New Wife and Children Adjusting To The States

[DallasTexas]

I am intested in other people's experience with wives and in my case step-children adjusting to life in the United States.  

(1) What things you did to help with the adjustment

(2) What problems you encountered and how you solved them

(3) General Advice

The biggest problem that I have found so far is the Language problem.  Dallas has Spanish radio and television and most stores we go to have Spanish speaking people.  

My spanish is passable for most social occassions but is terrible when you need to discuss anything indepth.  I am continuing to learn Spanish and my wife and step-daughter are learning English.

There are a surprizing number of Columbians in Dallas.  The one big difference in youths here is that my step-daughter can not understand why I do not want a 15 year old going to a disco until 4 in the morning for dancing with her new friends.

My wife and step-daughter would both like to work but it takes 4 - 6 weeks to get a social security card (which by the way was by far the easiest document to get).  Try adding your new wife to a bank account or getting a state issued ID card with nothing but a Columbian passport with a US Visa! Ha!!!!! Ha!!!!! 2 1/2 hours to convince the bank (and they will not give her a debit/Visa card without a Social Security number) and 4 1/2 hours to get the Texas DPS to issue a state ID card even thou their own documentation states all that is necessary is a valid foreign passport with a US Visa.

Anyway look forward to hearing from other people.

Gene_Webb@msn.com

[JunFan]

... in response to New Wife and Children Adjusting To The S..., posted by DallasTexas on Jul 25, 2001

BTW, if you haven't looked into it yet, Richland College and the other CC's offer very intensive ESL classes here. The only thing that sux about it is I have to pay full out of county rates as she hasn't lived here in Texas for a full year, obviously.  To me, that is the fulcrum of the whole acclimation process.  Once they are liberated from the language issue, it will be off to the races

Mike

[buzzy]

... in response to New Wife and Children Adjusting To The S..., posted by DallasTexas on Jul 25, 2001

I don't mean to be a dark cloud here but I heard that the "E" drug(Ectasy) is being promoted heavily among teens at the all-night dance parties.  Very serious body and brain damage can occur even though they are being told that it's safe, harmless, and fun recreation.  Organized crime is importing it from Europe.

[Jeff S]

... in response to New Wife and Children Adjusting To The S..., posted by DallasTexas on Jul 25, 2001

I found cultural differences more difficult to overcome than language issues. What she expected of me and what I expected of her. The language differences were easily fixed with dictionaries. Funny, it was sometimes a benefit because it defused much of the emotion in arguments with each person riffling through dictionaries. You had to think through what you wanted to say carefully instead of blurting out things that you might regret later. Of course, my wife is not a Latina, but an Asian. It took my wife almost three years before she felt comfortable and confident enough to do almost everything on her own - except shopping, of course. That she picked up right away, LOL. It'll take you a while to figure out what she expects of you, too, on a day by day basis. Having never been married to an AW, and being my first marriage, I'm not sure if this adjustment was because she was foreign or just the usual man/woman adjustments needed for marriage. I found myself incredible busy introducing her to the city and the way of life here in the USA for a couple years.

My stepdaughter adjusted quite easily. After some initial homesickness, she was eager to do all the kid things - the zoo, amusement parks, dressing up for Halloween, etc. She spoke zero English when she arrived, but by the end of the first year was pretty fluent, end of the second, had lost her accent, and a year later was in honors English classes.

Best of luck to you and your new family. The rewards far outweigh the little extra work it takes.

-- Jeff S.

[yc]

... in response to Patience, patience, patience, posted by Jeff S on Jul 25, 2001

Jeff, you are right, LOL.  It would be very funny.  I can imagine what it would look like having two persons ruffle through a dictionary in a frenzy trying to find the right word for what each wanting to express.  After all of that,  both parties would have probably forgotten what it was they were auguing about... (LOL)because the two would be laughing so hard at how funny the scene looked.

An unusual but excellent point of view.

[Diego A.]

... in response to New Wife and Children Adjusting To The S..., posted by DallasTexas on Jul 25, 2001

Hey I'm in Dallas too,  you can email me at kingjames07@nospam.com  One thing I did for a girlfriend
when I applied for a discover card it said other applicant
you they sent the card with her name on it even though she
lived in Caracas Venezuela.  You should
at least be able to get her a credit card for starters.
D.

[Wayne]

... in response to Re: New Wife and Children Adjusting To T..., posted by Diego A. on Jul 25, 2001

Sheesh,

Don't get her a credit card!

Completely control the finances for a while my friend.  You can loosen up control later.

You have to take some precautions so if this goes south, you aren't completely financially ruined.  I know this is negative, but just be careful for a while.

I will never know how much of the cash from my business went to Russia by Western Union when I wasn't looking.  It's not a pretty sight.

Wishing you much happiness,
Wayne

[Houndog]

... in response to New Wife and Children Adjusting To The S..., posted by DallasTexas on Jul 25, 2001

Wow, There have been Soooo many things to do. I think finding things for them to do, during times you're apart is probably the most important(my wife loves Arts & Crafts), seconded by setting up ways for them to contact friends and relatives easily and sorta often. Phone cards or whatever method of choice. Next showing them around so they get a sense of 'their new city/nieghborhood'. Making them feel wanted and needed and empowering them with ownership of their new life, house, cars, pets...everything. Once they accept that 'this' is all theirs also to share it seems to help alot. Of course ESL classes. Then one thing in my case was sending money to the mom. It was a big hassle...get an account opened over there...(by remote control) with restrictions and just general hassles. But once that was finally resolved and LE knew her mother was and would be fine it really helped. Then of course there's all the gadjets to learn how to use. And shopping of course :0.

HD