Can we Outrun our "Baggage" ??

[Houndog]

The answer is a Resounding "NOOOO"...!

Another post in Our Series of "I'm Not Really As Stupid as I Appear Am I?" has graced our forum.  These latest stories outline how futile it is to try and outrun our baggage.  How many try to escape their emotional and physcological baggage by hopping a plane.  Thinking that running away and trying to hide in foriegn places will change the 'real nature of the issues'.  As has been predicted right here for several years one cannot outrun and/or hide from himself.

In fact quite the opposite appears possible and/or likely. Not only do these stories outline how outrunning ones baggage is immpossible, but that worse results are possible over there than if some had stayed home. When these emotional and physcological wrecks land in points south, there appears to be welcoming committees greeting them.

Instead of a chance to start over, some are only finding same chapter next verse of their own demise. And probably the saddest part of these stories is those involved refuse to see how futile trying to hide from themselves is. They change everything including their underwear to hide from themselves and the real issues of why they fail. And it could happen to any one of us, as has been pointed out by some. Anyone of us that is, that refuse to do "Their Homework" ! For those that "snapped" to the need for serious introspection and the facing and dealing with of our baggage and issues, a safety net is in place. Because when one does a truthful serious honest evaluation of self, all the reasons for making poor choices and settling should come to light. Issues are dealt with, like, "Self Worth", "Self Esteem", "Co-Dependency", "Neediness", "Ego", etc., along with other problems that cause failures, such as "Is My Picker Broken", "Anger", "Bitterness", "Unrealistic Expectations", "UnHealed  Past Wounds", "Intamacy Issues", Abandonment Issues",etc.

Every individual is different however one common thread exists, if one has been in previous relationships that failed then something is wrong, and not with 'them'. Something internal allowed the choosing process or the sustaining process to go haywire somewhere along the line. Those are the issues that unless dealt with will follow one to any destination or country like a second skin. And nothing short of "Doing Ones Homework" can rid one of the spectere of continued failure.

HD

[Pete E]

... in response to Can we Outrun our "Baggage" ??, posted by Houndog on Jul 22, 2001

HD,
Its easy to presume alot of baggage based on the stories we have been told.I presume alot of baggage with "anonymous",but even there I could be wrong ,I don't really know him.
I do no H2-OH quite well and he is alot different guy than alot of you may have presumed.I wouldn't describe him as
"needy" at all,he seems far from it.This is no dumpy looking gringo here,this is a great guy.(maybe he will post some pictures)and he doesn't drink hardly at all,or use drugs.So any of those presumptions are way off.He is impulsive and you become aware right away that he has an attitude about money that is caused by having alot of it.This can get a guy in trouble,as I think it did with he and Johanna.
The impulsive thing,as in marrying Sandra so fast doesn't seem wise but sometimes you need to be in the situation to understand it.As I recall you got engaged pretty fast(3-4days??) when you found your Colombiana.Of course its a risk,but you can be engaged and get to know them or be married and get to know them.For alot of these girls  are not going to come back with you without being married.I know many will do a fiance visa,many will not.In a way it is a little more noble,even if more foolish,to marry the girl before you ask her to take on a huge change in her life.I know this sounds cavalier about marriage but you never really know untill after you are married anyway.
You could also easily make alot of presumptions about Sandra,which would seem logical but would be dead wrong.
I know where this story is going and alot of you guys will find it hard to belive and accept.This is a far more interesting story than "loser gets used"as you may presume and I do also with "anonymous".
I just put H2-OH on a plane for S.Cal and I think he will post the part that really starts getting intersting soon.
Stay tuned,reserve judgement.

Pete

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: There may not be as much baggage as ..., posted by Pete E on Jul 22, 2001

Well Pete, If these stories don't contain any baggage GREAT...That's Wonderful...Really Good News ! And a whole dang bunch of us have been fooled by whats been written. So who should we believe ? You or our lying eyes ?

And we know where the stories going...Prince Charming and Cinderela and the wagon with the money sail off into the sunset, to live happily ever after.

And one more time...Duhh...He's a really good guy Soooo there is NOOOOO WAYYYY a friend of YOURS and a GOOOOOD GUYYYY can have Baggage and Issue's....Yea WE GET IT..!!!

And of course WE know YOU're not in Denial...out of the question.

Now...as far as the women I agree with you. If we want them to commit to us..they expect us to commit to them. And I don't see anything wrong with the rules being the same for both. In fact it seems very fair and normal for this particular venue to BE READY...if and when you are found by or find the one. Yes the rules are somewhat different and time frames compressed in many circumstances. Goes with the territory. Which only goes to heighten the need to Do Ones Homework to keep from being a victim of the own best judgement. And proves the importance of knowing many things in advance such as the difference between a woman that loves you and one that is just using you.

HD

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: There may not be as much baggage..., posted by Houndog on Jul 22, 2001

HD,
Well yes,you could believe me because I have watched this saga unfold,but I will let H2-OH tell you then try to clear up doubts if I can.I guess what I am trying to say is just the imformation given,without knowing the people involved may cause you to draw the wrong conclusions.
My friends,And yes I have some baggage.If you understand the whole story here it isn't as much as you might think.
But hey,I don't want to get ahead of the story teller.

Pete

[FenixRises]

... in response to Can we Outrun our "Baggage" ??, posted by Houndog on Jul 22, 2001

Here are a few points to ponder for all you seekers of dreams.

"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists ... in the loved one, perfection."
-Sidney Poitier

"There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not."
-La Rochefoucauld

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
-Anon.

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
-James Baldwin

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"
-Erich Fromm

"Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion."
-Javan

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."
-Stendhal

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
Anon.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-Lao-Tzu

"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are."
-Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
-Mother Theresa

"The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
-Victor Hugo

Fred

[casinobill]

... in response to Re: Can we Outrun our "Baggage"..., posted by FenixRises on Jul 22, 2001

a whole lot more times

gracias

bill

[FenixRises]

... in response to Outrun our "Baggage" ??  WOW, ..., posted by casinobill on Jul 22, 2001

B

[Sol]

... in response to Can we Outrun our "Baggage" ??, posted by Houndog on Jul 22, 2001

HD,

I agree completely with your post. I've done plenty of my own homework yet when I went to Medellin to meet this first lady I fell into a trance due to her beauty although we did not hit it off as a couple. I even fantasized about trying to work things out with her. It did not take long, however, to wake up from the trance since I've got enough self-awareness to not abuse myself with a relationship that's destined to fail.

This next trip and next lady I'm hoping will be better. The concern I've got with this one, though, is that this chica might be too needy. I'm not sure if it's neediness or infatuation or perhaps a real sincere desire to make her man happy. In any case, I'll have my eyes wide open during my trip and I certainly won't get engaged to her based on a short trip. My plan is six to nine months of knowing any lady before deciding I want to marry her. During my trip I'll need to feel how much of her desire is based on her response to me and how much is her needing to glom onto someone. Yes, I can find an AW who is needy too and if this is the case then I keep looking, with my eyes open even wider.

Can anyone suggest any tests, once I'm over there, that I can use to differentiate neediness from desire to please?

Thanks,
Sol

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: Can we Outrun our "Baggage"..., posted by Sol on Jul 22, 2001

Sol,

For one thing stop 'projecting'. I sense you are projecting onto these women attributes that they may not possess. Like neediness. Until you meet her and evaluate thru her actions, who she really is and what attributes of character she really possess's, then it is 'projecting' your fears onto her. We can 'project' good attributes where they don't really exist also. I have been guilty of this myself. Seeing one thing and justifying them away in order to bring the other person up to the minimum level of acceptance. And until I realized I was 'projecting' my values onto women, I continued to choose women that were  incompatible with me. This was "my" character flaw, not theirs. As soon as I started to stand back and let the real chips fall where they may and assess purely on actions without 'projecting onto them' the tide was turned in my favor to choose correctly. Along with finding a balance between what I need (love) and what I want (arm candy). The age old internal stuggle of Emotinal Needs vs Ego.  

In my case I was able to come to terms with myself. In my case I made the 3 lists..Must Have...Wish to Have...Refuse to Have...and practiced using the lists here...realisticaly this time around, with out 'projecting'. I didn't neccesarily know what I wanted, but I dang sure knew what I didn't want. And I was slowly able to see 'all the red flags' not just the blaringly obvious ones. While none of us are perfect a woman with a dream of a wonderful loving future, instead of a plan to find a gringo is a good place to start in determing where you fit in the picture. Ask yourself...Am I the End or Am I the Means....and then answer that truthfully.

HD