Let us learn from other's mistakes

[juio99]

... in response to Let us learn from other's mistakes, posted by KenC on Nov 30, 2002

Why can't we see how one sided we are about these stories.  We like the ones that cast FSU women in a good light and hate the ones that do the opposite.  We go out of our way to try to make the guys look bad.

And what is wrong with us when we continue to question the veractity of a story even when a completely stand up guy like Ken has vouched for the authenticity.

But for you KenC, can you tell us if this David is the same person as the previous DavidSD?

JR

[Richard]

... in response to I agree with KenC, posted by juio99 on Nov 30, 2002

I think this is more a case of the forums dislike of David's previous activities here at planet love rather than the way he portays the RW he is involved with.   To put it nicely, there was a reason that David was banned.

[Griffin]

... in response to Let us learn from other's mistakes, posted by KenC on Nov 30, 2002

He comes across as certifiable.

Sorry to be so cold.  It comes from living in New York City for 5 years.  When I first moved there my heart went out to the the occasional disturbed person, incomprehensibly  spewing his anger at the top of his lungs and spitting on passers by.  Finally I learned to just walk around them.

I am not proud of that adjustment, but I do believe it had to be made.

[Richard]

... in response to I don't know that there is much to learn..., posted by Griffin on Nov 30, 2002

I think that there is a lot to learn from David's posts - especially if you concentrate on the aspects relevant to relationships with RW.

I suspect that there are many men involved in this endeavor that don't have a lot of experience with women.  I also suspect that many men end up in relationships like David finds himself in now.   I know that my first relationship with an RW didn't turn out well and that I could be a situation similar to David's if I had brought her over.

I know we have heard this kind of story before - I posted mine in May 2002 - but I also think it is a story we to hear over and over again.  There are always new posters / lurkers here and some of the old timers may need to be reminded.

Ken C made some good points in his initial post.  Griffin, you also make some good points about David's background.   However, this is a forum about finding your other half abroad, not a mental health forum.  I think we should concentrate on the issues of David's story that are relevant here and hope that any other needs that David may have, are taken care of in the appropriate forum.

Just my humble opinion… your mileage may very.

[Zink]

... in response to I don't know that there is much to learn..., posted by Griffin on Nov 30, 2002

He doesn't show any signs of actually wanting help. He just wants to spout off. Ken, you can't help anyone until they make a conscious decision to help themselves. You want to help David? Get him away from his computers and teach him how to behave around real people. If he really is a genius he should be able to learn how to grow up. Life's a real b!tch and having one failed relationship isn't the end of the world. My "war stories" aren't as good as LP's and Globetrotter's but I've seen things that scarred people's souls. I don't have much sympathy for spoiled, rich boys that think they're better than everyone else.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Agreed., posted by Zink on Nov 30, 2002

Zinc, maybe he does want help, and this is his way of asking, in a very indirect way.  I know a Ph.D counselor who helped me, and others I know.  I don't know if I would have made it without lots of help.  If David tells me how to contact him, (Ph#) I would talk to him, and put the two of them together.  Maybe what he needs more than anything else is a group of friends who have gone through something similar, or worse, and they tell how they  "came back from the dead."  In effect an "Old Boy Network."

I don't know who your "shot" at supposed rich boys is aimed at.  I am not smart, I am lucky.  I tell myself everyday I don't know enough, and try to learn more, and I ask stupid questions.  If you think you are the smartest person, you never ask questions as you already know everything, and your learning curve comes to a screeching halt.  I do what I do because that is what I do best.  If someone perceives my life to have been more colorful than others, so be it.  However, there is also a price to be paid for lessons learned.

David, you can come out of this wonderfully with some help.
I always thought I was the toughest (emotionally)and in complete control, until my "Bimbette" wife left, stole, cheated and lied.  Her lawyer was also a hit man's son, with lots of friends, and said he could "bury" me.  No job, no money, heartbroken, feeling betrayed, and under attack emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically, and very much alone.  I was so bad off, I was sizing up my pool cue case to see if the sawed-off 20 gauge would fit inside, so I could teach her a lesson, then end my wreched life.
That day, many people, seeing I was in incredible pain visited me.  One offered me a job, a crappy one, but a job.
It forced me out of the house, to see people, to interact.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself, put half inch lexan in the bay windows that faced the woods, in case someone fired a .223 shell at me.  I let it be known to "my favorite attorney" that if my dog got hit by a car, or my house burned down, etc., that my Asian Godfather would not like this and hold he and his family personally responsible.  My lawyer suggested I see a counselor, which I did.  People "propped" me up, overseas friends called to see I was OK.  I was back in control.  My lawyer said I had talents others didn't have, and my money troubles were only temporary.  I fixed tractors on weekends to pay my mortgage.  I went into 6 figure debt, and I was 38.  My divorce took 3 years and was as brutal as any I have ever heard told.  Now I'm 50, and better off and happier than I have ever been, and know I havn't done my best work yet.  Emotionally, I'm 10 times stronger for having gone through the ordeal and survived.

Life is just a series of challenges.  It doesn't matter what happens to you.  What does matter is what you do about it.  You have a wonderful chance to learn about human behavior, and come out of this stronger than before.  Frank Sinatra would say, "The greatest revenge is massive success."  Do something for humanity, invent something, run for public office, but find a cause to "champion."  What we do for ourselves while on the planet, when we die, we take with us.  What we do for others, we leave behind...like Ewing Kauffman.  Please use your skills and talents to leave this place better than you found it.  I am not too smart, and try to learn something new every day.  Use this crap situation to learn, and better yourself.  

If you want to talk, give me a phone# and a time, and I'll call you, and pass on some resources that helped me.  Because if a dope like me can get through the "test" I was put through, you should be able to kick my ass.

Good Luck, God Bless, Keep the Faith (and the shiny side up!!!)    

   

[BURKE89]

... in response to Re: Agreed., posted by Globetrotter on Nov 30, 2002

Trotter,

I enjoyed your post very much. You appear to have a rare combination of grit and compassion, sans bitterness. I too believe: David is reaching out, albeit in a rather convoluted fashion.  

Empathy... is a grand notion.

God Bless,

Vaughn        

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Agreed., posted by Globetrotter on Nov 30, 2002

Globe, I like your attitude and what you said. But I'm only human too and I remember a lot of what he said on this board and others. He insulted people and bragged about how he and his dady owned more than the rest of us could. That's where the rich boy comment came from. Not the best behavior on my part but I can't change what I wrote now. And I wouldn't even if I could. I make mistakes but I admit to them.

As for myself, I'm no better or worse than anyone else. I've lead an interesting life so far and I'm just trying to stay out of the worst of the sh!t. I had bullets go by me and I've seen people die in bad ways. Some were people I cared deeply about. I've had my heart ripped out and handed back to me. I'd be lying if I said I handled it well. I survived sometimes with help and sometimes not. I understand very clearly what you are trying to do and I respect that. My heart still goes out to the people who picked me up when I fell.

I have a very low tolerance for arrogance and rudeness although I am sometimes guilty of them myself. I treat everyone with a certain level of respect unless they prove that they aren't worthy of that respect. David's past behavior made me lose that for him. I'm not so quick to forgive and forget bad behavior, especially as extreme as his was. But that's just me. I wish you luck in helping him out.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Re: Agreed., posted by Zink on Nov 30, 2002

You seem like a nice fellow.  Our North American society is one in which we kill each other over parking spaces...at least south of where you are.  Tolerance, tolerance, get along, understand others!  Why not?  Everyone is not alike in their upbringing or environment.  Some think they are smarter than everyone else.  So be it!  Help when you can,
come "gunning" when necessary...don't you think?

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Agreed., posted by Globetrotter on Nov 30, 2002

Yes, I agree with you. There is little tolerance in the world. The thing that annoys me the most about our society is that people too often try to pull the people around them down instead of helping them up. I've met people who were much worse off than us that were more willing to help others. But then when you don't have much, you depend on that help and are more willing to give it in return.

I'm not a vindictive sort and I won't go out of my way to hurt others as long as they leave me alone. But neither will I go out of my way to help someone that I've lost respect for. I can find enough trouble just by sticking up for the people I do like.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Agreed., posted by Zink on Nov 30, 2002

Nice post.  Because of your superior intellect, think of yourself as the "fastest gun" in the west...or for you the toughest RCMP.  You are so tough, you don't have anything to prove to anyone.  Help, but help whereby nobody knows it's you helping.  Then, when nobody but you knows that it was you who made the difference, then you will feel the best in your entire life.  You are young and have lots of time.  Live a little longer...give a little more.  You won't regret the feeling!

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Agreed., posted by Globetrotter on Nov 30, 2002

I'm not that tough. I've been knocked around enough to know what it's like to hurt. I'm not the smartest or the toughest and I knew long ago that I never would be. But you are right in that I have nothing to prove. I like myself and that is much more important than what others think of me. I do like your theory on helping out.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Agreed., posted by Zink on Nov 30, 2002

Good for you then...as you're already there.  Just think of all those who can't think like you, and never will get there.  3 Cheers!

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Agreed., posted by Globetrotter on Nov 30, 2002

n/t

[wsbill]

... in response to Let us learn from other's mistakes, posted by KenC on Nov 30, 2002

What this guy sez over on the Yahoo message board of DYN and ADSX.  This guy is clearly has no ground to stand on in the civil sense.  Pure garbage.

Imagine what he must say to his wife to belittle her and regain some sort of control over her.

Clearly he lacks, social and personality skills.
This guy is pathetic.

IF any of you guys are like this....hang it up.  Seek out counseling.  Your gyro inside is wobbling.  You need to resolve these inner problems before you can move on in life.
Other wise, your going to be having troubled relationships until the end of time.

You wanna know what's really warped about this is KenC
is standing up for the guy.  I guess he is doing his scholarly duty as this is KenC line of work.

Kudo to you, KenC.