Update: Need advice

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Fwiw...., posted by LP on Dec 1, 2002

See...that wasn't so tough.  A good post with good advice to help the guy who appears to be down.  Help when possible, come "gunnung" when necessary.

[LP]

... in response to Re: Fwiw...., posted by Globetrotter on Dec 1, 2002

...found it tough, I only find it deserving. You need to understand the history here to understand why some need advice and why some are morons who'll never take any. Many guys wouldn't learn if they were slapped upside the head. This guy just might benefit beyond his present situation so I'll take the time to tell him what I think.

But only once or twice because, like anyone else, I've got my own crosses to bear.

[John LV]

... in response to Fwiw...., posted by LP on Dec 1, 2002

Thanks LP, but believe me, I'm not lying about any of this, I wish I were, but I'm not, its the sad truth I'm afraid. Why would I lie and make myself look like a fool anyway?

The car LP is in both our names, so as I understand it, I have just as much right to the car as she does? She already called the police on me and apparently told them I stole HER car, but the car is in both our names.

I can take it within the law correct?

[LP]

... in response to Re: Fwiw...., posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

...Whose name is the name under? Is that joint also? Keep the car, or sell it to afford you legal consul. Or give it back, to her. Do what your lawyers says. Remember, everything you do from here on will be judged down the road. Remember that everytime you make a decision.

Fwiw, I don't think you're lying. I know too much about you. I took a dim view of the threats you made against me in the past and way back then decided to learn something about you in case it was needed. Lucky for you, it wasn't. You see David, the one thing I learned from my previous career as an LEO was that System kicks ass better than anyone. It can really screw up one's life. While the government may be inefficent, the legal system is like the Terminator. Once it comes after you, once you're caught in The Machine, it never forgets and will never, ever stop until it gets you. With the advent of modern information technology there are no almost cracks for someone to fall through.

You must always remember this. The System can be a powerful friend if you use it correctly, or it can be an enemy that'll eat you alive. Although I'm speaking mainly of the criminal justice system, the civil system is nothing to be trifled with either. Use it to your advantage now. Put the emotions aside and stop worrying about such pissy things as the car or what you should do on your own. There is *no* saving this marriage, that should have been obvious to you long ago. See an attorney asap and do exactly what he tells you because he knows the system, he knows what kind of foe it can be. You haven't a clue and, like most people, will make several mistakes you'll regret later if you wing it now.

This *will* pass, other's have suffered through it and survived. I know it's difficult but you need to to focus on your future *now* to insure you don't repeat this experience. And that includes a serious examination of your role in this little adventure because I for one, having witnessed your behavior in the past, do not believe it's all her fault. That may be a tough thing for you to swallow right now but I'm positive them be the facts. If you recall, many people foresaw this experience based solely on your personality. I'm not gonna rub your face in it but you need to consider everything for the sake of your future. Even though it takes two to tango, in general if do as you've always done you'll always get the same results. This simple life lesson is amazingly difficult for many people to learn.

I'm sorry for your pain now that it's plain to me you have issues not related to this experience that you're perhaps unable to control. Focus on the longterm, but remember that this will pass and you *will* survive it. You are not alone, I think many of the men involved in MOB stand a good chance of being eaten alive because of their lifestyle and lack of interpersonal relationships skills. It's ironic they should be the last people to be involved in this endeavor but thats why they need to excericse more restraint and caution.

Amazingly, most don't. They chose to let their emotions rule their intellect and often pay the price. You were already behind the curve and now it's time to learn from it. I shall leave you with that advice, take it for what you feel it's worth.

Good luck...

[John LV]

... in response to Well...., posted by LP on Dec 1, 2002

Thanks LP, I promise to keep what you have said in mind, and I appreciate your advice.

I hope that you can forgive any bad things I may have said to you in the past, this experience is certainly a humbling one.

Thanks for your help.

David

[John LV]

... in response to Questions, posted by Charles on Dec 1, 2002

Well that would be a good trick huh?

I guess the only answer I can think of Charles, is that you must be mistaken. I never wrote to you concerning the I-864 to my knowledge, I did all my own paperwork, and didn't need help from anyone to do it.

I was married to Natasha on July 3rd 2001, if you don't want to believe that, its ok with me, but I would have no idea why you and some others would be so skeptical, is is that everyone in this world lies?

I thought the Russian culture was filled with distrust, and the lack of God, but now I'm not so sure the American culture is any different.

But speaking of the I-864, yes that has me very worried, if you know about this, I would appreciate any advice you can offer.

I spoke with the INS over the phone, the girl that I spoke with basically told me that what I need to do is to write the INS a letter, explaining the situation, and explaining that I would not like Natasha to get her permanant greed card based upon marriage to me.

I had thought that if we got divorced, this was automatic, apparently it is not, apparently there is a chance she can stay here anyway?

If this is the case, by what basis can she get public assistance anyway? Welfare? What? How could she be able to do this? And is that all I need to worry about, or are there other things that I need to be concerned about?

And how can the INS allow this to happen, why would they allow her to stay if she has done this to me, do they not open the doors then for every scam girl out there to do the same? Believe me Natasha has many Russian girl friends who are teaching her, and even encouraging her, telling her what to do, and how to do it.

Why does the INS allow this? Surely I cannot be the only one, and surely the INS knows these things are happening? They should be less tolerant to what some of these scammer girls can pull off.

I guess if things get too bad, it will be time to move to Mexico after all.

[Charles]

... in response to Re: Questions, posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

Well, I got my dates mixed up, but we did correspond - I just can't add.  You do need to be concerned about the I-864 as this could obligate you to pay for all public assistance given to this woman for 10 years from the issuance of the inital green card.  Based on your description of her work history and habits, this is not a risk that should be overlooked.  If she's unemployed, she qualifies for food stamps, medicaid and welfare payments.  It is your obligation to provide her with the minimum income to keep her off welfare.  That figure is contained in the I-864 documents - probably about $15,000 a year but check to be sure.

You are correct that she can stay if she claims abuse, but as of this time it appears she has not done that, but don't rule it out.  You might want to document the absence of abuse.  The other, more often used, technique to stay in the U.S. is to claim that the marriage was entered into in good faith but just did not work out.  You need to see an immigration lawyer in your area on this one in order to convince INS that she should not receive a permanent green card that will keep you obligated on the I-864.  As I mentioned in the post below when this issue was raised, I would strongly suggest putting your resources into this issue as opposed to the divorce.  Since you haven't been married that long and have no children or real property, the divorce should be relatively painless and inexpensive.  There just isn't much to fight over.  So put your legal dollars into fighting her with INS.  Otherwise, you may be fronting her health and welfare payments for a long time.

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Re: Questions, posted by Charles on Dec 1, 2002

Man that is scary, curse me for my mistakes, I can't believe I walked into this one, I liken myself to a cocky fish in the river, who thought I was too smart for anything or anyone to get me, and then a nice piece of bait came my way and I went for it, and got reeled in, and now I'm sitting on the boat gasping for air, wondering, what happen?

God sure has a way of humbling those who are worth humbling, I'm sorry I ever became too proud, what a fool I have been.

Once again I must humble myself before God, and with my fellow man.

Yes I'm scared now, I will see how much an attorney is going to cost me on Monday.

Thank you,

David

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Questions, posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

Yes, there is something more to worry about...health insurance.  I believe that if she were to receive medical treatment via Medicaid, you could be billed.  Look into it, but I think you need to keep her insured until she leaves the country or she marries someone else.  Just think, a car accident injury or an apendectomy could cost you 20grand!

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Questions, posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

I forgot to mention, apparently there is some provisional law that would allow Natasha to stay here if she were a battered wife, either physically or mentally?

She has threatned me on many occasions that she would lie to the police claiming I beat her up in order to stay in this country.

Yes, that is the type of girl I mistakenly married, and yes I'm very worried about her, that is why I'm going to file for a restraining order against her, to try to cover my own behind.

She is dangerous, absolutely downright dangerous, she will do anything to stay in this country, even lie to the police, she has already threatned me that if I don't give her car back, she will get me into huge trouble with the police, I asked her how she would do this, and she would not answer.

But I have done nothing wrong, but still I'm afraid of her, a woman like her is capable of anything, my only hope is that I come out of this alive and not in jail.

I need a lawyer but don't know that I can afford one.

[Jski]

... in response to Re: Re: Questions, posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

You claim to make 150K and don't know if you can afford a lawyer?

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Questions, posted by Jski on Dec 1, 2002

Making 150K was an exageration I'm afraid. I started trading 8 months ago, and at first I lost about 3K, then I started to learn how trading was done and I started doing much better, I got lucky a few times and made some really good money, and I speculated that if I could keep that up, I would make about 150K per year. However, I took some bad losses recently, so I not doing as well as I thought, however I'm still doing pretty good.

But I'm unwilling to touch my trading account unless absolutely necessary, you have to remember that its my only source of income right now, and trading is not easy. If I touch what I have in my trading account anymore than what I already have, I won't be able to do it for a living anymore.

I don't know how much a lawyer is going to cost, but my guess is 2,000 or so, thats going to be a little difficult under the circumstances, my wife has tapped out my checking account, and she has run up 8K in credit card bills, and I have 3500 a month in bills to pay. So I'm basically tapped out, my only hope is to do very well with trading over the next couple of months and get these bills paid off, but just as easy as that could happen, I also could take a big hit to my account in the market doesn't do well, or if a stock I'm in takes a bad fall.

Its risky business, but its the biggest challenge I've ever faced and I like it, and if your good, you can make a fortune, I'm trying to get good, everyday I work on my skills, it's fun, it's rewarding, it's challenging, and I enjoy it, although it is hard work.

I trade from 5:00am pst to 5:00pm pst 5 days a week, it's very demanding but like I said, it can be very rewarding.

David

[Jski]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Questions, posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

[This message has been edited by Jski]

If you have assets you can't afford NOT to have a lawyer.  If she's smart, she'll get one and freeze that trading account of yours as its a marital asset.  First one into court stakes the claims, its up to the respondent to refute them.  The $2000 might get the paperwork started and maybe get him into court once or twice.  If you have a fight on your hands I would revise that estimate upwards 4 to 5 fold.
I've done it both ways....Nasty drawn out legal battle that drained my accounts (thankfully I was real young and no houses), and the latest one done over coffee and $200 to a friend of a friend lawyer to draw it up.  I wouldn't do the later unless you have complete trust in her and what you are doing.  From the sounds of it, you don't.

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Questions, posted by Jski on Dec 1, 2002

Well the reality of the situation is that she doesn't have any money; the only way she is surviving now is off some guy who has now become the sucker. Personally I don't think she is going to make it here in this country, she won't get a job, and even if she did she won't be able to keep it, whoever she is going out with right now will eventually get tired of her and get rid of her, she has no car, she has no money, and the real kicker is supposedly her mother coming out here on December 19th, I have no idea where her mother will even stay, and I had no idea she was even coming. I had thought they need me to make the invitation like I did last time, but perhaps I'm wrong?

Anyway, I don't think she has two feet to stand on; I could go file the divorce paperwork myself for 152 dollars, give her last address as the one I'm at now, she will never get the paperwork, and by default I'll be granted a divorce.

You have got to remember something, this girl is very ignorant, she has no idea about credit, about money, about bills, writing checks, etc etc. If it weren’t for other Russian girls coaching her, she wouldn't know anything at all. It’s like dealing with a 13-year-old little girl, even though I've met 13-year-old girls with more sense than her.

You have to remember; she went out with me so she can't be all that smart. But seriously, I think she has gotten herself into big trouble, there is one thing I forgot to mention.

The guy who she went out with, I know his number, I called him, he seems like a very nice guy, he told me he had no idea she was married, and she later admitted to me that he didn't know because she didn't tell him. Well guess what, this guy is on my side now and he says he will help me by simply telling the truth about what happen.

She is caught, she is guilty, I don't think a Judge or the INS is going to believe one word out of her lying mouth, I have letters written in Russian with me now, I believe once I have them translated, it will further show her character.

Little does she know it, but she will hang herself, I don't need to do anything really, except for file for divorce, notify the INS, get a restraining order against her, and move out onto my own and leave her alone.

She is going to lose all of her books her at the apartment, and she has 50 boxes worth of them that weigh 2,000 lbs, but she thinks she is so smart that she will be able to save them. Like I said, she is ignorant, she does not believe that the apartment managers will kick us out of the apartment for not paying the rent, that is how ignorant she is and how much of a fantasy world she lives in. Apparently in Russia everyone gets a free apartment, so getting kicked out is foreign to her, everybody gets a free education, so having to pay for college makes no sense to her, everybody gets free medical and dental, so having to pay 2000 dollars for her dentist work is something I must be lying about to her.

She is psychotic I believe, she is headed for disaster; she will hang herself and doesn't even know it. I predict she will be back in Moscow within 1-2 months on her own accord. I don't believe she is going to pose me any threat at all once I'm able to escape from her, everything is going to start tomorrow morning, movers will come get my stuff and put it into storage, I will turn in my key to the manager and let them know of the situation, and I will then find another place to live and move in, once I do all of that I will file for divorce and notify the INS.

Her game is almost over.

[Charles]

... in response to Update: Need advice, posted by John LV on Dec 1, 2002

[This message has been edited by Charles]

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