Neither of us will throw "tampos" and both of us are aware of and have discussed how to re-act and to control each others "moody" times.  If you really love each other than you will able to communicate (both honestly share your feelings and listen to theirs) and respect each others opinions and needs. Even at that, it is but a fraction of the effort that will be needed (on both our parts) to have a strong marriage/family.  Both of us have discussed how the family most be first to each of us because if you fail the family then you have failed God.

Yeah I could blow it but I really don't think so because I have the most wonderful loving woman God made which makes me the "happiest luckiest and most blessed"!!!

Bear

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: Re: I need help, posted by Bear on May 9, 2001

Its funny Bear I felt the same way about my exwife. It turned out the "thing"  I married was only interested in herself and how much $$$ she could gather along the way.

I wish you two the best of luck. It sounds like your off to a very good start. I hope she can live up to your expectations and vice versa.   Humabdos

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: I need help, posted by humabdos on May 9, 2001

May I ask how much $$$ your ex gathered along the way?

Ray

[Carrisse]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: I need help, posted by humabdos on May 9, 2001

As you know I have a wonderful married life but there are problems along the way and if my hubby and I didn't work hard at our marriage, it wouldn't have gotten this far.

There should be no expectations when you go into marriage--only that you love each other deeply.  You could be the most compatible couple in the world but without love, it won't mean a thing.  As the good book says, Love covers over a multitude of wrongs.  Love should be the foundation of marriage and nothing else.

BTW, did you ever think about having a Fu Manchu instead of the scraggly beard you have right now?  Just asking.

[humabdos]

... in response to It takes two to tango, Hum, posted by Carrisse on May 9, 2001

One time I shaved my beard like Abraham lincoin with a hitler mustache!  I called myself hitlerham Lincoin! lol

Humabdos

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: It takes two to tango, Hum, posted by humabdos on May 10, 2001

N/T

[humabdos]

... in response to It takes two to tango, Hum, posted by Carrisse on May 9, 2001

Scraggly beard!!!   :o0   And how did you know I was growing my beard back?  Fu Manchu hmmmm It might make me look like a vampire! LOL

As for my Ex-wife it turns out she just didn't love me. You can't force someone to love. I tried my best but nothing would make her happy.  
                              Humabdos

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: It takes two to tango, Hum, posted by humabdos on May 9, 2001

Humabdos,

I had a Fu Manchu a couple of months ago. It made look like an albino Asian. Kind of like the blue-eyed blind guy in the old TV show "Kung Fu."

Dave "Grasshopper" H.

[Ray]

... in response to It takes two to tango, Hum, posted by Carrisse on May 9, 2001

Yes Carrisse, I agree that love should be the primary foundation of marriage, but I can’t agree with the “and nothing else” part. If love is the only thing holding the marriage together, then it may very well fail. Believe it or not, it’s not uncommon for a married couple to go through phases where there is little or no love left. The love can and does come back with time and mutual effort, but If there are no other foundations supporting the relationship, it will surely collapse during theses downturns.

Ray

[humabdos]

... in response to I disagree, posted by Ray on May 9, 2001

asdf

[Stephen]

... in response to I disagree, posted by Ray on May 9, 2001

Yeah, Ray, I think you have it right here.

When a couple gets married, love is the primary thing they talk about.  But she expects him to be faithful.  She expects him to hold down a job.  She expects him not to drink and gamble the money away.

Furthermore, if you just fell in love, you can just as easily fall out of love.  This very thing happens to millions of American marriages.  When I used to handle divorce matters I would have folks who had fallen head-over-heels in love with one another, but now they were head-over-heels in hate with each other.  THIS IS WHY THERE IS A COMMITTMENT FACTOR.  There comes a time when you no longer feel that "warm fuzzy" love, but you stick with it because you made a committment.  

There is also a "friendship factor".  I personally think that in the long run if a couple are not good friends, then something is lacking in the marriage.  Good sex won't last long if you don't like and trust the other person.

Friendship.....romance....common interests.....personal integrity....etc.  These seem to be some basic building blocks of a good relationship.

Just my thoughts.

Stephen

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: I agree, posted by Stephen on May 9, 2001

Hi Stephen,

Have you officiated at any marriage ceremonies yet? Several years ago, I dropped off paperwork at my divorce attorney's office. When I arrived, he was putting up decorations. My lawyer said that he would be performing a wedding ceremony later that evening. He worked alone, except for his faithful assistant, a Shetland sheepdog. He was also a notary. I found it kind of ironic, since I was on the downside of a marriage. Then he told me that he had also handled the couple's divorce. That gave me a good chuckle. In fact, he told me that this was to be the 3rd divorce/remarriage that he had performed (different couples) during his practice of law. ;o)) It seems it is easy to fall in and out of love, even when your lawyer advices against it. ;o)

I agree that friendship, romance, common interests, and personal integrity are some of the key building blocks of a successful relationship and marriage. Love is very complex. It is easy to convince yourself, that you're not in love with someone, when in fact you still are. My ex-wife admitted that to me...a little too late. The grass is no longer greener on the other side of the street. I've got sprinklers. Now she has to water by hand.

Dave H.

[Stephen]

... in response to Coming and going..., posted by Dave H2O on May 9, 2001

Yeah....I still do some marriages.

In California Lawyers can't do weddings; however, I am still an ordained minister.  (remember, I was a pastor for 17 years prior to becoming an attorney.)

I do about 2 weddings a year.  Currently, I have one schedules for sometime in June.  Tess is looking forward to seeing this.

You know, when I was a pastor I HATED weddings.  They were terrible.  Now, I didn't mind doing funerals because I felt I was helping people at a funeral, but at weddings I always wondered how long it would be till they were at each other's throats.  I did a pretty good 15 minute funeral.

I jokingly tell folks at since I am a lawyer AND a minister I can marry them, bury them, divorce them and write their will......all in one easy stop.

Stephen