Wedding Plan Review

[Peter Lee]

Hi All,
Yes I have some basic wedding plans I would like you to review and correct If you find problems or mistakes please let me know.  I have written what I think is correct from past posts and my interpretation from past information and personally being there.    
Maricel my fiancée and I will meet in Cebu Around July 12th.  I will have a 54 day visa till Sep 04 03.  I will need to take along my naturalization certificate. The U.S. Consulate will usually want one and the Philippine Local Civil Registrar will want one. If I show them the original and present them with a copy, I was told will usually accept the copy.
I will mosey over to the US Consulate and get that Affidavit of Legal Capacity to marry.  I will take my Naturalization certificate and passport to the U.S. Consulate in Cebu City and apply for an Affidavit of Legal Capacity. The U.S. Consulate in Cebu City last time I was there in January required that the fiancée be with me and must have a photo ID with her.  She used her school ID, this time can she use her NBI clearance?
Maricel already has the NSO birth certificate and NBI police clearance.
After obtaining the Affidavit of Legal Capacity, I plan to go to the office of the Local Civil Registrar in Cebu City and apply for a marriage license..  I remember seeing it down town on my bike but I am not to sure exactly where it is.  I am sure if I tell the cab driver he should know.  Having the exact address would be helpful.
They will require my Naturalization certificate, and the Affidavit of Legal Capacity. Usually they will accept Xerox copies of the Naturalization papers; I will be able to show them the real documents if they ask me.  Because her age is under 21, Philippine law will require that she will need a certified copy of permission from her parents to marry.  I have the certified copy from her parents but it will be dated from January 03 and wonder if it has to be redone, as the papers will be 6 months or older?
After the Marriage License is applied for, it must be posted in a public place by the Local Civil Registrar for 10 working days. After that time, they can issue the license.  Aug the 5th will mark our 8th Month of knowing each other and the date for our marriage would be around Aug the 7th 03. That will be about a week after the license will be issued.  This way I will not be in a hurry to get the license.
I understand upon receipt of our license, we may marry anywhere in the Philippines immediately, by anyone legally permitted to conduct the ceremony.  We plan on just the civil ceremony.
After the marriage ceremony, I will be required to sign several copies of the Marriage Certificate.  I understand to make sure to read it over carefully and assure myself that her and my information and spellings are correct. At least one copy of the Certificate will go to the Local Civil Registrar’s office to be recorded and filed as the original. They in turn should notify the National Statistics Office of the marriage information so that you can get a NSO issued copy for the Visa Interview later.  I should also have the Local Civil Registrar issue a copy with their seal on it for filing my visa petition. I will be filing a K3 visa petition, and will need two  copies from the Civil Registrar.
Maricel just wants a civil wedding.  I have offered her a regular white church wedding but as of now that is what she wants.  I am still not sure why there could be many reasons or just that she wants a simple civil wedding.  I am willing to adapt and change to a church wedding if I can talk her into it.  If everything is as it is now I would just have a civil wedding.
We talked about a honeymoon in Palawan or play it by ear with what was suggested before on taking busses to different places.
She can't swim and I plan to teach her how to swim and snorkel in the hotel swimming pool.  She is excited on learning to swim because she also knows I go sailing on my small sail boat and she has to swim before she can go with me.  She wants to come to the hotel room in the days while we wait for our marriage license, and stay over night as she trusts me and we agreed not to monkey around till the wedding night lol.  It is another way for us to get to know each other before the marriage.  I have taken some extra G325A with me for her to sign as the ones she signed before was in her maiden name.  Because we are married in the Philippines, I understand that she must sign at least two G-325A biographic forms in her married name. I will make sure each page of the form is signed (either comes through the carbon sufficiently or signed individually).
I will work on her married name passport before I leave.  But I don’t know too much about that now.   I also will take all the snail mail with its original envelope, email and chats she sent me and print it out to give her for her future interview.  This is for her to be able to show in her interview that we met in Jan 03 courted in January 03 and continued the courtship by phone, snail mail, email and chats then visited again in July 03 and continued to court and finally married in Cebu in Aug 03 a total of 8 months.   Maricel has already chatted with my sister for hours and my Sister was impressed with her maturity and attitude.  She has also chatted for a few hours on phone cards I provided with a Filipina married here in Daytona Beach for 3 years.  They chatted for hours in Bisaya, the Filipina did mention that Maricel was embarrassed to tell me that she felt jealous of me talking to other girls and that she felt that she did not have much to offer except love as she was not as well educated to get a good job but she would adapt to be more useful in time.  I did ask her what a green card was and she said that in one of the seminars for passports she was told it was required for her to work in the US.  I am so far very in love with her.  It seems that she is in love with me.  I understand the risks and am willing to take them.  It is a little over 3 weeks to go till we meet after 6 months of separation.

To wrap up what to bring back:
To file combination spousal and K3 visa petitions, I must bring back two Certificates of Marriage issued by the Local Civil Registrar with their seal.
At least 3 visa photos per M-378 specification
One completed G-325A Draft form
2 each  G-325A signed by her with her new married name.
I have one other form that worries me.  I have a certified copy of my legal name change in 1980 from Peter Vladomire Konstants to Peter Lee.  This will be more that 6 months old and I am not sure who would want to see it.  My Naturalization papers will say Peter Vladomire Konstants and my passport will say Peter Lee.  To make sure I will update the certified copy of the court name change.  Again I am not sure of who will want to see it or get copies of it.  
Thank you Peter Lee

I know that some out there disapprove of our relationship because of the age difference.  It was to be expected.  Nonetheless we are going through with it, the rest will be history.  For the rest, thanks for the support.  Peter Lee

[Lori]

... in response to Wedding Plan Review, posted by Peter Lee on Jun 17, 2003

Hi, you don't know me, but I'll give you my $.02 of advise, even though I know no matter what I say will affect your choice. Whatever comes up, whatever signs you see you have already set the wheels in motion.

My advise: Make sure this is HER choice, not her families. Make sure she is marrying you because she love YOU, not because she loves her family. I think this happens alot and the signs can be very obscure.

Thats all-good luck!

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Wedding Plan Review, posted by Lori on Jun 18, 2003


Thanks Lori,

I have read some of your posts and wish I would have known you  earlier.   About it being her or her family decision, well she lives with her Aunt and is the Cinderella of the family.   The aunt once we got to know each other didn't push the issue of her and me courting.  Aunty said that if i was to court her niece that i was no longer alowed to sleep over as before.   Her mom came down from Mindanao to check me out and was not happy at first.   Once she got to know me she lightened up and I was accepted.   The 20 days I courted her she was always working or chaperoned by the Mom or the Aunt.   I wanted to give the Mom a present and was advised not to by the Aunt.  It would seem that could be looked at by outsiders as buying favor with the Mom.  The Aunt has a husband who is an Engineer on a ship.  So every one seems to be better off then most.  All the kids have cell phones and the Aunt has 2 jeepneys running.   In the 6 months of separation and continued email courtship i have not been ask for Money except in her last few months of Collage which i agreed to do.  We email and chat alot so i do send some money to her for that.   If not for me she would be working now but is on hold till i get there in July.  Her birthday is in the 1st week of July, do you have any suggestions on what i should give as a present?  She will be 20 years old and has chatted for long periods with my sister.   We have some Filipinas married to men here in Daytona and i have purchased phone cards so they could chat in Bisaya together.  All seem ok and we are in a classical love relationship together.   I know about the family presure these girls can get into.  I have not seen that happen with us yet.  I was the one who was doing all the courtship and dating.  It has taken a long time to win her over but there is more time yet for us to know each other before we get married.  I am set to marry in Aug by then i should know more than i know now.   Thanks for the advice and i will check it out again.  Bye Lori

[greg]

... in response to Wedding Plan Review, posted by Peter Lee on Jun 17, 2003

on Latin board under thread Bogota #5 by Domiguin. Makes  good sense. "The Pros and Cons why an older Guy with a huge age difference shouldn't marry a much younger trophy wife". What can she offer us older farts?? Love isn't Enough, takes more than Love to make any marriage work. A Guy can later get tired of waking up to a beautiful face that gives him nothing but headaches, grief especially at his old age.  At our age, I would think that a fart would seek a woman that can help take care of him into his old age.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Hi Peter, Read "The Age difference ..., posted by greg on Jun 18, 2003

Greg, would like to check out Bogota #5 by Domiguin  but need more direction on how to find it.  When I look up archieves it has no Bogota #5.  Do I need a date and time in the Latin Forum?   How do it find it?
On Latin board under thread Bogota #5 by Domiguin.

Well Greg I want to see the pros and cons but since I can’t see them I will comment till I do.  

I am sure this has been debated many times.  In the end it is the individual circumstances that make it possible or not.   Any comments here are directed to those who have a deep and tolerant understanding.  Those who are bigoted to large age differences will never agree to what I am doing no matter what I write.    

I will never see this girl as a trophy wife; she will not be shown off to anyone.  I lead a quiet personal life style.   This sounds degrading and the heading “Trophy wife” begs the question and is bias.  It should read “The Pros and Cons why an older Guy with a huge age difference shouldn't marry a much younger wife".   Trophy wives can be arranged at any age difference.  It is how I feel about her day to day.   It is how we interact with a lifetime commitment.

What can she offer us older farts??  The same as an older gal, only she has innocents, she is still in the age of romance.   She offers you the fact that she needs you, she has loyalty and dedication.  Love isn’t enough? Well it is a good start, and whatever makes a marriage work has not proved to be an exclusive with older women because they divorce just the same.  

A Guy can later get tired of waking up to a beautiful face that gives him nothing but headaches, grief especially at his old age.  Well sure there are headaches, and that is also at any age.  The older they are the bigger the headaches.   So headaches are exciting sometimes and eventually alas they stop and then that is the sign of the relationship being over.   Latin board members pride themselves on how their wives make problems to keep the relationship active.  

I have been in South East Asia for most my life.  Any women I was with were always younger.   I lead an active life style that most women close to my age would not tolerate.  I teach Tae Bo classes to women to keep them in shape and have opportunity to be friends with many.   Who will bike ride with me all day and keep up with my classes?   After a while they have enough, my sailboat has plants growing on it and I will end up like a potted plant.    I have not had many relationships; the ones I did have were younger in the mid 20’s and most had the women’s liberation attitude.  That’s it in a nut shell; it comes down to individual person to person.   I have met someone in the Philippines whom I love.  We fit like a glove together, the headaches will be there but they are there at any age.   I like the music she likes, the easy attitude,  I lead a simple life eat sleep work hard and do it again the next day.  This is not enough for some older women.            I have been in the position to see my students in the past 25years here in Florida get married and divorced.   Not many make it, not many are happy that do.  It was the reason why I did not want to marry myself.   There are a few exceptions that do make it; it comes down to the individual exceptions.   The Philippines has shown me that you can be happy on $1.30 per day.  That you can sing and be close to your family.   Now a young girl has shown me how to love.   I see it as a gift; I see it as a chance to be happy for both of us.   In order to do that all things have to be let go.  I no longer take serious those who say it simply won’t work.  
I look at them and see if I could be happy like them.   But I am not them, I am different, the world allows different people to seek happiness.  The realization of failure is there, but that is at any age.  The risk are high I am told over and over again.  But the worst that happens is divorce and it is over 50 -50 here in the US at the average age.   Under those odds are my risks higher?  Well, we will see.   I did not want to marry someone who will take care of me in my old age.   I have taken care of myself till now with no help.  I am sure a nursing home would do a better job than any wife when the time comes.   I’ll be 86 when she is 45.  Many men leave their wives for younger ones at this time.  She will never have me leave her ever till I die.   There are many men who are not in the best of shape who die young and leave there wives behind.   So what happens to me will be no exceptions.   But I don’t want to be an apologist here.   The only way I can show you and the skeptics how wrong they are is to do it and 10 years from now still have a successful marriage.   How many skeptics will be divorced by then?   We don’t know, how many will have died young and left there young wives a window?  How many years would I have to be married happily till I could write this forum and say it was a good decision?   Who do I prove a point too, no one.   In the end I will be by myself and this girl, we will reap the reward or suffer the consequences.  I value this board for its diversified members, not all think alike or agree and that gives me more opinions and advices to base my decisions on.  

[surfscum]

... in response to Re: Hi Peter, Read "The Age differe..., posted by Peter Lee on Jun 18, 2003

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/latin/messages/43417.html

[Ray]

... in response to Wedding Plan Review, posted by Peter Lee on Jun 17, 2003

Peter,

It looks like you have things pretty well covered. I just have a few comments.

If you get a visitor visa before you go, it will be good for 59 days, not 54.

Unless the consular officer in Cebu wants your naturalization certificate, I don’t think you’ll need it. The Civil Registrar won’t require it. The fact that the name is different on the certificate I think would possibly only confuse the issue anyway. Your passport is evidence of both your ID and your citizenship.

Any picture ID for your fiancée should be good enough for the consulate.

For the parental consent, I know of no legal requirement that it be notarized or recent. To be safe, you might want to have her get a recent letter signed and dated by both parents granting their consent to your marriage.

For the marriage license, she will also need a certified copy of her birth certificate (or baptismal certificate), and a picture ID. You will need the legal capacity affidavit and your passport.

Because of her age, you will both likely be required to attend family planning and marriage counseling classes before they issue a license. If so, ask if they offer it in English.

When you file your visa petitions, you will send in photocopies of the certified marriage certificate, so you don’t need more than one original.
If she really wants a civil wedding, then don’t sweat it. If she changes her mind after the fact, you can always go back and do a church wedding at a later date.

All signatures on the G-325A should be original. The carbons aren’t required. If you wish, you can print one copy of the G-325A on plain white paper. Complete one page, make Xerox copies, then sign all copies in original. Also, bring a bunch of blank G-325A forms with her signature only, in case you need to redo them for some reason.

Bring a copy of the DS-230 Part I and help her complete it to make sure it’s done correctly. She may need this later for submittal to the embassy.

I would get a minimum of 4 ADIT photos for each of you. Go to Florofoto on Colon St.

Bring photocopies copies of your passport ID page.

Take lots of pictures.

Don’t drink the water.

Bring lots of rubbers if you don’t want children right away. DON’T trust her to take birth control! :-)

Better bring along some Viagra too!  (LOL)

One final question Peter: Was your choice of new name influenced at all by Bruce Lee??? (ROFL)

Ray