I can't forbid her from having Filipino friends...

[Howard]

...even if I thought it was a good idea, she already has them.  Wouldn't she look at my decision as a punishment?

I see where you guys are coming from and you seem to echo what I had already figured our myself and wanted reassurance on, that I need to take more responsibility for her, rather than letting her be independent.  Well that's not exactly right...  Try this, if she has to be dependent on someone, it's better that she's dependent on me

Does that make sense?

I'd like to here as much as the ladies have to offer!

Thank you all!

More later,

H

[Ray]

... in response to I can't forbid her from having Filipino ..., posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

Howard,

On the topic of other Filipina friends: cc gave you some great advice. To take it a little farther, make DARN sure you know her friends. Invite them over or whatever you have to do, but get involved enough to know who her friends are and what they are like. If you find that any are a bad influence on your wife, what Jay calls the “Stateside Commandos”, get rid of them, FAST! This situation is serious and calls for all-out immediate warfare. If you need some tips on how to get rid of bad friends, e-mail me.

On the other hand, positive friends are a good thing and should be encouraged.

Ray

ray_snyder@nospam.com

[cc]

... in response to I can't forbid her from having Filipino ..., posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

You are right of course, you cannot and should not "forbid" her Filipino friends - but try to spend as much time with Ayesa as possible. If she meets her Filipino friends, make sure you two go as a couple. If she doesn't want you around when she visits her friends, then you are in real trouble!!! Best wishes!!!

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: I can't forbid her from having Filip..., posted by cc on Apr 1, 2001

I feel the same. If she does not want you to meet her friends you are in big trouble. The friend my wife was hiding was her new boy friend! I am not saying  that this is what she may be up to in your case. Got that Fl? ;-)  Humabdos

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Re: I can't forbid her from having F..., posted by humabdos on Apr 1, 2001

I remember that experience all to well.  I never want to repeat it for the rest of my life.

At first, my ex didn't seem to care to have any Pinay friends, with but a couple exceptions. The ones that I felt comfortable with in their company, whom I thought would be good friends to socialize with (eat, play games, watch movies, etc.) she considered boring.  She only seemed to want to associate with those that she could openly talk about sex with (I don't mean dirty jokes, I mean our personal lives), or those that she could more-or-less boss around.

The twist came after 2.5 years.  Suddenly she complained all the time about having no friends.  Then she made both Pinay and Kana friends.  Of course she didn't want me as part of her company.  She even went so far as to plan a big birthday party at our place, have all of her newfound friends over (possibly even her boyfriend), but did not want me around.  Of course though, the expense of the bash would have been my burden.  Plans changed for that event anyway.  She was treated by her friends outside the home that day while I did my Christmas shopping, anxiously walking on egg-shells, and afraid I'd by unsatisfactory presents for her.  The presents were inevitably junk anyway, but I only added the cost to the growing credit card debt, and tried to choose carefully at a reasonable price.

- Kevin

[Dave H]

... in response to I can't forbid her from having Filipino ..., posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

Howard,

It sounds like a good start. But, I think that you are going to have to be firmer than you are used to with AWs or that you want to be, at times. I really think that you will have to tell her what you expect from her and what you will not accept. This is not something that I personally like to do, but rather something that I have had to learn to do.

I am only a former Latina man, so I had better let the Filipinas, Filipinos, and Fil/Am married couples advise you.

Patience bro! My heart is with you!

Dave H.

[outwest]

... in response to I can't forbid her from having Filipino ..., posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

Not intending to say a man should or should not allow
his wife to do certain things.

It was intended to define the words "take charge" and
to explain that this was not necessarily easy to pin
down. Also i was trying to say if a man trys to do that,
it can cause a big conflict depending on what area he
tries to "take charge" of. Who is to say the man has that
much power, I think a "take charge" attitude has to be
tempered with much understanding and love, and communication.

One question i have to you is,,,,,,How was Ayesa and your communication on the phone before you met, if you did
talk to her on the phone, and how was it the first few
months when she arrived.

How much do you share in common, such as wat do you like
to do outside the home, do you share the same music,
food, movies, interest, Maybe she is bored, Do you go
to the mountains, go fishing , go to concerts, etc,
Just curious.