family, friends, and money

[cdrab]

Just curious does anyone else have or had a problem that you have a novia, fiancee or wife in colombia that the family and friends are trying to get her to pay for more things, more than her fair share and in most cases pay for everything. I am seeing this more and more in my case and was wondering how many of you handled this.
Thanks
Clint

[rafael]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

The money question is a tough one. Most cases the children remaining at home all chip in to help pay the bills. Many times that is the only way to make ends meet.

My wife's family on her mother's side is VERY poor. Her Mom and two younger sisters live in a very poor Barrio in a rund down shack. They have never asked for a nickel. In fact they never even want me to take them out to dinner etc, while I am there. To them KFC is an extravagant meal!

My wife feels very bad for her family and we try to send a few bucks down when we have some extra we can spare. $200 every once in a while. My wife would love to do it every month but right now that is possible. Of course my wife wants to get a job so she can earn the money to send down as well as help out with our bills. Right now her learning English is more important.

Luckily when my wife came up here, we left our TV, VCR, Boom Box, and Computer with her family, so in the Barrio they are "livin large".  That makes things a bit better, but hopefully we will be able to do more in the future.

[meisme]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

I have a different take on this.  I feel that your novia shouldn't be asking you to pay for her relatives/friends bills at this point, that is unless you gave her reason to think you would. There is a conversation which needs to take place regarding your responsibility towards her family, if it hasn't already taken place.

If they are asking her to ask you for money she should tell them to stop asking.  It seems she also thinks you have  deep pockets, otherwise she wouldn't ask.

This has happened to me, it was my novia(ex) creating reasons to ask for money, the family and friends were not involved.

Some people can be very creative.

PS: I'm not saying your lady is this way.  Just my take in general.

[Hoda]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

Hey Clint,

Me & my lady decided on 90% of the details for our upcoming wedding before we even told the rest of the family. I've been blessed with the "Lack" of interference from friends & family. Her mother & aunts wanted to supply the food for the food for the reception. They wanted the food to be their gift & to help reduce the cost. Depending on the logistics, we may take them up on this offer. Lord knows, these women can burn...No Doubt!

But Clint, on the real! The cost of the church & related expenses, the reception, the cost in dealing with Bogota/INS
and her dress, if you're paying for the whole show, should be it. Stivalis doesn't like paying more than she has too. She has done a tremendous amount of footwork comparing Caterers, Photographers, etc, etc. The final decisions are between you and your lady. TELL THE FAMILY TO STEP OFF!!!!

Send me an e-mail with the number of guess & quotes you were given from the caterer. I'll ask Stivalis to take a look & see if, she can find something better. Fellas beware, Stivalis has told me in a number of cases, there are Colombian prices & GRINGO PRICES.

Peace Hoda

[cdrab]

... in response to Hey Clint...., posted by Hoda on Sep 10, 2001

Hey hoda
Hope to see you in Cali soon
 The wedding isn't so much the problem, as that is already taken care of but it seems that everyone from mother, step father, cousins, friends etc etc etc want a piece of the pie. Doesn't matter if it is food, rent, utility's transportation, there is always an expectation that you will pay.
I guess I should just get tough and say that enough is enough.
Thanks
Clint

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Hey Clint...., posted by cdrab on Sep 10, 2001

TO STEP OFF!!!!!

Food, rent, Utilities, etc, etc..... Ain't got nothing to with you getting married to your lady! I guess it's just human nature for some folks with little, to try and take advantage of a "Free ride" when it pulls up. If they protest, tell'em to kiss your (__^__)!!!!!! They don't have to come, to the ceremony. Let you lady know how you feel. Let her know, it would be better for her to tell'em, than you!!!

Stay strong....Hoda

[buzzy]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

Think strategy.  Learn to say NO.  The deep-pockets- behavior is widespread.  Everybody wants to jump on the gravy train.  So you can never let your guard down.  Have ready-made excuses for every conceivable situation and size up the money-grabbers quickly.  Or you could be like my New Yorker friend and simply put it their faces..."What?..You think I'm your rich daddy?...Think again."  He does it with just a touch of humor but the message is clear.  I'd rather be labeled a penny-pincher than walk away w/o my dinero.  But you got to have the fiance or novia in the same ball park.  If she works against you it's a tough mission...even for the New Yorker.

[H2-Oh]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

I ran into this problem. The family and friends will ask you to pay for everything they can think of. I told my wife we would pay a very small amount every month and that was it. This seems to work well for us. I was asked to buy pigs, pay for kidney operations, send money to a witch doctor to cast a spell on someone....you name it. Don't let your generosity get out of hand.....be careful.

H2-Oh

[cdrab]

... in response to Re: family, friends, and money, posted by H2-Oh on Sep 10, 2001

Howard
I know what you are saying I want to make sure my girl and her daughter have what they need but some of the requests just blow your mind. I can't blame my girlfriend because she always asks me first, I can only blame myself.
Clint

So bye the way how about an update on your story, or is it all happily ever after?

[pack]

... in response to Re: family, friends, and money, posted by H2-Oh on Sep 10, 2001

im the poster boy for sending and spending money!

[Tai]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

Clint,

Many have the belief that by being an "Americano", that means you are loaded with cash(though many gringos don't help the matter by how they spend during "dating" trips). Therefore, when the lady in question marries/engages into the "money", more pressure is placed on her to "tap" the new resource and provide for the rest of the family.

As you are discovering, if left unchecked it CAN get worse. Other providers may begin to relax, if they find that the Americano is willing to take up their slack.

You have to explain your situation to your lady, that you have your own bills and responsibilities here in the states...and though you don't have a problem with helping, you do have a budget that you must adhere to in order to prepare and provide for a life and future here.

just .02

Tai

[muddslinger]

... in response to family, friends, and money, posted by cdrab on Sep 9, 2001

i have heard of this before. it seems that since the girl is married , or engaged to an amreican,or a foreigner in general, they automaticly think she is rich now. it is also a jealousy thing because she is dating a foreigner, who most of them think that "we" have a lot of money to throw around. her true friends wouldnt care who she was dating or engaged too. tell her to pay for what she feels is fair, if they dont like it,too bad!!!!!!.