Extravagance?

[Cecil]

Hi Everyone,

Last Saturday I spent some time at my local jewelers taking a look at some engagement rings just in case one day I should need one.  I had to admire the beauty and elegance of the stones especially a fiery blue diamond he showed me.  As he was putting a diamond in a new setting, the stone fell out and he began to panic at the thought that he just lost a $3000 diamond.  This made me think that for what I would pay for this relatively small gem stone I could support my girlfriend's family for a year.  With the cost of one blue diamond a filipina who otherwise could not afford to go to school could go to college for 4 years and graduate.  Imagine a lady in the Phils who has no electricity or running water in her house will wear a ring which costs more than a house with a lot in her place.  As the jeweler searched for his miniscule treasure, it certainly provokes thought as to true value.

Cecil

[Zebson]

... in response to Extravagance?, posted by Cecil on Mar 20, 2001

Interesting areas of thought. For me the rings and things..all symbolize Love, devotion, tradition and commitment on different wavelengths. And of course everybody is going to interpret them differently. For me the key should be the thought value and the meaning behind the gift, not the actual value of the gift (i,e:ring, etc). That's where in my opinion we as Americans have gone way off course with material things and our value of them...I once received a little string band with glitter on it that my daughter made for me when she was 7 years old, she gave it to me saying Dad this is for you because I love you. That meant more than anything to me..it was very simple, but there was sincere innocent and true intentions behind it's giving and symbolism. I also gave my fiance a very simple double moonstone ring for our engagment ring, the important thing was that I sat down and told her about what it meant to me about US....That this ring represents two people, that are bonded in love and thought to care for one another. I gave it to her also as a symbol of our growing togetherness, our individuality yet our common bond of wanting to be together for the rest of our lives. She just really loved it..there was no trying to decifer the $ value or even the least question about it's worth. When I find someone who can truely see beyond attaching themselves to strongly to material things, financial values, etc..I feel it echoes into their life and living. I think you can then determine the richness and intergrity of what they value in life and the quality of human being they are.

[Jim H]

... in response to Extravagance?, posted by Cecil on Mar 20, 2001

Hello Cecil,

Yes, this extravagance guilt will be with me on my upcoming trip.  You see, Sally and I just booked the Manila Hotel  with an internet special rate of $80. per night - quite a bargain for a room that is normally over $200 for a bay view.  Usually I don't care about these first-class over-priced places, but the Manila Hotel, for me, has an interesting history: it was built in 1912, the same year that the Titanic sunk and Fenway Park opened, and served as McArthur's headquarters in WWII.  I have visions of myself strutting about the grounds with a corncob pipe and dark aviator glasses, staff trailing along, nodding my approval here and demanding improvement elsewhere )

But when Sally's brother comes to visit us there with his wife and children... well, this place will only add to their view of me as a 'rich American'.  I would prefer that they know me as the hard-working, self-made (and humble!) guy that I am.  They won't remember us trying to save money for two weeks on Camiguin, staying with Sally's Auntie or at Tia's Cottages w/fan for P300.

Next time in Manila I'll go back to the other end of the strip at the Aloha Hotel.  For $45. it's perfect: a sunset view of the bay, and a balcony from which I can smell the diesel fumes, hear the horns, and watch the children selling Sampaguitas to the cars at the corner of Quirino Ave. and Roxas Blvd.... aaaahhh, now that's Heaven!

Jim

[SteveG]

... in response to Extravagance?, posted by Cecil on Mar 20, 2001

Cecil,
 You are exactly right about the excessive extravagance we are accustomed to in the US.   I think that's exactly why the women (and men) here are so different from in the Philippines too.   To spend thousands of dollars on something that does nothing purely to prove that you can afford it seems crazy doesn't it?   Yet, I joined in the crowd and bought Melly an engagement ring.   Funny thing is she didn't really believe what I paid for it until later when she got to the US and saw the receipt.   NOBODY would be foolish enough to spend THAT much on a ring from a Filipina viewpoint!!!   (I spent about what you are talking about.)
  To defend my actions, I was influenced by a desire for her to have a ring as nice as other women when she got here to the US.   We sure could have used the money in many other places though, such as giving it to her mother to replace Melly’s monthly income that was basically supporting the family when we married.  (Her father passed away several years before we met.)
                                     SteveG

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Extravagance?, posted by SteveG on Mar 21, 2001

For me anyway.  With my experience, the fact that I lived too simple (but comfortable) a lifestyle made me seem bad. My ways were OK with my ex in the Philippines.  I didn't even run out of money before I went home.

But, once in the U.S., my home was too small, the furniture was lousy, I didn't buy her the right things for Christmas.  The list goes on and on.  But today I'm alot more comfortable living by myself than I was living with her.

Oh, yeah.  I bought the rings when she arrived in America (engagement and wedding).  They weren't expensive, were affordable, and looked real (or down-to-earth).  As early as two years later, she talked about trading up the rings.  As if (there obviously was) no sentimental value to those rings.

- Kevin

[Dave H]

... in response to Extravagance?, posted by Cecil on Mar 20, 2001

Hi Cecil,

I hope the jeweler found the blue diamond before he subjected you to a full cavity search. ;o))

I hear that engagement rings are becoming more common in the Philippines. All of the married Filipinas that I met had a wedding band or no ring at all. Since I would be leaving the Philippines one week after our engagement, I wanted my fiancee to have an engagement ring, to show my commitment to her. She would have to wait for the wedding band, until she arrived in the US. She protested, saying that it was not necessary. I insisted and we went shopping. After finding one that we both liked, I attempted to purchase it. It was hundreds of dollars less than I had intended and wanted to spend. My fiancee became anxious and wanted to leave. When I asked her why, she began to cry. She became ashamed and hid her face. Finally she told me that the cost of the ring was more than a months salary for her. I explained that it was small by AW and LW standards. I told her she was worth it and what I had available to spend.  After I wouldn't back down, she finally accepted and negotiated the price. I got Filipino prices and she saved me an additional 15%. ) Five months later, she still feels guilty.  

Dave H.