Something to think about.

[LJ]

I have learned some things lately that I wanted to share.  My wife and I have met some couples from Colombia in our area, that is Colombian man married to Colombian woman.  Recently my wife went to one of these woman's house for coffee with the group of the wives.  When I asked what they talked about, I was surprised at what she told me.

Some of the discussions were about the fact that the ladies had all gained weight since they have been here, and hated it.  My wife hasn't gained any weight, and is at the weight she was at before she got pregnant.  Then again we both enjoy staying in shape.  It was eluded to the fact that Americans are by far more overweight than Colombians.  Also, our lifestyle leads to this, with all the going out to eat, fast food etc.  In Colombia, most couples/families don't have the money to go out to eat 1/5 as much as couples/families do here.

Another item of discussion was kind of on frequency of sex.  Now let me preface this that it came up because almost all of the ladies have recently had babies.  I was surprised to hear that many of the responses were similar to what an American women would say.  This really surprised me, since my wife has never fallen into that category, nor have I heard this from other men on the boards about their Colombian wives.  But then again, it isn't an item of discussion too often.

I was surprised to hear a lot of what was talked about, and how a lot of it sounded like what I have heard AW talk about.  I am not sure what to make of this, nor am I sure that this has to do with the fact these women are married to Colombian men.

Another thing both my wife and I noticed.  The 2 couples whose houses we have been to, have been very nice considering they have only been in the U.S. for a couple of years.  Now we are younger than all of these couples (I'm 31, my wife is in her late 20's and they are in their mid to late 30's).  But how could they make such progress coming to a new country in such a short time.  We have a nice house, and I am not complaining, but it caused me to scratch my head a little bit.

I want to share this and see what everyone would have to say.  So let the discussion begin.

[LJ]

... in response to Something to think about., posted by LJ on Aug 22, 2001

I didn't want to get into the details of the sex thing.  Here is the jest of it.  They were talking about their pregnancies, 4 of the women including my wife, have recently had babies.  In the conversation one woman said that they did not have sex during their first pregnancy, and in the second one, she was aware that sex was ok.  She told her husband no sex because she was pregnant.  My wife stated that we did have sex, because we both needed it for the intimacy part of our marriage.  Some of the women made some comments about holding out.  The tone of the conversation, with the exception of my wife's comments, just sounded all to familiar to what an AW would say.  I got the impression that I am a lucky guy because of my situation in that regard, but all the couples have been married 5+ years, and we have only been married 2+ years.

On the job front of the couples, most of the men are engineers and such.  I also work in high tech, so I know the salaries such jobs command.  I realize that they probably have more debt than we do, only have one small credit card.  It is just surprising to me is all.  My wife is the only one who works, and we just don't see how they can maintain things on one income.

I just wanted to add a little different slant on things, so people can see things at a different point.  Most of the stuff here is during the beginning phases, the search and all that.  There is so much to all this that the guys who are just looking and going to the agencies just don't realize.  That is such a small part of it all, but must be done.  For those of you still looking, really be careful in your search.  Things can be exciting and happen very fast.  Trust me there is really no rush with this.  Be cautious, and listen to the clues you get, good and bad.  Again if you are 98% sure you have found the right lady, move on because that 2% is a HUGE warning sign.  I have known too many men that are hasty (as have we all), and end up worse off because of a bad decision.

[buzzy]

... in response to Something to think about., posted by LJ on Aug 22, 2001

They have money.   It started in Colombia either as professionals or entrepreneurs.  And don't forget they are probably maxed out on their credit cards and loans for the house, furniture, etc.  The reason for the extra pounds is that they are not really happy, and they've been watching too much cable.  They're hooked on it.  They miss Colombia and its daily life routine, and TV acts as a great substitute.  With the extra pounds and too much boring time on their hands they have lost interest in sex.  They need to turn off the cable, throw out the chocolates, hit the gym, take up golf, or swimming, put a mirror on the ceiling in their bedroom and play romantic latin music. And plan to make 2 visits to mom and dad in Colombia each year to show off their babies.  That's it.

[Pete E]

... in response to Something to think about., posted by LJ on Aug 22, 2001

Colombian couples who immigrate to the US must have something going for them.How did they get here?Are they on a tourist visa?A work visa?Are they diplomats?
The reason for all these questions is a normal Colombian couple can't just immigrate to the US,so you are dealing with couples that are not ordinary.
That said I can only guess at the other aspects from the limited imformation you gave.It sounds like the ladies are copying their gringa neighbors in developing a urge for calories and an aversion to sex.
As far as the house thing goes,they either came here with some money,which is a possibility seeing that they got here at all,they have very good salaries,which is a possibility if they came in on a work visa(must be a proffesional),or perhaps they haven't adjusted their lifestyles to our standard of living and have saved alot of money.
Wild guesses really,you don't give much imformation.
Of all my wifes Colombiana friends in the US only one is married to a Colombian.They live in Washington DC and he is with the Colombian diplomatic office.From what my wife says he sounds like the typical controling domanearing Colombian.

Pete

[Tai]

... in response to Re: Something to think about., posted by Pete E on Aug 22, 2001

Objection Your Honor!

"Typical controling domineering Colombian" That is a stereotype...Prosecution is stating facts not in evidence.

SUSTAINED!  

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Pete, order in the court!, posted by Tai on Aug 22, 2001

I guess I should have left out the word "typical",but the rest was how he was described to me.

Pete

[Viajero]

... in response to Something to think about., posted by LJ on Aug 22, 2001

Yeah, I'd kinda like to know what was said about the frequency of sex, also.

RE: the progress that was made by these recent immigrants - you didn't say what occupations the Colombian men had. Most of the foreign couples I know who have immigrated to our golden shores are professionals of some sort, usually doctors. Thus, as a condition for their visas they have a work agreement through their hospitals or clinics. Let's face it, physicians, scientists and engineers are in big demand and short supply, and these well-trained foreign professionals are quite happy to accept a job offer and bigger paychecks, even if only temporarily. Could this be the case with the couples you mentioned?

[newby Jim]

... in response to Something to think about., posted by LJ on Aug 22, 2001

What about the frequency of sex.. are the women complaining ? The men ? Too little ? Too much ?

[markxport]

... in response to Something to think about., posted by LJ on Aug 22, 2001

Thanks LJ and everyone else that has been sharing their experiences.  I have thoroughly enjoyed the posts in the last couple of weeks.  It's been very interesting reading about Pack's search and Hoda's adventures with his new bride.  

LJ makes a very interest point that we all need to keep in mind.  Genetically, there is very little difference between any of us.  Yes, one is influenced from cultural, social and economic factors experienced while growing up.  However, the younger the wife, the longer she is here, and the more she assimilates into our US society, the more likely she is going to sound like an AW!  lol...This is not a bad thing....lol....  Whether she becomes an AW or remains a Calenas the key to any good relationship is communication.    

Take care and please keep posting experiences.  Mark