culture shock - is it real???

[cc]

This post is in part "inspired" by Howards troubles with Ayesa. I know the Philippines are VERY different from America. Yes, there are many things to adept to when moving from one Country to another but I wonder whether this so-called "culture-shock" isn't being used as a "cheap excuse" in many cases (I am NOT referring to Ayesa here, I simply don't know enough about her or Howard to make any kind of judgement). For example when we travel to the Philippines, we are "shocked" by the differences, but it doesn't make us crawl into bed and spend days or weeks in the hotel room.

I myself am from Europe. When I move to the US 15 years ago, it wasn't easy. I wasn't fluent with the language, I was "on my own" for the first time of my life and missed my family and friends. But I never got into a severe depression mode. There are so many new things to explore!!!!

So my question is mostly for the Filipinas "who made it": yes, it's not easy, yes, you miss your family and friends - but isn't it also EXCITING to explore a new Country, to learn many new things and to be with your loved one???!!!

[humabdos]

... in response to culture shock - is it real???, posted by cc on Apr 2, 2001

As tneil would say Its Real ;-P

[Bear]

... in response to culture shock - is it real???, posted by cc on Apr 2, 2001

Everyone is different.  I think you are trying to generalize things.   The reasons people do things vary tremendously like old saying of putting 10 people in a room and they'll give you 11 opinions of the color of it and none will be yours.

I think the only thing I'd generalize from the guys on this board is that they want a married life and they believe/did believe that a Filipina would be they best oopportunity for that event.

I think we've seen over the last few days / weeks / months / years that we really do not know why Filipinas are coming here.  Some obviously want independence and wealth, some a safe married life, some a carrer, most love (of what?) and others different things.  Some will see it as an adventure, exciting, others might feel safer hiding in the house all day.

I'd say culture shock is real and your question too general.

Bear

[Carrisse]

... in response to Different Strokes for Different Fokes, posted by Bear on Apr 2, 2001

I want all of what you have mentioned:

Independence and wealth:  I've always been independent and wealth--well, let's just say there is more opportunity here in that regard if you're hardworking.

Safe and happy married life:  Got that!

Career:  Have that too.

You forgot to mention Disneyland, the Superman ride and Bugs Bunny.

[don2222]

... in response to culture shock - is it real???, posted by cc on Apr 2, 2001

I asked Vilma if she is experiencing culture shock, and she says she is not.  Everything is different, but she says she is able to adjust herself to the differences, and that she is with me
Of course she has only been in America for three weeks, but I think it really helps that she moved out of her parents home four years ago.  When Vilma was 18 she moved with a friend to Cebu to work and go to college.
I think the fact that she did not go straight from daddy to Don is helping to make  the adjustment easier for her.
Also, we were together for 8 months in Cebu before she came here, and I tried to explain some of the many differences.
My family has also been a great help.  As I was typing this Vilma told me to mention that my family is very supportive of us, and that the adjustment would be  more difficult
without my families help.
Everything being new and different is very fun for both of us.  Even a trip to Wal-Mart is exciting, because it is new and different for Vilma, and I really enjoy sharing her excitement.
So, I am glad this question was mentioned on the board.
I had assumed that Vilma is more homesick than she apparently is.  
Vilma might become more homesick in the future, and I will be there for her.  But, so far, so good!

Don

[cc]

... in response to Good question !, posted by don2222 on Apr 2, 2001

You see, this is my experience too: I myself became more homesick after a year or two, when the novelty of living in the US had worn off and I began to realize that not everything is "just great and wonderful"....

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Good question !, posted by cc on Apr 3, 2001

Hi cc

The same thing happened to me when I moved to Florida from Michigan, at the age of 12. Whether it is culture shock or homesickness for Filipinas, I tend to think it is more of the later. Probably coupled with the disappointment that things are not "perfect," as expected.

Sometimes I harp on the negatives about the US with my fiancee. I want her prepared. After years of watching "perfect" American movies, I want her to realize that we have our problems here also. Some the same, some different. I have always been sad to see people move to another city or country, in an attempt to escape life's problems. It never works! You can't run away from yourself.

Dave H.

[kevin]

... in response to culture shock - is it real???, posted by cc on Apr 2, 2001

Frankly, I think it depends whether the "asawa" is truely the loved one or not.  If the marriage was primarily for the sake of getting a taste of what America was like, and nothing more, of course the asawa is going to be miserable, especially once reality hits.  In such a scenario, after all, she did not truly love the man, but was merely overwhelmed with the glamour of being able to tell the folks back home (the Philippines) that she went to America, because she "fell in love with an American", and life seems so great, at least at first.  You've got to remember that in America, a minimum wage job is pretty much skid-row for subsistance.  Hence welfare (with Medicare) was a more attractive alternative for many poor Americans than a minimum wage job.  But take a transplant from a country like the Philippines.  Her first job in America might be a minimum wage job.  She earns her first paycheck at 5+ per hour.  She sends the proceeds of her first paycheck back to the Philippines.  Everybody (in her circle in the Philippines) thinks that she's "rich" because even a measly $5 (less than 1 hour's minimum wage pay) can be stretched a relatively long way in the Philippines.  Some transplanted Filipinas might feel like "hot shots".  Others might not, and be more open-minded to reality, regardless of formal education level.

Well, I've got to say this.  If the relationship was not based on love from Day 1, reality hits.  Once reality hits, she is very miserable.  She soon discovers that $100+ per week will not buy the $400 dress at Ann Taylor's that she so feels she's entitled to.  Her husband pays the bills (mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc.), but she could give a darn less and not even care.  After all it was her husbands responsibility to bring her to this country, and now he's "depriving" her.

Such a disgruntled transplant for marital purposes might use the alibi that she's "homesick".  Perhaps to a degree that's true.  But perhaps she expects to go back to the Philippines and deliver all those phantom "goodies" that she thought she might have been able to show off.  But the bottom line is that, in such a case, marriage was not for love, but for, at the very least, to get a taste of America.  Once America is not what it is cracked up to be, she's hopelessly miserable.  Homnesicknessness is an easy alibi.  But when she announces that she wants a divorce, guarenteed she is not willing to return to the Philippines, but she demands to stay in the United States at your perpetual expense.  So much for the so-called "homesickness".

The moral to the story, all relationships between a man and a woman encounter hard times as well as the "rosy" times.  The core love is what keeps relationships together through the hard times.  If the foundation of a relationship is anything other than love, it's bound to collapse when the going gets rough.  It's the core love that both a man and a woman feel for each other that helps them make it through the "not-so-rosy" times.

- Kevin

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: culture shock - is it real???, posted by kevin on Apr 2, 2001

Kevin maybe our wives are related?  Was your wife from Siquijor too by chance?      Ps please send the Bart Simson fart joke you made. Humabdos

[Pete]

... in response to Re: Re: culture shock - is it real??? VE..., posted by humabdos on Apr 3, 2001

My fiancee says Siquijor is where all the sorcerors live...=0...spooooky

[Jim H]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: culture shock - is it real??..., posted by Pete on Apr 3, 2001

Sally won't let me go to Samar because she says _that_ is where the sorcerers are! LOL!

Jim

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Re: culture shock - is it real??? VE..., posted by humabdos on Apr 3, 2001

My ex did have some Ilocano in her, but she was not from Siquijor.  In Philippine terms, she could be considered a "mixed breed" ethnically.  She also did have a tinge of Caucasian Spanish blood in her too.

- Kevin