Update On How Things Are Going

[JunFan]

Hola Gringos,
I haven't been on this board in awhile, but thought I would check in to give some of the guys a little feedback on how things are going...we are doing fine. For the most part, everything has worked out great, but like any couple we have had our moments. We have been planning our wedding, which will be the third week of September.

She started classes at the community college last week, but it's clear this will take some time. I encourage all of you to really lay down the law with your women about studying English MUCHO while she is in Colombia, especially if you speak no spanish. It's hard for them to be motivated down there, and the teachers are not always worth a sh$t...but take my word for it, be firm about that. Of course, I am lucky that I speak good Spanish.  I can't imagine bringing a girl here if I didn't have the ability to communicate in Spanish.  For those of you who don't and are considering it, I would encourage you to get on your horse and start learning.  Even if she does speak some English, it helps a great deal if you speak Spanish...every little bit helps.

Looking back on the past month, the biggest adjustment for me is not being with a Colombian woman, but being with a woman period. Literally overnight, I went from being a batchelor with only myself to think about, and worry about...to a man who has lost all of his 'free time'. I was ready to stop being alone all the time, but I underestimated to some degree how set in my ways I had become. I'm not saying it's bad, cuz it's not...but it's a big f^cking change. Even if you bring a girl up here who speaks perfect english, she will still be dependent on you 100% as she will not be able to do much, if anything, on her own. She will not know anything about your city, much less how to drive in American society for awhile...and also, don't pay for driving lessons in Colombia, cuz I did and it became apparent to me that it was a complete waste of money after I let her drive my car around the block....I won't go into all the gorry details, but let's just say we ended up IN my neighbors front yard!!....

And last but not least, be prepared for more day to day expenses than you ever dreamed...And I'm not talking about going out to the malls or out to eat, but it is expensive buying everything for a woman, on top of your normal expenses. We actually eat 2 meals a day at home, and the other I eat at the office. While we save money eating at home, the grocery bill is not something I sneeze at anymore...and then there is phone cards...I better stop before I scare some of you guys...

And lastly, all of those who say the real work lies after she is here were not bullsh$tting...but, the Colombian woman is the most loving, loyal and family-oriented creature that I have found.

Buena suerte,
Mike

www.sparhard.com/colombia.htm

[Wayne]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

Mike,

Ha Ha Ha...

I hear ya bro.

My ex Russian wife hit the gas instead of the brake learning to drive and it was Mr Toad's wild ride through 3 front yards, airborne off a hill, mowed down an iron fence, and into a palm tree at 30 MPH.  I broke a couple of ribs.

And this was after 10 pro driving lessons in the states.

Hang in there, and get a Costco membership.

Wishing you much happiness,
Wayne

[JunFan]

... in response to I ended up in a front yard also..., posted by Wayne on Sep 7, 2001

My experience wasn't quite as heroing as yours...we were practicing driving around mi barrio, and were working on our turning...well, she turned all right!!  But the problem was she never recovered the wheel from the turn.  We popped the curb on the corner lawn, proceeded to trench it...kinda reminded me of my HS days. I was screaming frena!! Deja!! fren!!, all that did was cause her to hit the gas.  I had to reach over and jam the stick into park (works wonders for the transmission..LOL), and we finally came to a grinding halt about 10 inches from an oak tree.  I fell lucky we didn't plow through the house.  I'm going over there tomorrow to offer to help fix the yard.

Next time I think we will go to a shopping center parking lot at about 3am...actually, I think I'll let Sears Driving School give it a shot...I may have a heart-attack if I'm present again.

Lucky to be alive,
Mike

www.sparhard.com/colombia.htm

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: I ended up in a front yard also..., posted by JunFan on Sep 7, 2001

You sissies, I taught a Costa Rican, and with a manual tranmission.

[DaveyRich1]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

Thanks for all the encouraging info. ha ha I was married in Cali on September 2nd we traveled to bogota the following day and went to the embassy on September 4th There weree 7 american guys with new colombian wives we were all given September 21 as the second Appt. My wife will travel to Memphis on September the 24th Thanks for the advance info on the adjustment

[Hoda]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

For me,

I've been sharing my life with two little ladies, well... they're not so little anymore. I can understand you adaption to the removal of all the "Free" time you once had. I've had less than you & will probaly lose the remaining nano seconds once Stivalis finally gets here. And you know, I can't wait...lol. We've already started on creating a network for Stivalis up here. She has family in New Jersey & has a few e-mail buddies within 50 to 100 miles of here. With the considerable spanish speaking population up in here in NYC. I doubt she'll feel culturally isolated up here...

Thanks for mentioning, that you & your lady sometimes bump heads. It's a natural, growing process in ALL relationships.
Stivalis & I have bumped heads heads a few times. It's only natural for it to happen. Contrary to my relationships with AW, we've NEVER argued over money. Stivalis is more cost conscience than me. We've talked about the cost of living here & her potential cost to call home, once she's here.

I've come across a few of the ahem.... english classes & teachers you speak of. Stivalis claims her best lessons have come from me & when she's in a group of people, who speak english as their "First" language. I realize, that all the prep in the world, won't substitute for the real thing. But hey, it beats not prepping her at all...

Stay strong bro....Hoda

[Jeff S]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

Yep. That adjustment period is tough - and as one poster said, it'll get worse before it gets better - but it does get better - lots better after a while. Hang in there and best of luck to you and your sweetie.
-- Jeff S.

[JeffA]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

thanks for the update... I'll be joining this club-- gringos wed to colombianas in November. I have tried to talk to my prometida about intensively studying English, and I'll tell her to examine your post!  

Like you, I speak good spanish, but I have tried to tell Luisa that there is NOBODY here other than me who speaks spanish-- small town, insular and insulated.

Keep us (or at least me) informed Mike, and continued good luck!

Jeff

[HappyIdiot]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

n/t

[buzzy]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

n/t

[rafael]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

Makeup and salon bills alone can put ya in the poorhouse;-) We eat out a few times a week, but I am still saving money as I used to eat out almost every night when I was single. Now that Iris has learned how to make her favorite. . . . . .Buffalo Wings, we might not ever eat out again!

The first year or two can be very tough. You are absolutely right about speaking Spanish. Even though my Spanish is decent, there can be misunderstandings. Having at least ONE person that will speak to her in her language can help a ton. Plus you will be better prepared to help her with her English.

Calling cards can get expensive as well, but honestly I spent WAY more calling her when she was still in the Dr, than she does calling home. She is more "frugal" while I tend to spend money like water, so it's a good combination.

Good luck, but be prepared. After a few months the "novelty" of being in a new country with her husband wears off and the loneliness and homesickness kick into second gear. It will get worse before it gets better.

[pack]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

thanks for the update junfan. this is what i hav heard from many gringos married to colombianas. good hearing from you again...missed ya.

[Michael B]

... in response to Update On How Things Are Going, posted by JunFan on Sep 6, 2001

Glad you're doing well. Let us know when you get married.