Oh-oh. What's between courting and betrothal?

[HaroldC]

Poor Harold is confused again.

He has discovered that he is in some undefined state between courtier and betrothed.

I just had occassion to speak on the phone with the eldest brother (What is male equivalent of Ate?). Afterwards, I asked Imelda what he thought of my coming to court her- "Courting? But you are already my boyfriend!" (I had previously formally requested and been granted said status.)

I explained that in my culture courting leads to engagement (or not) leads to marriage, with nothing between- this is apparently incomprehensible and, quite possibly, simple-minded.

The best I could get for explanation is the we are now 'sweethearts'. (I would have thought that a kiss a least would have been prerequisite- but what do I know.)

Comments appreciated.

And, oh yeah, perhaps I should find out if there is something in addition to the birds and the bees I should know about, as well.

[Carr]

... in response to Oh-oh. What's between courting and betro..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

Courting is when a boy visits a girl in her home for the purpose of winning her heart (as well as her family's approval especially the Dad or older brother).  And depending on the girl, this courting could take weeks or months.  Her 'Yes' to his question 'Do you love me too?' or 'Can I be your boyfriend?' means that you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

Engagement in the Philippines is much like here in the US.  The only difference is the guy will bring his family (and they will bring food and drinks) to ask her family (the Dad particularly or the Mom or the oldest brother or sister) for her hand in marriage.  Her family's blessing means that you are betrothed and are in fact planning to get married in the future.  Both family will talk about the wedding and will keep in touch to plan the details.

In your case, your phone calls, emails, chats were considered by your girl as courtship in itself.  So in her eyes you are boyfriend and girlfriend.  But she also knows that she is not engaged with you yet (and I know that she is hoping to be when you guys meet in person).  If she understands relationships at all, she must also know that this can end and maybe open to that possibility.  Hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

As for the birds and the beast and everything in between....welllllll, most Filipinas may be virgins but it doesn't mean that we are innocent of what goes on in the bedroom.  It just means that she is inexperienced with the encounter.  She may look to you as the teacher which also means you have the absolute control of the act like what tneal implied.  Buy the kamasutra book LOL!  And have fun..haha

[Esiang]

... in response to Oh-oh. What's between courting and betro..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

He..he..Courtship(panliligaw) in the Phils. is the process wherein a Guy pursuit for the Lady's sweet word of Yes as we are Yes,Boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without the commitment of Marriage.
In the modern times it's the dating process before a relationship takes place...or it's nothing at all .....lol

(What is male equivalent of Ate?). Kuya......
But please don't call her Kuya (Kuya) if your older than him.......

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Oh-oh. What's between courting and b..., posted by Esiang on Aug 31, 2003

It sounds like between "Yes,Boyfriend/girlfriend relationship" and "commitment of Marriage", there is not necessarily a distinct, formal proposal/betrothal phase. Oops.

This jibes, sort of, with her response to my chivalrous assertion that one reason I would never propose marriage over the phone before we met was that then she would feel obligated to go through with it when we did- "Why would I, if it wasn't right?"

OK. So how is an impending marriage called off if there is no betrothal to retract? (A purely intellectual exercise, I assure you.) I must be stuck thinking in terms of Anglo-Saxon promise as contract. I suspect in Filipino culture it involves delivering bad news through a third party. Like, as she says has happened, the boyfriend being spotted with another belle on his arm.

Sheesh. No wonder Filipinas appear to be in a rush to tie the knot. I hope my skittish fellow seekers are paying attention here.

[Dave H]

... in response to Hmm. Let me get this straight ..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

Hi Harold,

I found this webpage which helps to clarify the "bugaron" discussion we had below. Although this was written about Latinos and the aids crisis, it offers a better insight into the Latino sexual mind-set, which seems to have been brought to the Philippines by the Spanish. This is the reason I don't hang out in Miami! LOL

http://www.socqrl.niu.edu/forest/SOCI454/TheWhiteCloudx.html

Dave H.

[HaroldC]

... in response to Speaking of "Straight" ..., posted by Dave H on Aug 31, 2003

"Discussion"? OK, if you say so. And, yes, I read the article. Are you doing a thesis?

I offer no citations, but I believe such behavior is more common in human history than not. The human males' libido is poised to screw anything that moves (or not- see Portnoy's Complaint- now there's a citation for you. Oh, well, many people detest liver anyway).

AIDS must be a growing nightmare in the Philippines as well, but at least it's one aspect of the situation there I shouldn't have to deal with- although I may speak too soon. There are two single, unemployed with no prospects in either regard brothers. Sigh.

[Dave H]

... in response to Gee, thanks, Dave. RMERR (Rolling my eye..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

Hi Harold,

No thesis...I'm just trying to remain a "virgin" in South Florida. =8oO I would have to agree that it was a rather one-sided discussion that I tried to "suck" you and Ray into. ;o)))

Dave H.

[Bear]

... in response to Oh-oh. What's between courting and betro..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

Yeah, the good girls don't know how to kiss and you are expected to teach them.  Guess what else you are expected to teach them!

Bear and Honey

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Oh-oh. What's between courting and b..., posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

 How to swim??

[nealt]

... in response to Re: Oh-oh. What's between courting and b..., posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

thats the fun part and it is your way EVERY TIME
tneal

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Re: Oh-oh. What's between courting a..., posted by nealt on Aug 31, 2003

nt

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Oh-oh. What's between courting and b..., posted by Bear on Aug 31, 2003

nt

[nealt]

... in response to Well, she says I have to teach her how t..., posted by HaroldC on Aug 31, 2003

don't buy the rice let her go to asian market let her pick it out if you do it will be wrong
tneal