No trip report.

[shadow]

After much consideration, I have decided not to do a complete trip report. Instead I will publish a very breif summary of my findings on this trip.  There are a couple of reasons for this decision. First one being time. It would take me days to complete a full report, and posting one or two paragraphs at a time would fill up this entire board for the duration. Second, there is much about this trip and the things leading up to it that I simply do not want to relive. Third,  the uneducated, overeducated idiots, and the ignorant would be very quick to condemn me for certain aspects of things because it doesn't fit into their realm of things, and they are simply not open minded enough to understand my perspective. I'm sure we'll hear from them anyway.  
It must first be understood that I really had no intention of trying to bring another filipina to the US in the near future. This obsession with filipinas has cost me dearly. It has cost me among many other things my job, my business, my home, my vehicles, my credit, my friends, and ultimately, my Mothers life. My goal was to move over there, or somehow contrive to spend most of my time over there for the next several years. I'm still working on this, although it is not looking promising at this point.

[cc]

... in response to No trip report., posted by shadow on Mar 27, 2001

Too bad - I find controversial or contrary opinions many times more helpful than those that confirm my my own prejudices/obsessions! How about a "short report"?

[Lori]

... in response to No trip report., posted by shadow on Mar 27, 2001

You quoted this:  

"It has cost me among many other things my job, my business, my home, my vehicles, my credit, my friends, and ultimately, my Mothers life. "

Can you go into more detail about this?? If it is too painful, or I am being too nosey, just tell me to get lost.

[shadow]

... in response to question for you Shadow, posted by Lori on Mar 27, 2001

A large portion of my story is posted on the old maganak board. Go to mag anak site, hit link to web forum, around oct 2 is when everything started falling apart. There is much that isn't here, feel free to email me.  
shadow@the-philippineislands.com
Larry.

[Jay]

... in response to No trip report., posted by shadow on Mar 27, 2001

Hi Larry,

I understand your first 2 point's, but don't know about the 3rd one. Why let bonehead's discourage you from posting thing's as you see it. That's what I want to hear, good or bad. Just your impression, unsanitized. Go for it.

So far, so good, however, bit of advice, don't judge a girl by her sister.
My sister-in law's, theres 4, used to be 5, one passd away 2 yrs. ago., are ALL everybodies worst nightmare. True gold-digger's. If I had judged my wife on this, we wouldn't be together today.

Jay

[cc]

... in response to Re: No trip report., posted by Jay on Mar 27, 2001

How do you deal with that? Doesn't your wife wants to "help" her sisters or has she come around seeing them as gold-diggers as you have?

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Re: No trip report., posted by cc on Mar 27, 2001

Cc,

Criselda has her own opinion and it doesn’t exactly agree with mine. Yet she does know that the way they live these day’s isn’t something to be proud of. Their not hooker’s. It’s a long story and I don’t want to spill anymore in-law family buisiness (I shouldn’t have said anything).

As far as helping those left behind in the RP, we send my mother-in- law $100 every month.  She lives in the province, with my brother in law and his family. That’s all we can afford. They all eat and live a LITTLE better with that. That’s 5 people. The other 5 sister’s and 24 nieces and nephew’s all live in Angeles. We simply couldn’t afford to pay for everybody.  My wifes’ sister’s still are mad at her for picking a forigner with no real money.

Our policy for this situation is this; We help the kid’s , if we can. Most of them are taken care of. Now most of them are coming of age. Two of my nephew’s are graduating in May. Their Mom said they want to become sailor’s by going to a maritime college. I said I would pay for it personally. I will. I have an open invitation to all my nephew’s, that if they will go in the Philippine Armed Forces for two year’s, we’ll pay for a college education. So far, NONE have taken me up on it. The ones old enough are afraid of dying in Mindanao.  LOL!

A college education in the Philippines is cheaper than here, so if I have to work some overtime to pay for a couple of them, I will, but ther is no way for us to pay for all. Most of the clan recives money from my brother in law in Austria, who was marred to my now deceased sister in law. So I am fortunate that I don’t HAVE to pay for all the kid’s because I couldn’t at this time. As for the adult’s, they can take care of themselves. They always’s have. Oh yes, and we are about to buy my mother in law a cell phone. LOL! Really.

My wife has explained to her family about the U.S. and how what may sound like a lot of money there is not a lot here because of the cost of living. Only my mother in law and brother in law seem to understand or even believe it.

As far as my own feeling’s, they are best summed up saying that I will help any of  the kid’s if I can, and that they have not adopted the values of their parent’s, which is to live on hand out’s given through other’s.
If that sound’s harsh , then I’m sorry. Put it to you this way...I wouldn't wan't anyone on this board to run into one of these ladies. There are 80 million Filipino’s, a lot of them just as poor and very few get by on forigner hand-out’s.  Not everybody with a Filipina wife can support her whole family, if it is a large one. I know I can’t. So my personal feeling’s toward’s anyones lifestyle doesn’t even really matter anyway. My wife loves her sister’s, but has already explained a long time ago that we are just working people. Honesty is the best policy. Can’t support all.

Hope this answer makes sense.

Jay

 

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: No trip report., posted by Jay on Mar 27, 2001

you feed him for a day.  You teach a man to fish, you feed him for life.

I think this principle should apply as well as sending money to folks in the Philippines.  All too often, I see Kano men grossly taken advantage of (especiaaly if the wife is not by his side but colloding with her folks).  Sometimes it's the Pinay women here too, the ones that are loyal to the Kano husbands first, working in America, that get taken advantage of as well.

I think it's a bad idea to send money as a purpose of living on handouts.  There is no such thing as Santa Claus in America or anywhere.  There is no such thing as a free lunch.  On this note, one group's feast is somebody else's loss.

In my opinion, money should be set aside and sent for constructive, productive purposes.  It can be sent for an emergency, to pay for a college education, or as capital for a business.  On this premise, financial aid enables more self-sufficiency.  In a sense, you're giving a man the tools to fish, or "teaching" him to fish.

- Kevin

[Dave H]

... in response to You give a man a fish . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 27, 2001

She'll cook the head and eat the eyeballs. I think I am getting sick 8-Q

Dave H.

[Jay]

... in response to You give a man a fish . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 27, 2001

Hi kevin,

Thank's. That's pretty much  my point. I forgot to say in my post that for a medical emergency that we would do whatever we could, for whoever needed it. When it comes to that, then disagreeing with a family member's lifestyle becomes irrelavent.

Thank's for the e-mail, I'm sorry I haven't replied yet, but I will later tonight. I have a few e-mail's to write and since I'm off tommorow, it's now or wait another week.
If I wait that long, then my replies become irrelavent.

Jay

[cc]

... in response to Re: You give a man a fish . . ., posted by Jay on Mar 27, 2001

Thanks for your very frank comments - I think this is something everyone of us who considers marrying a Filipina must take into good consideration!

[Lori]

... in response to Re: No trip report., posted by Jay on Mar 27, 2001

I know from experience. I have been living in my older sisters shadow for years. Although we grew up in the same house, we are totally differant people with differant values.

[humabdos]

... in response to No trip report., posted by shadow on Mar 27, 2001

Larry,  If you need work and have some construction exp I could use some help. I am getting swamped up here and its hard to find good help.  What kind of company did you have there?  Humabdos