packs trip # 12

[pack]

im up and feeling pretty good actually, i call L tell her i'll be over about 11:00 , she wants to know where im staying ,i dont tell her. iv been staying at Ricardos all this time and he hasnt even asked me for payment ..what a guy, today i pay him i also make some calls home then im off to L's.

L her son and myself go to unicentro for lunch then we take in the cine its the opening of planet of the apes and the cine is packed. it was a good movie the boy of course loved it.afterwards we walk around the mall they're having a big holiday sale the place is packed standing room only.

i notice that the boy has on a fairly used pair of tenni shoes in fact they look like the pair he had last year when i was here. i tell him you know what school is starting soon and i think you need a new pair of shoes what do you think? he almost does backflips we find him a nice pair of nike and the kid is happy as can be.

we are about ready to leave for L's house as we are walking towards the cabs a girl walks by that looks very familiar , as we pass by the girl looks at me and smiles, we walk 15 feet and then it hits me , hey thats Ruby...Ruby formerly secretary and translator of Latin Connections. hey Ruby where you goin?! is that you Pack and L , this trip is strting to look like old home week! we stop and talk for about 10 minutes. Ruby was an employee at L C for i guess about a year then she went to work for american airlines , then she married an englishman and moved to the caymon islands, they devorced and she is now back in cali. she said to me i should have never married that englishman...american men are the best, im looking for an american man now. we said our goodbyes and headed for L's house.

so far the day is going good, everyone is relaxed L and the boy are all smiles . i suggest we order in some steak dinners for everyone complete with some corona beers. we are all sitting at the table eating our steaks and beer listening to salsa and having a nice visit. L looks happy and has a twinkle in her eye, we are all feeling very relaxed.

suddenly a scooter drives right up to her door and starts rebbing its engine, some colombian guy is yelling into the door..L come out here now!! i look and i see a man about 6 foot tall maybe 30 plus years old with a very unhappy look on his face. NOW WHAT!!!

[Pete E]

... in response to packs trip # 12, posted by pack on Aug 19, 2001

Pack,
I don't know the details yet,but its obvious that this woman isn't interested in you,and you don't evem have to know why,she is not interested in you!You have got to see this but want to ignore it and here you are buying things for her.As someone stated below this lady is a walking red flag.
I can understand this kind of desperate put up with any nonsense behavior a little here,where depending on the guy it may be her or nothing,but you are in Cali,the available woman capitol of the world,and you are an American,lots of women would be interested in you.I know the story is over and we haven't heard it yet but unless you dump this user  chick you are not going to meet a good woman!
I know you see this in hindsight,didn't you see it at the time?She is a walking red flag and you are a walking example of how not to go about finding a good woman.
I can't understand why your interpreter lady didn't just slap you up side the head.

Pete

[pack]

... in response to Re: packs trip # 12, posted by Pete E on Aug 19, 2001

hmmmm..comments noted. most of the interputers dont want to get involved they just translate. one thing you have to realize pete is that this is not some girl i just met at an agency we have known each other a long time and there is a bond. easy to say hard to do.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: packs trip # 12, posted by pack on Aug 19, 2001

Pack,
I understand,you are hooked,but you have got to be able to see through her.Weren't there any other girls that interested you enough to spend some time with them?Why go all the way to Cali to just continue an old disfunctional relationship?
I was just thinking back to some of the stupid things I did with women,but that was before I discovered the range of choices in Cali.
The worst thing that could happen to you is for this girl to get temporally motivated enough to marry you and take you big time.
I know its easy for someone who is not involved to say.Like my father told me,don't do what I do,do what I say.

Pete

[pack]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: packs trip # 12, posted by Pete E on Aug 19, 2001

well to answer your question..yea there were some girls i met i liked there was P i met at All Colombian , X i met at All Colombian, and a girl i met at L E , and about a thousand i saw at chpi chapa. but L and her boy were different they had a hold on me...know what i mean?

[Sol]

... in response to Re: Re: packs trip # 12, posted by pack on Aug 19, 2001

Pack,

I know exactly what it's like trying to break up from a long-term relationship, in particular a bad one. I lived with a lady (American) for two years, we dated off and on for five years altogether. It took me lots of gut wrenching soul searching and facing lots of emotional pain, including getting help from a counselor, to dump her.

In my opinion, not only are you wasting time with this lady but, by being hooked into her emotionally, you're keeping yourself *emotionally* from connecting with other women who would be much better for you.

I don't mean to be hard on you but I'm struck over and over again by your unwillingness to acknowledge any responsibility on your part for being in this international dating thing for four years and having nothing to show for it.

I do get that you care for this lady and for her son. That's really honorable but there's a huge difference between caring for someone and really loving them and being loved by them. My last long-term relationship was with such a lady. I cared for but didn't really love her. I took care of her out of an old wound that said I only mattered in this world to the extent that I could take care of a needy person. It wasn't until I was willing to be alone, until I got help and dumped this lady, until I learned the difference between love and need and feeling needed that my relationships started getting better.

Good luck to you.

Sol

[pack]

... in response to Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by Sol on Aug 19, 2001

im not sure what you mean four years  and nothing to show for it? i guess it depends on what is is? by nothing to show you mean marriage ..well you are right. but i dont look at it like that. i have met tons of people both gringo and colombian that have become life long friends , i have met a bunch of nice ladies , i have seen a part of the world i would have never seen , L her son and I have had many many happy times together. so i guess it all depends on how you look at it.

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by pack on Aug 20, 2001

I am sure you know what Sol means!! There are many types of relationships healthy and unhealthy comes to mind in this case. We all know how hard it is to let go. we keep rationalizing the behavior of women in the hope that they will change or fall in love with us because we accept their problems and shortcommings. My belief is, if a woman doesn't respect you she can not love you, she can stay and use you but that is not love.
    It is not fun to do the right thing, even when we break a relationship, we will always question if we did the right thing. It is painful but necessary. You cannot establish a relationship with another woman ( even the most perfect woman for you) if you are still emotionally involved in a disfunctional relationship. This woman obviously makes no effort to re-inforce your confidence in the relationship and has not committed to you. Save your money and your self esteem and move on to some one who wants you.  
     Who said we got smarter as we got older. A lot of us here who did not marry the "one" immediately see simularties in our own lives. But it is cheaper than a divorce so count your blessings and move on, the only cure is the love of another woman. jim c

By they way is the six footer Martha Calderone I thought Jesse was going to marry her. Drop me an E at Barristerh@aol.com  JIM C

[jesse]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by jim c on Aug 20, 2001

I STILL MIGHT!!!

we might produce the first afro-colombian in the NFL or NBA!!

[pack]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by jim c on Aug 20, 2001

good advice , thanks. no the her name is not Martha.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by pack on Aug 20, 2001


Hey Pack,  

You sound like a good guy and no doubt someone any Calena would be lucky to have.  It's hard for us to totally understand your four year relationship because we're only hearing bits of pieces and those that relate to your most recent trip.  Nevertheless, from what you yourself have described, you appear to have bonded deeply with this gal in some way but it doesn't appear to be reciprical on her part.  The fact that you've known her for so long makes her behavior even more reprehensible in my opinion.

There's no need to settle for a woman who is disinterested and selfish when there are many Latinas who will treat you like a king.  When you back to Cali in November please consider not seeing this woman as it appears she some kind of hold on you.  The good women that you can meet in Cali will run from you as long as you have another woman on your mind.  Women have a six sense about this and often times a man comes across as needy.  

Anyway, I look forward to having a beer with you in November and would be happy to introduce you to some Calenas that I know.  Take care...

El Diablo

[pack]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by El Diablo on Aug 20, 2001

thanks El Diablo for the comments. you are gonna be in cali in november? yes i would like to have a beer with you . lets do a chpi chapa lenos steak and beer thing!

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: breaking up is hard to d..., posted by pack on Aug 20, 2001

Sounds good, I should be in Cali for a month or two at that time.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by Sol on Aug 19, 2001

nt

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: breaking up is hard to do!, posted by Sol on Aug 19, 2001

nt