take charge man

[outwest]

One of the ladies post in response to howard's situation, said
that Howard just needed to "take charge", since filipinas are used
to that, in the way they are raised.
   I am curious to the filipinas on the board if they agree with
that statement, and also , if you do agree, what is a "take charge
man" to you?
   
1)if the man wants to have sex and the woman is not in the mood
should the woman just give in to him?

2)if the man wants to just come home, lay on the couch, and drink
beer,(he is in charge, remember?) Should the woman just say, "ok
Honey,?, want me to run to the store and get some more Budweiser'?

3)If the man does not like the woman having any friends, and he
does not her having contact with her family either, should the woman
just say..."ok honey, you are in charge, whatever makes you happy?"

Do you see what I am getting at here, What exacty is the line that
cant be crossed from a "take charge man" and a controlling, abusive
man, I am not trying to be smart aleck, or silly, I am very serious.

[Jose Velarde]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001


I,  for a change prefer my relationship to be more of a partnership than ownership,  so I do mind her having her own job (she is a CPA in one of the big five), having her own friends (girls night out), her own car and her own credit card (we are both paying for it). I believe the most effective lock you have got on a person is love…

Though  I do have  a lock on the refrigerator…

[cc]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

No to all 3. At least that's not what I imagine a marriage between two people to be like (having never been married myself....)

[Bear]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

In the post I made below "My Opinion" not a single word was typed without discussing it with Honey.  So if you want her point of viw you got it.  When she read it she said I was a wonderful loving man and very kind for posting it.  Yes she reads PL everyday but doesn't post because of the "Foolish Girl" episode.  She thinks she hurt me by her post and her family amonished her for it, particularly her mother.  Her family "controlled" her then, I'd rather say "guided" but so many of you like the vulgar "woman-lib" terminology so I'll use it to.

There has not been a single weeks for 4-5 months that she hasn't told me at least once she expects me to be "in charge".  I do not think this means as a "slave master" or some "controlling" a**hole.  She wants the controls she grew up with in her home country.  She constantly talks about when we will move back there (one of my promises to her).

One of the reasons we love them so much is they are responsible, mature women who are ready and prepared to marry and make a family.  They clearly desire the obligations and responsibilities there.  Then we take them to a strange place, give them wealth, pocessions, and money, no respomnsiblities, security, allow them complete freedom, laws written by liberals to destroy families and allow women to steal the labor of men.  Then we say to them, "You decide. You are Independent."  

When did they every ask for that?  Who on the Planet is independent?  We are all very, very dependent on others.  I have never done a single thing in my whole life without help, guidance, response, assistance, approval, encouragement, or whatever from someone else.  Hey, I even came here to get help when my marriage failed and I needed guidance on how to find a Filipina which I saw as my best hope at happiness.  I'll be the first to say that I am very very dependent on my wife and I tell her so daily.  I tell her how much I love her and need her and appreciate her.

MOF, I think it is a humongous mistake to let them work, especially in the first few years, because it is an overwhelming freedom with lots of money involved and "all kinds of 'liberated' American women telling them how men controlling them is bad" (which is just the opposite of what they grew up learning).  Then when you do have to take charge they have the response " so-n-so said you would say/do that".  Guess what you have then.  You have lost because now she is "dependant" on someone elses point of view rather than yours.

They want love, family, security and some "direction" in their lives.   At home Mom, Dad, every brother, sister, aunt, uncle and elder in the neighborhood would be on them like flys on flypaper from the moment their man made a mistake, blaming them, not him.  I know. I personally observed it in my "PDA faux pax".  They see obedience to their man and taking care of him "as he needs" (read requires/demands/asks) as their obligation and it is constantly re-inforced my the culture they grew up in.

1) She will sumbit to your sexual request or demands if thats the way you denote it.  

2) She will begrudgingly let you be a bum but I think you will have either a nag for a wife from that point on or one who will turn on you as so many have pointed to here.

3) She expects you to help her choose her friends but not "force" yours on her.

If you say "NO!" she will honor your decision.  She might get quiet for a few day on you but she will obey.  And it won't destroy your marriage like it would an American wife.  MOF, many of us are seeing now that not saying "NO!" will destroy your marriage a heck of a lot quicker.

Bear

[Carrisse]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

Answers:

1) Sure, its part of the marital due.  He should likewise do the same if the wife is in the mood. (PS. The "I have a headache" stuff is old.  I now use the "I think I'm getting a cold.  Want to share it?")

2) Why not?  If he wants to have a beer belly and look unattractive while his Pinay wife retains her Miss Universe figure--go ahead.

3) Sure, he can do this too if he wants his butt get kicked.

Taking charge means not to be controlling and abusive but one who makes the important decisions when it comes to the betterment of his household.  Decisions that are well-thought out and considerate, that will benefit not only himself but his wife and children alike.

Outwest, you asked if I have a sister. I do but she's married. I have nieces but they are still teenagers so you may have to wait awhile.

[outwest]

... in response to The take charge man, posted by Carrisse on Mar 31, 2001

An abusive man, a controlling man, would think that
the wife having no friends and isolating her from her
family, etc, is "for the good of the family". in his
warped mind, he will think every thing he does is right
and correct, and he will try to every means necessary to
convince the woman that SHE is being selfish, not HIM,
and if she only listens to his demands and criticisms, and
does what he says, and does not make him mad, then everything will be ok.
          Nonetheless, this whole discussion is very informative and thanks Carisse, for a filipinas point of view, As to your younger siblings, i dont think i am that patient to wait,,,,Lol

[nealtl]

... in response to The take charge man, posted by Carrisse on Mar 31, 2001

Not bad,i think you have a spot on this board anytime you wish,i have been reading you posts for some time but have not been able to respond because i have been in PL purgatory
A little about myself so you will no,i am married to a Asian women (is that little enough)
tneal

[Dave H]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

Outwest,

I have seen the kind of take charge man that you are referring to. There are some in my ex-wife's (Latin) and a few in my own family. Whether they are happy marriages at home, who knows? I will say that they are all still married after many years.

I am a laid back easy going kind of guy. I do not like to take advantage of others around me. What I am referring to in my case, is a man that is responsible and the head of the household. A man that does his part and takes care of the needs of his family. A man that is willing to make decisions for the good of the family, not self interest. Not a man that is lazy or abusive. I am not sure of a Filipino definition of a "take charge man."

I have learned an interesting thing about the word "macho." In the Philippines it seems to be a good word to describe a man. In the US and among Latins it often has a bad connotation.

Dave H.

[DrDoogie]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

n/t

[Bear]

... in response to Hehehe... Boy, it's gonna be fun reading..., posted by DrDoogie on Mar 31, 2001

nt

[DrDoogie]

... in response to Why not post ur own opinion instead of &..., posted by Bear on Mar 31, 2001

N/T

[nealtl]

... in response to take charge man, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

Outwest
I am not one of the women but here is what i think

1.I allways have sex eaven if i am not in the mood and she is

2.no the women should not run out and get him a bud it should be coors

3.Well on this one ANY man who does not allow his wife contact with family and friends should be shot on sight and a bounty paid on his head or other parts of his body

tneal

[kevin]

... in response to Re: take charge man, posted by nealtl on Mar 31, 2001

Personally, I think there will be times when one is in the mood for sex while the other isn't.  The husband might be reading an interesting book.  Or perhaps the wife might have had a rough day at work and is tired.  But, if both parties to the couple truly love and care for each other, I think it's rather easy for the one not in the mood for sex to get in the mood.

- Kevin

[outwest]

... in response to Re: take charge man, posted by nealtl on Mar 31, 2001

Hey tneal, where the heck have you been Bro, Missed ya
.

[nealtl]

... in response to hey, posted by outwest on Mar 31, 2001

Patrick
Had me in cyber hell
tneal