Red Flags....

[El Diablo]

Here's a story that illustrates what is becoming more and more common it seems to me. It's a good read but a bit long.  After I read the story, I actually had little sympathy for the guy as it seemed to me anyway that his gal was a walking red-flag.  

http://www.match-seeker.com/shane.htm

[mudd]

... in response to Red Flags...., posted by El Diablo on Oct 8, 2001

boy, this guy is "blind"!!!!!!  anybody could have seen the writing on the wall. i thought i was nieve.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Red Flags...., posted by El Diablo on Oct 8, 2001

.. is that the husband never seems to get to know the wife in her own country first. Skipping hand-in-hand in a foreign country spending vacation cash for a week or two before getting engaged sounds like lunacy to me. In my own case, I'd met all my wife's family, all her friends, including some that went back to childhood, her priest, favorite sushi chef, several of her college professors, her co-workers, her child's friend's parents, her sister's ex husband and his family, etc, etc, in three different trips to visit her. We spent three years "dating," over eight weeks in each other's company together, before getting married. Now there were still some surprises and all wasn't peaches and cream at first, but she would not have been able to conceal a past of prostitution and deceit. Whether Shane's story is real or BS (and I suspect it is - the Russian board gets different versions of that same story posted by obvious trolls on a weekly basis), it sure illustrates a point: You HAVE to get to know her, Don't go in there like a knight in shining armor to rescue the poor girl from a life of misery, and don't just listen to her lines. What's everyone in such a hurry for?
-- Jeff S.

[greg]

... in response to Red Flags...., posted by El Diablo on Oct 8, 2001

Gooood. Very good writer. Peabody

[Lori]

... in response to Red Flags...., posted by El Diablo on Oct 8, 2001

I'd love to hear this womans side of the story also. It seems to me that this man did not do much research in his quest to find a wife.  Sure he tried to learn the language. But did he bother to learn the culture?
This mentality that men are usually the victims and the women are usually the evil culprits in a relationsship is just not realistic to me.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Red Flags...., posted by Lori on Oct 9, 2001

There are always two sides to every story and that's undoubtedly true here also.  Nevertheless it's clear to me that these kind of things happen. I've seen them personally.  

I have little sympathy for this guy if I'm to believe his story because all the signs were clearly there.  I'm not sure why but it seems like this guy either ignored the obvious or chose to rationalize them away.  It was if he had so much inertia going forward with the whole adventure that he couldn't stop it or shut it down until it was too late.  

IMO this is one of the inherent problems of an MOB relationship.  When you need to break a relationship for whatever reason, it's not always as easy as breaking a relationship with a local AW.  The investment on both a financial and emotional level can be quite large in proportion to how well you really know this person.  It can make for some risky decisions at times.

El Diablo

[H2-Oh]

... in response to Red Flags...., posted by El Diablo on Oct 8, 2001

WOW, what a story. I know somewhat how this guy feels. Diablo,you know my last fiasco. Well let me give you a few more details since I saw Johanna last.
She managed to break into my apartment and steal some things. One thing she stole was the receipts for some of the furniture I bought for MY apartment. I filled out a few of the receipts in her name but my address, so that when the furniture came she could sign for the different items. She took these to the police and filed a complaint against me that I had stolen "her" furniture. Can you imagine the nerve of this B***H! I have found that while I was in the states getting  the fiancee visa she was have many different guys to the apt. for "sleep overs". Thank God I'm away from her.
 I have no doubt that she will trap some other gringo in her web of lies. Please all of you that read these posts, BE CAREFUL!!!! Get to know the ladies and take some time. The one thing I did right was take some time and eventually Johanna hung herself.
While there are horror stories, there are also happy endings. I have a happy ending and I thank God everyday for my wife. Good luck to all and keep your eyes open and listen to your head as well as your heart.

H2-Oh

[HappyIdiot]

... in response to Red Flags...., posted by El Diablo on Oct 8, 2001

I had read that before, and It is a good illustration, but also I didn't notice the guy who wrote the story taking much responsibility in the situation.

I think if we go into this process with realistic expectations, develop a friendship with the person we are interested in, and don't allow events to sweep us along, we are more likely to not have a "nightmare" experience.  I'm sure other people have a lot of insight on what the man (or woman) can do to increase thier chance of long term success, IF that is what they are looking for.