My Story Part 7

[AustinWife]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 7, posted by denvermike on Jul 19, 2001

xxx

[H2-Oh]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 7, posted by denvermike on Jul 19, 2001

Yea, I remember now. Glad you got rid of that girl you where  with that day. I thought that I did all the right things. I quess from one point of view I did do all the right things, I just had the wrong girl. There's more to the story, so stay tune.

H2-Oh

[Edge]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story Part 7, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 19, 2001

Howard - I am curious and maybe you will answer this in your later installments and I do not want you to take offense with this question.  Were there red flags that you saw and maybe ignored about Johanna?  You spent a considerable amount of time down there with her.  Was she such a good actress?  Apparently some of the other people (like Pete E.) saw things about Johanna that made them wonder about her and maybe you were not seeing the same behavior?

Thanks.

[JimSimon]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 7, posted by denvermike on Jul 19, 2001

Denver Mike,

I am getting married to the lady I met in Cali in December.  Certainly a year or two more will tell better that just six months but she's been here for ten weeks now.

There are as many American men who go to Colombia to party or want to find a subserviant woman who will follow their every order or to select a woman based solely on chest size and beauty.  I feel Colombian women have as much to fear as we do.  

My fiancee is attractive, meticulous about her personal appearance, intelligent, has a great sense of humor and returns my love in every way possible.  She has had my ATM card since February, never made any withdrawals without asking me and never wasted money.  

She is not subserviant, knows what she wants and we are constantly negotiating how we will live our lives.  She has given up her family and culture for me and chosen a life where she will have to learn English.  I appreciate every day how lucky I am.

Lots of men are happily married to Colombians and I definately wouldn't blame Colombians women if things didn't work out for me the first or second time.  

Jim

[JimSimon]

... in response to My Story Part 7, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 19, 2001

Gentlemen,

There are four morals here.

(1)  Your number 1 goal is to find someone you can trust.  One lie answers this question for you and if you don't run the other way, you need to start thinking with the BIG head.

(2)  If you select a woman solely based on beauty, she has met lots of gringos who have wined and dined her.  You're in a battle and your credit card is your only weapon.  This is a best case scenario (the worst case is she is using you and thinking ONLY about your money).  Look for women who have something on the inside of their head and have some values.

(3)  Don't spend a lot of money on a woman early in a relationship unless you have done some introspection and realized that's all you have going for you.  

(4)  Learn Spanish so you can get to know the lady.

There are lots of stories on this board of men being taken but none of them should last seven chapters. Colombia is full of women who want a man who will love only them.  We would all not want a woman who thought only of our money but we are asking for that when all we think about is their face and size of their breasts.  

Jim

[rick13]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 7-the moral, posted by JimSimon on Jul 19, 2001

It seems a lot of pretty foreign young girls are looking at this as a way to finance education or lifestyle. And a lot of AM are more than willing to allow themselves to be used as a sugar daddy in exchange for a young beautiful woman.  Would the red flags have been more noticable if Johanna, or Sandra had been average looking girls?

 Some of these younger women really do not seem unlike AW. Many wanting an education,therefore not having to depend on a man(I cannot say that is wrong though) So they donate a couple of years of their life to a marriage. At times to a man they do not truly love.. Taking advantage to get an education,learn to drive,make friends, get jobs,send money back home,and learn about the U.S.

 If a girl finds true love, she stays . If not, she bails,upgrading to richer or younger, or perhaps just using the education you got to now support yourself and rely on noone. This is called survival. The girls are being taken advantage of by some for their youth and beauty. They in turn use their assets to obtain a better life. It seems the main objective for many is  to get out of their countries when opportunity allow.

 I am so very glad that many on this board are seeing the realities in this whole endeavor. Thank you H2-OH for putting your story out there.Life is risky,and we should take risk.  But always be aware of potential pitfalls. And remember,women are the same everywhere. If you go beyond your league,if you go for youth and forget to look into her heart, you will pay for that shallowness somehow. Not only with money needed to impress,but your heart and ego will take the biggest hit of all.

[yc]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story Part 7-the moral, posted by rick13 on Jul 19, 2001

Rick13, to address the comment... "Many wanting an education, therefore not having to depend on a man(I cannot say that is wrong though)."  You are correct somewhat about nothing being wrong with this goal in life.  The problem comes in when a person begins using other people to obtain this goal.  I believe we are in total agreement that, this is WRONG, no matter how you look at it.  Wanting an education solely for this purpose(of not depending on a man) is a very bad reason(MAJOR RED FLAG!!!) in most cases.  I learned this several years ago when I was dealing with a bad crop of AW.  The reasoning indicate that the woman has a serious intimacy problem with men.  This does not mean these women don't have relationships with men.  I am referring to serious longterm monogamous relationships.  Women(no matter where she is from) with this mode of thinking will mostly likely not be able to have a healthy relationship with a man.

One other thing... Granted, a woman is not suppose to depend on a man in general.  But if that man is her husband, she is suppose to depend on him and him likewise should depend her.  That is what marriage is suppose to be about depending on and helping each other among other things.  That is one of the major problems with American society today.  Independency in a relationship instead of dependency is being stressed.  I am pretty sure some of the happy and successfully married guys on the board can back that up.

Take care!!!

[Houndog]

... in response to Education and dependency on a man..., posted by yc on Jul 20, 2001

Yea I'll back you up on this...you are absolutely correct with the intamacy conclusion. along with some inability to bond and fully 'give' oneself to another thru a commitment. Although lip service may be being paid to 'commitment' somewhere inside the 'caveat' of as long as it's convieniet resides. Therefore one is simply seeking a singular, personal, selfish agenda. This selfish personal agenda errodes at the heart and soul of a relationship...TRUST and LOVE. As the emotional needs of one of the parties is/won't be satisfied over time a disfunctional relationship develops. The beggining of the Death Spiral.

HD

[yc]

... in response to Re: Education and dependency on a man..., posted by Houndog on Jul 20, 2001

n/t

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 7-the moral, posted by JimSimon on Jul 19, 2001

Jim,
I agree,there are alot of really good women availiable in Colombia.The challenge is to find a good one and avoid the others.My theory is you can always tell the really good ones.The questionable ones are alot harder to read and this is where guys get in trouble.With all of these horror stories I would bet that in every case the guy overlooked not just little but big red flags.There are quite a few people that knew Howard and Johanna and had big doubts about Johanna.Howard spent more time with her than anyone,so she must have offered something that caused him to overlook his doubts.I can tell you there were alot of sighs of relief when we found out the wedding was off.

Pete

[DaveyRich1]

... in response to My Story Part 7, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 19, 2001

HOWARD,
ALL THIS IS UNBELIVABLE MAN IT HAS TO BE HARD TO SHARE THIS STORY BUT THANKS IF YOU CAN OPEN JUST ONE PERSONS EYES AND HELP THE REST OF US TO OPEN OUR EYES AND TAKE OUR TIME IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS TO FIND OUT EVERYTHING I JUST ABOUT DID THE SAME THING WITH A GIRL IN CALI 18 YOU FEEL IF YOU DO NOT GET THEM NOW THEY WILL BE GONE WHEN YOU GET BACK FOR THE GUYS ON THE BOARD JOHANNA IS ONE OF THE MOST STUNNING GIRLS IN CALI AND SHE ACTED VERY SWEET AND INNOCENT BE CAREFUL GOOD LUCK HOWARD
                          DAVEY

[buzzy]

... in response to My Story Part 7, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 19, 2001

Boy..you sure don't have to go to the theater to see good acting.  Sure lots of baggage in her life....someone to avoid for sure....unless one has lots of fun money and no care for a quality relationship. Great story.

[Wasp]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 7, posted by buzzy on Jul 19, 2001

I can't quote you exactly, but you feel you did all the right things, just with the wrong woman.

Dude, you need to reevaluate your methods. Have you learned from this experience?

[H2-Oh]

... in response to H2-Oh, posted by Wasp on Jul 19, 2001

Yes I feel I did the right things with regards to Johanna. With another chica I'm sure I would have done things differently.

H2-Oh

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: H2-Oh, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 19, 2001

n/t