curious

[thomas]

I was wondering if any of you married guys are expected by your wife to support or send money back to her family? If so has this caused you any problems? Was it something you discussed and agreed upon ahead of time? Any input appreciated. Thanks

[Pete E]

... in response to curious, posted by thomas on Jul 27, 2001

Thomas,
A few days after my wife agreed to marry me we were talking and it occured to me I was taking one of the 2 people in the family that had a job.Like palm of hand to forhead,what was I thinking.I said do we need to help your mother?She said yes,thank you.She also told me she wanted to get a job to help her family.I told her that her first job would be to learn english so she could get a good job,I would help her with the family in the meantime.We agreed to send them $200 a month.My wife was making $300 before so maybe $200 was going to the family kity.It has been much more haphazard than that,sometimes less,sometimes more.It seems my wife waits until they ask.
We opened a bank account for my wife.She got an ATM visa card,and the lady at the bank who originally said one card per person on the account told us we could also get a regular ATM card,no visa.We gave this one to my mother in law so she can hit the ATM's,good exchange rate,around 2200,no wire fee.
My wifes step father recently lost his job,so now the family has no income,except for a rental property they have,but they pay more in rent for the one they are living in.Our contribution could go from $200 to $500 here.My wife really wants to get a job now to pay for this  but her english is only 50% or so,but we will see what she can get.Its not an emergency,I can afford it.
Also ,her step father worked many years in the nursery business,plants,supplies,flower arrangements.He says he taught his last employer everything he knows and then the guy decided he didn't need him.He thinks he can start a similar business.He is looking for a location now.Hopefully this will work in the current Colombian economy.We will probably wind up backing him for $2000-$5000.There are several unemployed family members and they can all help him,he doesn't need to hire anybody,just put them to work.
If this has a chance of success we will try it.Better to help them get a start than pay $500 a month.We will see.I guess he has little hope of just finding a job.My brother in law is a mechanical engineer and he hasn't worked in years.
Yup,you marry the whole family here.I don't mind.I told my wife her family is now my family too and I won't let bad things happen to them as long as I can do something about it,which I can.They are very good people.I don't feel I am being taken advantage of.I am glad I can help.I don't tell my extended family about this,they might think I was foolish.Whats money for anyway,to leave to someone after you are gone?

Pete

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: curious, posted by Pete E on Jul 27, 2001

"it occured to me I was taking one of the 2 people in the family that had a job.Like palm of hand to forhead,what was I thinking"

EXACTLY CORRECT!!

When you look at it in this light, I think any gringo who is able to help will realize why it is important.  Jobs don't grow on trees down there and the income that is lost when a novia marries and leaves the country.

Nice post Pete.

Mike

[Georgina]

... in response to curious, posted by thomas on Jul 27, 2001

Before I came here, I was very worried about my family economical situation. I worked In Peru and contributed with some money. My husband knew that and he offered to send some money to them but I didn't want for him to take that responsibility so I found a job as soon as I could and started sending them money.

I think many of the women work in their countries and they coontribute to their families and as you know most women still living in their parent's house until they get married or so. When they come here they still worry about their family there and how they are going to do without that portion they were contributing before coming here and they for sure expect for you to help them.

Like some said $100 each month can make a big difference but like HD said it is better if you talk about it before her coming to live here. Although, it will give her some peace if you can help her contributing with some money for her mother or family.

In my case, I didn't want to pay the $40 fee that the banks here require to wire money or through Western Union. What I did was opened another account to my name (didn't want to mix it up with my personal account and I didn't want to open one to my mother's name because it would be more complicated), localized the ATM's cash-machine in the city where my family lives and send by mail the debit card for this account so they can get the money from the ATM Machine. In Peru they charge $2 for every $100. Which is not bad at all. When I get my payment check. I just log on the internet tranfer the money to my other account and tell my mother when she needs to go to get the money from the cash-machine. All done by internet. Since the account is mine I can control it and don't need to ask the bank for anyservice and it is a free checking account so I don't get charge for the transaction.

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: curious, posted by Georgina on Jul 27, 2001

I have done the same thing with my fiance...giving her an ATM card and transferring money online as I needed to.

I think it is the best way, for me at least.

Mike

[Patrick]

... in response to curious, posted by thomas on Jul 27, 2001

My wife's parents are doing okay.  I once offered money to help fix a leaky roof, but they refused.  We did help my mother-in-law out a bit after my father-in-law passed away recently, but it was only a few hundred dollars to see her over until the insurance came through.  I think they're a pretty proud family.  Every situation is different though, just like here in the States.

[cjweir]

... in response to curious, posted by thomas on Jul 27, 2001

well it is very common, but a good way to get around all the difficulties, in wire x-fer, is to setup a account at your local bank solely for the purpose of sending $, get a atm or debit card and send it down, all the service charges are virtually gone

[Houndog]

... in response to curious, posted by thomas on Jul 27, 2001

Yes sending money home is very common. Unless the parents are wealthy. In which case I might have questioned it.

If the wife is very worried about the well being (going hungry) of her family back home, she just might be, how do you say it...'edgey'... to some degree (odds are a HUGE degree).

I send money every month. We had to get an account opened for my wifes mother...big hassle...and the banks want to put a hold on the money for 3 months before releasing funds. So after wiring money to the account, I then had to WU another sum of money for her to deposit/use until the first funds become availible.

If you have no intentions of helping the womans family, it might be wise to let the woman know that in advance. I'm not saying you do or don't . But a surprise like that after the woman is here could easily lead to problems.

HD

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: curious, posted by Houndog on Jul 27, 2001

Yes not only is it wise to discuss the money issues in advance and up front. It is also a good idea to discuss any and every issue you can possibly think of imagine or dream up, up front.

The last thing you will want when starting a new life 'together' is snags, problems or misunderstandings. At least any that could have been avoided.

HD

[El Diablo]

... in response to curious, posted by thomas on Jul 27, 2001

I think most of the couples try to send back something to help the family.  As little as a $100 monthly can go a long way in Colombia. If I were married, I would expect to help my wife's family if they infact needed it, however I'm not talking huge sums but rather a modest amount.

I've never discussed this with my present novia or my ex. I think it is somewhat assumed by the women.  

El Diablo