Curiouser and curiouser...

[don2222]

Filipinas are not very common in Atlanta, but since Vilma has been here we have met 4 of them
working in stores and restaurants near our house.  The curious thing is that all four of them
have shared with us the fact that they have not returned to the PI since their arrival in the US,
and that they have little or no contact with their family in the PI.
I know that every situation is different, but this is a little weird.  None of them have gone into
any detail as to why they are estranged from their families. Also, none of these women know each
other.
Has anyone else heard of something like this?   Do any of you PI veterans know of a possible reason
for this?

Just Curious,

Don

[Howard]

... in response to Curiouser and curiouser..., posted by don2222 on May 6, 2001

Don,

I know that with Ayesa she is feeling abandoned by her family, especially right now.  In the last two days, My mother has received a Birthday Card and letter and I received a letter the other day.  Usually the letters that go to our house are addressed to my wife and her parents/sister slip in an independently sealed letter for me, but this time the letter is only to me and there is no note for Ayesa :c(

She made the comment a few weeks ago, after checking the mail, "I guess I have no family".  To which I replied, "What am I, chopped liver!?"  She smiled and hugged me, but I know she is hurting.  She is still more a daughter than a wife.  She doesn't realize that she never sends letters either.  She just feels abandoned because she doesn't get any news from her parents.  It seems recently that the only time she gets contact is when they need money.  I know her parents are not that type, but that has become the latest trend unfortunately.

Maybe the seperation anxiety is so tough on both sides that it just creates a total lack of communication, I don't really know.  I just answer the letters I receive in a timely fashion and wait to get another.  I try not to pressure Ayesa to write, I just ask if she's heard anything.  As much as I'd like to take the burden from her, this is something she has to come to terms with on her own.  I am only ever inches away if she needs advice, guidence or a shoulder to cry on, but I don't feel right butting in on this one.

That's all I have on this situation, wish I knew more :c)

Keep the Faith!

H

[Ray]

... in response to Curiouser and curiouser..., posted by don2222 on May 6, 2001

Don,

It’s not all that unusual really. I’ve known a lot of Filipinas who had little or no contact with the family back home, usually because the relatives were always bugging them for money.

My ex cut off contact with most family members because they were a bunch of leeches. They never wrote or called just to say hello, thank you, happy birthday, or merry Christmas. It was always another sob story of why they needed more money.

Just the other day, I was talking to a Filipino guy who hasn’t been back home in 33 years.

Ray

[JoeBravo]

... in response to Curiouser and curiouser..., posted by don2222 on May 6, 2001

Zeb is right. There can be several factors as to why they haven't visited the PI and why they haven't talked about family. Although Filipinos are known for their close family ties (which can be negative at times too), some families just don't quite live up to that (broken families do exist in PI). And most of Filipinos/as don't like broadcasting a lot of details about personal life to others unless they trust the people. I think that's due to the fact that back in PI, gossiping is a major hobby. Major family problems are kept just that, a family problem. Maybe some quirks are okay to talk about with other people but if something is embarassing then it is best to keep a lid on it. Or maybe the Filipinas you guys met just don't like talking about family at all.

[Zebson]

... in response to Curiouser and curiouser..., posted by don2222 on May 6, 2001

Don, although the majority of Filipinas tend to have strong family ties, I do think we tend to sterotype them somewhat this way. We often forget that there is a fair share disfunctional filipino families too. I would guess the odds increase for problems with cross family ties when some of them come to this country too. Often it could be a higher level of independance or something in their past/history to create a problem with the family or maybe a past relationship that created a divide also. It really all depends. I know that my fiance for her age is very independant and a very private person compared to most filipinas. Regarding family she keeps much of our relationship low profile, mainly because she doesn't like the gossipy type of problems that can develop. She to comes from a rather unusual family, in that she doesn't really know who her real father was, only knows her stepfather. Her and her own mother have never been super close. Still she stays in contact with the family..but it's much more casual than most Filipinas. Well that's what I am aware of...maybe this will provide a little more insight.

Zeb

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: Curiouser and curiouser..., posted by Zebson on May 6, 2001

I don't know if these women didn't talk about their personal lives too much, but if they had some type of relationships here, that didn't work out and their family/friends were maybe expecting to much from them, it is possible they could have been feeling ashamed/lost face whatever, and there by decided not to keep in much contact also....

Zeb