Sit down fella's bad news first....
RELAX, me & Stivalis are still together! Here's how the drama unfolds....
Early thurday morning, I tell Stivalis it isn't necessary for her to accompany me to the airport since she has to report to work early. She calls a cab and away I go. Cali streets are naked this time of the morning, so my driver is flying. Get to the airport in one piece without incident. Standing in the American Airlines line, waiting & waiting, while it inches forward. Now it's hot as hell when I finally get to the counter. I pay my gringo tax & head to the immigration door. A feel a tugging at my bag & I turn around quite rapidly (natural response) & notice a Policeman pulling on it. Another one approaches & request my passport. I hand it over & as he's flipping through it, he notices, that I've made a number of trips back & forth.
I tell him, I've been visiting my novia. He replies, "why are you sweating?" I had on my jacket as I was walking fast to the gate, carrying my bags & gifts, the temp was 80 plus, is this guy being funny or stupid? I replied that it is hot & I'm wearing my jacket. He didn't buy it. So now Dick Tracy wants me to follow him upstairs to the police office. Inside the office, four other officers suround me & request that I hold out my hands. I complied, and the tallest one said that I looked a little nervous. Fella's, I wasn't shaking like a crackhead, but d*mn! You got four or five police with one hand their 9mm, I think, I have the right to be alittle nervous. They ask me about my Stivalis, where does she live, blah blah blah. My profession, more blah blah. You'll never guess what happens next.....
The tallest gets about four inches from my face. I take a step back letting him know "politely" that it wasn't necessary for him to jump in my face. He apologized, and said that since I made soo many trips back & forth to Cali, that I might be concealing DRUGS IN MY STOMACH!!!! I maintain my kool, trying not to act a fool! Big man, said that I would have to be x-rayed at the hospital. EASY DAVIS EASY. What about my flight SIR? He promised that me & the others would be back in time. The others were "Brown & Dark" skinned spanish speaking males. It gets better...
Mister Davis, it will be necessary for you, to pay for the x-ray. EXCUSA MI? Sir the cost is only 15000 peso's. Fine sir, can we get this done so I can catch my flight please? I was told, I could leave my bags. Yeah right! Remember that little hair trick that James Bond did to his door, so he could be tipped off, if someone is or was in his hotel room? I did something similar to my bags, JUST IN CASE!
Me, 2 cops, & three other men squeeze into the typical size Cali car. Nice of them to allow me to sit in the front seat. Y'all know, I hotter than 2 muthaf****'s now! The cops & the other guys are making small talk. You like salsa & merengue? Can you dance to it? Better than you partner! What is your profession the other cop request while flipping through my passport. I work with computers sir. OH that is how you are able to make soooo many trips here? How much do you make a month? PROBALY WHAT YOU MAKE IN FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS!!!!! It get's even better...
We arrive at the hospital, proceed to the x-ray area. DON'T YOU EVER COMPLAIN ABOUT AN AMERICAN HOSPITAL EVER! The other examinee's sit down while I stand. They start to joke between themselves about my height & size. One cop, about 5'6" was going through some boxing motions like he could knock out big guys. The other's found this quite funny. He turned to me said, that he could probaly do it to me...Enough of this B.S! I told him to keep dreaming in spanish, more laughter from the crowd. He said c'mon man, throwing his hands up. I knew he was playing, so I replied while patting my hip (indicating his gun) that I was very "LOCO, NOT ESTUPIDO". Everybody is rolling on the floor now. He shakes my hand & said that he was only playing.
It get's even better...I gonna break this up into 2 parts.
Hoda
