... in response to FDA Warning, posted by Bear on Sep 11, 2003WARNING LABELS ON PRODUCTS
Due to lawsuits the following warnings are now required:
- On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
-On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
-On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as a substitute for human companionship.
-On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
-On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.
-On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.
-On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.
-On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.
-On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
-On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
-On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.
-On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.
-On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
-On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.
-On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.
-On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.
-On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.
-On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.
-On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting.
-On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only.
-On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
-On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
SOME OF THE FOLLOWING MAY BE REPEATS.....THEY ARE NEW ENTRIES I JUST RECEIVED.....NO TIME TO CHECK !!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
*On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
* Some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
* On Nytol (a sleep aid): Warning: May cause drowsiness.
* On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
* On Sainsbury's Peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
