A lot has been written on this board about how long is the proper time to know your fiancee (or better, how much is too little time), what cities have more atractive women etc. I would like to add my dos pesos worth here.
I met my fiancee in Cali in December and we will be married in about three weeks. I had gone to Costa Rica the past year two times and basically wasted the year but the lessons learned were worth the wasted time. Here is my list in essentially sequetial order.
1. Learn some Spanish ( lot is better)
--I know ten times more about my fiancee that other men do because I am fluent in Spanish.
--She may have children and will definately have friends, You may want to understand this part of her life.
--You'll understand the challenges of learning English for her.
--You'll be able to help her by understanding things that work exactly the same in both languages (prog pres Estoy hablando, I am working) and totally different (Three years ago, hace tres anos).
--You will be a part of a unique and special culture, HER WORLD.
--It will seperate you from the ugly Americans who come down to Colombia with no appreciation of anything, women, language or culture
2. Choose a location
There are lots of right answers to this question. I have only been to Cali but I am certain there are loads of suitable women in all areas of Colombia. First trip I'd pick an agency (preferably pay as you go which gives you flexibility and it cost effective). Make contact with the owner for advise on how to best use his services. Ask tough questions before you choose.
The owner suggested I contact his lead employee which was great advise. Colombian are much more loyal to acquaintences that we are in the US and if the girls at the agency like you and respect your sincerity, they will be happy to set up appointments with people. All the ladies will ask what you are like and they may be diplomatic but they won't lie to their friends.
Also bring small gifts for the ladies at the agency (a $3 gift is all you need).
3. Take stock
What are your strengths and weaknesses? What do you have to offer a lady? What does she have to offer you? What are you looking for when you go through the catelogue.
4. Selection process
If you select only beauty queens, they will have met lots of gringos and their first impression will be how much you spend on them. Try to not use the face as the only detail although their profiles provide little usefull information. Remember, these are glamour shots made to acentualte the positive.
I asked the girls who worked at the agency if they knew someone I was looking at in the books and what she was like. Again speaking Spanish was essential both in getting help from the girls and in giving the ladies a reason to meet me (it made up for not being rich).
5. Interview
No matter what questions or how many you ask, you are two goals.
A. Ask questions that will eliminate some people--What are your non-negotiables. I've had a vasectomy so not wanting children was essential trait I needed in a woman. Religion, physically active or sedentary. Ask for specifics, not opinions or everything sounds the same. The are believe in fidelity, working hard, love, truth not being jealous (that is you not being jealous, they are allowed to be jealous).
B. La Quimica (chemistry) This is what it is all about. Do they smile, make eye contact, what happens if you touch their arm. Can you laugh? I knew within thirty minutes that my fiancee was really special. Her radiance and enthousiasm can fill a room.
6. Time frame
There is no perfect time frame but you do need to establish several things. One is how you will deal with differences as a couple and they second, for me, if how she will handle the US.
I am lucky since my fiancee has a tourist visa and has been here ten weeks in two trips. Most Colombiana value their family ties much more than American properity. I can't imagine not going through this part of the process but if your novia wants to get married in Colombia this might not be an option.
7. Beware
We all want to be loved but if things seem too good to be true, they probably are. It took my fiancee lots longer to be sure that I was. She is leaving home, family, culture and if this is an easy decision for, you need to ask why.
I am engaged to the most enchanting woman I have ever met. She lights up a room with her smile. We have a lot of challenges (and expenses) but I can tell you, I have met someone I will work everyday to make happy. Six months doesn't make a lifetime but I feel we've had a good starta nd I wish each of you the same success.
Jim
