filipinas, family members, and $

[senge]

[This message has been edited by senge]

Hello everyone.  I don't post here often, but i read the threads almost daily.  Currently, i'm in need of a few answers.  so i'll be posting questions for you all here from time to time.  thanks in advance for any advice.

I'm actively pursuing both latin and filipina women.  I've been leaning towards filipinas for a variety of reasons.

however, it seems that every filipina girl i've corresponded with implies that i must be a benefactor for their family members, to some extent.  i really don't want to have to bother with sponsoring their mothers/fathers/siblings for US immigration, nor do i feel it is fair for  my future wife to ask me to send money back home to support her siblings going to college, or her retired parents, or whatever.

have i just been encountering low-level scammers or are these monetary obligations mandatory requirements for interacting with filipinas?

[Mita]

... in response to filipinas, family members, and $, posted by senge on Aug 31, 2003

Find someone else who is not looking for a source of income for the family. You'll find one.
Find a woman who knows what it means to earn her own living and help her family herself, someone older (mid-30's) who has a sense of responsibility and will appreciate the love and affection you can give.  Single Filipinas in their mid-30s are not rare and are not necessarily ugly.  I wouldn't call myself ugly and I'm now 40 and will always say I'm very glad I waited for the right man to come along.
We're the smarter ones (or so I want to think) who stayed away from marriage for practical reasons - like a head on our shoulders and unwillingness to support a lazy husband. )
My husband knew I was supporting my eldery parents and helping out my siblings.  I never obligated him to help but he promised my parents' maid's salary cause I was the only one(out of 6 girls) at home when I left more than 2 years ago.  I'm working here in the US and still help my family financially when it's needed and send the obligatory balikbayan box every year for Christmas.
If you meet women who asks money even before you've met them or are engaged to them - drop them fast, they're not worth your time.  

[senge]

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

thank you, mita, for your insights and advice.

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

You are describing Imelda to a T, and all of her friends as well!

EXCEPT- do you mind if I send you something in private? It's pretty (or not pretty) complex, and I AM loathe to lay it on you.

[Mita]

... in response to Hi, Mita. , posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

Sure...send it on.

[Bear]

... in response to Re: filipinas, family members, and $, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

We have found it was cheaper to send Christmas cards with money in them rather than send a balibayan box.  How do you justify sending the balikbayan box when things are so much cheaper there?

Bear and Honey

[Mita]

... in response to Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

I have nephews and nieces whom I've always spoiled. My favorite niece is now 9 years old and we chat every weekend when she can go online.  You should see how much she has learned to navigate the shopping sites - even Ebay now.  She'll cut and paste all the links in our chats.
Then there are medical supplies my diabetic mother needs that are more expensive in the Philippines.  I actually spent more for my family, especially the kids, when I was still home.  
For my sister with the no-good husband I do spend money every Christmas and enrolment time so she can have a decent Christmas and pay for her kids' tuition.  I have 2 other sisters here in the US and we all don't have kids of our own so it's easier for us to help out this sister.

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Mita, a question, posted by Mita on Aug 31, 2003

I usually send each of the kids a $20 or a $10 depending on their age.  The adults I send a $50.  We were going to send a balikbayan box but our research proved that everything we were going to send was cheaper to purchase there plus the wasted cost of shipping and the chances you take sending packages that the stuff would actually get there.  We decided it was cheaper to just send money, let everyone purchase what they wanted the most and report to us what it was.  No one has ever asked for anything in particular (other than a cell phone of course).  Marissa wanted me to send my old microwave and some old clothes but they could buy all brand new stuff for what it would cost for me to send it to them.

Bear

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Oh come on Bear! If you researched Christmas you’d probably find out that Santa Clause is a fake too (LOL). Sending a balikbayan box really has nothing to do with saving money or determining on which side of the ocean you can buy an item cheaper. I think Mita described it perfectly. It’s a labor of love and it’s really the thought that counts. Just the fact that you went to all the trouble and expense to put the box together and ship it 7,000 miles means more than you could imagine, at least in my wife’s family it does. Getting a bill in a Christmas card is boring and just wouldn’t be the same as opening that big box.

My wife told me that a can of corned beef that came all the way across the Pacific Ocean in a big box from loved ones in America just tasted much better than the one you got across the street from the sari-sari store. I know that you can buy corned beef or Vienna Sausages cheaper over there, but all the Filipinos I know send those items anyway. Used clothing in good condition is very much appreciated, especially if it has a label that says “Made in USA”.

We like to send things that they have never seen or tasted before to make an adventure out of it. I’ll throw in some chili con carne, B&M Brick Oven Baked Beans or Taco Bell Refried Beans so they can experience farts that they’ve only dreamed about until now. Brod loves that canned pink salmon and sis just loves those Betty Crocker cake mixes and frostings. Of course there’s always chocolate and candy for everyone, and in the Philippines they actually love canned Spam.

We always try to include a mystery item that they have likely never seen before so they can try to guess what it is used for. There is a prize enclosed for the one that guesses correctly. We had the whole family stumped for almost a month a couple of years ago with a package of corn skewers; the little handles that look like corn ears. Her niece would text the latest guesses at all hours of the day and night and the wife would text back “sorry, try again... LOL”. They couldn’t sleep at night trying to figure out what those things were. They asked all their neighbors and friends and nobody could come up with the right answer. Finally, her brother was in Cebu on business for a few days, so he went to the mall and looked in all the stores to see if he could find it. He found an identical pack in the SM Supermarket and then sent his “guess” that he said he figured out using sound engineering principles (he’s an engineer). He later confessed because he felt guilty (ROFLMAO!). Fun like that is priceless!

Ray

[Bear]

... in response to Balikbayan Box Fun, posted by Ray on Sep 1, 2003

One of the biggest problems according to Honey is when we send balikbayan boxes all the neighbors come over and claim things in the box, particularly their landlord.  If they refuse to give out the stuff in the BB then it causes problems with the neighbors and landlord.  

Honey assures me that they are just excited to be able to have the money and think about what they will get to buy with it.  Her youngest 2 brothers both bought trucks, big ones, last year.  I was going to send them each a train set. She says that they had been asking her mother for those trucks for months.

Bear and Honey

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Balikbayan Box Fun, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Maybe you should send the landlord and neighbors a separate box-one with a big bomb in it (ROFL!)

Ray

[Nathan]

... in response to Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

[This message has been edited by Nathan]


  I don't know where you are exactly, but I sent my last box from Portland
via LBC delivered to the door in Cagyan De Oro for $65. It  weighed over 100 lbs. There may very well be an LBC agent in your area.

Nathan

[Ray]

... in response to Shipping LBC, posted by Nathan on Sep 1, 2003

That's a great rate Nathan. We just sent a box to Surigao via LBC last month for $75. Before Christmas I think it was $85.

There seems to be a lot more competition now for shippers and some of the promos are getting pretty good. Some are shipping anywhere in the PI for $50, some will deliver a free sack of rice if you ship two boxes at one time, and LBC ships the 6th box for free. Some even take a photo of the family with the box at delivery time that they will mail to you later so you’ll know it got there safely.

Ray

[Nathan]

... in response to $65?, posted by Ray on Sep 1, 2003

Ray-

  Yes, that was $65 from Portland OR to Cagayan De Oro delivered to the front door. It was a special, but one that had been running for some time.

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Re: Mita, a question, posted by Bear on Sep 1, 2003

Bear,
Do you send money inserted in your Christmas card?  I find Philippine mail very unreliable.  My sister sent us a package via USPS once and inserted a $100 bill - we never got the package.
When I was in the Philippines, I made a big production out of our Christmas.  I'd have all the gifts wrapped under the tree and even recycle corporate gifts I got that year so we'd have more gifts for the kids.  My Christmases as a child were very mundane so doing this really made me feel good, especially when I saw the sparkle in the kids' eyes.
There's an added thrill for the family to get together and open this huge balikbayan box now.  We used to say "Amoy Amerika" when we opened pasalubong boxes from rich relatives who traveled when I was a kid and I want my nieces to get that same thrill.
I'm also a very good shopper and look out for half off deals on stuff they consider "designer" goods back home.  I space out my shopping throughout the year, waiting for the best bargains, and have my balikabayan box sitting in our guest bedroom for half the year.  I'm notorious at the Philippine store for being very late in sending my box - like 6 months (or more) after I get the box.
For me, it's more than the dollars and cents of sending the box.  I'll work an extra weekend to get that box on its way.  I have to admit I had second thoughts about the costs but I do send the box every year "pikit-mata" after  I consider how the recipients would feel when that big box from America got to their door.  
The best reward for doign all this happened this year. My 9-year old niece told me she was getting a balikbayan box ready to send to me and David.  She insisted I tell her what I wanted and even asked to speak to my husband and kept saying "Is that all you want?"
Sometimes, it's the thought that counts the most.