My Story Part 4

[H2-Oh]

Upon arriving in Miami, Sandra and I proceeded to INS for her to be processed. When you come into Miami,INS starts the process for Sandra to receive her Green Card. This takes about 8 to 10 weeks to get and allows her to leave the country and return. No problems with the INS and we boarded a plane for LA. We arrived in LA and got the luggage. I can only imagine the fear in my wife when we arrived in my city at about 1:00AM. The next day we awoke to a heat wave. I live in a city that has temps. over 100 degrees often in the summer. This heat wave was well into the 105 to 110 range for many weeks to come. I know she thought I brought her to hell. I started to realize that sandra was not very affectionate. She never touched me. Never held my hand or gave me a kiss on the cheek, the usually things you might expect with someone that you just said you would spend the rest of your life with. Life was difficult to say the least. I spoke with Bud almost daily and he encouraged me to be patient with Sandra and she would come around. Adrianna also spoke with Sandra and told her to try and enjoy our time together. I tried everyday to come home from work early and go to the gym or take her to someplace special. I introduced her to hispanic friends that spoke Spanish, since my spanish at the time was about 50%.
So I tried to think off most everything that would make her feel more comfortable. It didn't work. She would have her good days and her bad weeks. Then the secret phone calls started to come. First it was from her sisters ex-boyfriend calling Sandra in the states!!
I didn't believe that for a minute. Was it Sandra's old boyfriend or someone else.Then after 7 weeks I had had enough!! She still wasn't talking to me, not touching me but sex was a different thing. Once I got her into bed she was different with the lights out. It was almost as if someone could see her with the lights on but with the lights off she was free. Weird. I didn't understand what was going on. So on June 25th I put her on a plane back to Cali. We both cried like babies at the airport. I told her to go back to Cali and decide if she wanted to be my wife or not. I would wait 30 days for her answer. When she got on the plane I knew in my heart I would never see her again. I went home and cried for 3 days. This was someone I had decided that I would spend the rest of my life with only to lose her after 7 weeks in the states. What now. I spoke to her mother everyday and we cried together. I knew in my heart that on the night of the 25th of June, my wife would be sleeping with her old boyfriend in Cali, Colombia.Pacino came to Ca.to help start to heal my broken heart. He was a big help, thanks Pacino. Then Bud and Adrianna came to Las Vegas where Bud and I had rented a house boat so that the 4 of us could spend 5 days at Lake Mead jetskiing, hiking and playing. So I went as the third wheel for the trip and had a good time with my friends. By this time 3 weeks had gone by and I had not heard a word from Sandra. I had lost her. I thought I had better find a lawyer and start the divorce process. So I started calling to Cali and asking friends to find a few nice girls that I could meet. I decided that I would go back to Cali around the first of Aug. and get " back on the horse". I needed to put this chapter of my life behind me. what had I learned?? Take things slow, get to know the girl, and speak better spanish. Take my time with whoever I was with. So on Aug 3 I headed back to Cali with new hopes and a few new scares.
I met a few chicas inthe first couple of days but none that I wanted to see again till I met Johanna. Johanna had a beautiful smile and pretty green eyes.
Next Johanna

[El Diablo]

... in response to My Story Part 4, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 15, 2001

I think it's a mistake to jump back into another relationship too quickly.  I think we are ill prepared emotionally and we end up making some of the very same mistakes that we had made before.  

A little R&R can be a good thing.

El Diablo

[H2-Oh]

... in response to My Story Part 4, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 15, 2001

Well said. Much good advice. Please continue to read my story.
H2-Oh

[buzzy]

... in response to My Story Part 4, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 15, 2001

Great story, keep it coming.  I'd still like to hear more about Sandra.  She must have been a beauty.  I related to your comment, "I put her on a plane back to Cali."  Reminds me when I put C on a plane back to Lima.  She refused to return as scheduled.  Her visa had expired but she was having fun at my expense.  Mostly I was worried about her safety.  She went out every night all night long and returned in the morning.  She held me hostage.  She held all the cards. She threatened to call the police and claim domestic violence if I interferred.  She had a new lover and was totally happy.  I was worried sick.  I pleaded with her to return to her parents.    Her response was always..."when I'm ready to leave I'll leave." The worry I experienced was wearing me ragged.  I was responsible for her.  What could I say to her parents if something happened to her?  Finally she said she was returning to Lima. I felt relief.  I went to the airport alone.   Her lover dropped her off.  C and I saw each other in the terminal but said nothing.  When she boarded that plane I said, "Whew!....thank you Lord....Amen!"

[muddslinger]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 4, posted by buzzy on Jul 15, 2001

was shs here on a k1 visa?  if so, its only good for 90 days. if you dont get married, and she stays after the 90- days, she can get into some serious trouble. as long as you dont marry her, she couldnt do a thing to you. even if she called the police and claimed abouse, she would have to show proof, and since you are not married,the INS would not let her stay. now if you did get married, and she claimed abuse, even without proof, you are screwed!!!!! the INS  will let her stay, and at your  expense!!!!  that little afidavite of support you sign comes into play. make sure you know the girl before  you make that BIG jump imto marriage. hope this helps

[pack]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 4, posted by buzzy on Jul 15, 2001

interesting stories i wonder if this happens more often than we hear ? i have a friend right now going through the same problems as you mentioned buzzy. his calena wife goes out every night and parties, she doesnt work , he is paying for everything,he doesnt know what to do and is very worried. he keeps making suggestions to her like go live with your sister or other relatives but she wont budge, he feels trapped.

[DallasSteve]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story Part 4, posted by pack on Jul 15, 2001

Please be careful with these scare stories.  Are you an attorney?  I am not, but I have read other posts that say claims of physical abuse require some evidence.  Common sense says that neither a court nor the INS are going to believe her without some evidence.  They both understand the ulterior motives here.  She has a lot to lose in this as well.  Filing a false police report is no small matter.  It can complicate her life enormously.

My wife is reading these posts and she can confirm this story.  My wife has tried to go out late at night without me.  Here's the picture.  She's young, she's beautiful, she likes to dance, she can make a lot of money here, she has her green card now.  She doesn't need me anymore.  

She said "Kelly's husband let's her go out dancing alone, why can't I?"  I said, "If you want to go out late at night without me, pack your bags."  She said "I'm leaving."  I said "Adios."  She said "On second thought, I'll stay."  Why?  She says she loves me.  I treat her very well.  That has to count for something.  If you are physically abusing your woman, then you have reason to be afraid.  

Bottom line is I'm not going to roll over and play dead.  I'd rather be alone than be treated like what I'm reading about these other men.  Don't let these women walk all over you.  If they don't want to have a real, loving marriage with you it is better to let them go.  Be brave.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My Story Part 4, posted by DallasSteve on Jul 16, 2001

Steve,
Has your wife got past her 2 year interview to become a permanent resident?You have to file for this change of status.If not if you split she is supposed to be deported.I'm not sure how diligent the INS is about doing this,but if there was a divorce and the INS knew where she was I think they would deport her.She needs to remember she is only here because of you.If the marriage has problems you might want to think twice about making her permanent.You could be on the hook for support for along time.
If she wants to go out dancing late without you let her do it back in Colombia.

Pete

[H2-Oh]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story Part 4, posted by pack on Jul 15, 2001

I think this is becoming an all to familiar story. As I continue I will explain why us as gringos get caught in this web, like a spider traps a fly. Some guys just don't know what hit them when these rotten things happen.

H2-Oh

[DaveyRich1]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My Story Part 4, posted by H2-Oh on Jul 15, 2001

HOWARD,
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE I HAD NEVER HEARD ABOUT SANDRA MAN YOU HAVE TO HAVE A MILLION THINGS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR HEAD I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING ABOUT JOHANNA SHE WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL YET VERY YOUNG A LOT OF GRINGOS GET TO THE AGENCIES AND THEY GO STRAIGHT FOR THE 18 YEAR OLD BOOKS I AM THE WORST AT THIS EVERYONE SAYS THEY ARE MORE MATURE THAN AW I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR INSIGHT ON THIS AND IF ANY ONE ELSE HAS TRIED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A YOUNG GIRL UNDER 21 I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR STORY AGAIN HANG IN THEIR I KNOW YOU ARE A GOOD GUY EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT LOOK FORWARD TO PART 5