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[MarkInTx]

... in response to Yes she does..., posted by Jski on Oct 19, 2002

Then I think the age thing is much less of a concern (IMHO).

My experience is that a 24 year old woman with a child is a LOT more mature than most 38 year old single women. (ESPECIALLY one of the "Sex in the CIty" types running around America!)

If you two have children the same age, you are both on the same time lines in your lives.

Even when I was dating somenoe here in America, if the woman had a child about the age of my daughter's, we hit it off. We were going through the same things -- our kids were at the same developmental stages -- we were both settled in to the same time line (9 more years before graduation...)

I would say that "birth" age is over-rated. "Life" age is not.

You guys sound like a good fit.

Good luck!

[Jski]

... in response to Then..., posted by MarkInTx on Oct 19, 2002

I agree.  Her response to the age issue was that her first husband was 10 years older and that was comfortable for her, she was not interested in anyone younger than that.  I almost didn't write the first letter as it was a concern of mine, though based upon an AW point of view.  I quite happy that I took the opportunity.  All the others that I wrote to had children as well.  Though I would be taking on more than just a wife should something come of this, I felt that was a commanlity that I wanted to have and I wanted to be able to see the mother / child interaction for the benefit of my daughter as well.  

I have followed your experience through the archives as well.  I wish you the best of luck and a speedy K-1 process!  Perhaps if all goes well with mine, our ladies can meet sometime.  Wichita to Texas isn't that far, as long as I'm not riding that SAAB 340 prop job.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Then..., posted by Jski on Oct 19, 2002

Yes, keep me posted.

BTW, if your daughter is anything like mine, she will love having a new sibling. I was worried about that when I first started out. But I needn't have been. My daughter is almost as excited about this as I am.

You are right, Wichita isn't that far. If things work out, keep in touch... we can get together sometime.

(I have this hunch I won't be invited to Jack's yearly BBQ this year... so we'll have to do our own get-together...)

I still like the idea of having a P-L get-together in Vegas sometime!

[Zink]

... in response to Re: To Clarify, posted by Jski on Oct 19, 2002

Your method is what I used. I've written to aproximately 100 women. Most lasted only 1-3 letters. A few made a month or more. 3 have lasted many months of correspondance. Guess which ones I went to see?

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: Re: To Clarify, posted by Zink on Oct 19, 2002

But at least you had three that you had written to that you were able to meet..  I do not only advocate meeting more than one woman (for reasons I have already mentioned in other posts), but I think that it is a very important thing to write before going and learn as much as you can..  The writing will definitely narrow the options down naturally for you, as with your particular example.
Unfortunately, some guys get lazy and just go to meet many women without ever having screened one of them through writing.. To not have written to any of the women you plan to meet before going to me is pretty much saying "I'm just here to party!", which is fine if that is all a guy is trying to accomplish. It is a lot of work to really commit yourself to writing in depth with several women and some guys just don't want to take the time to do it..

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: To Clarify, posted by Oscar on Oct 19, 2002

On my first 3 trips I met 1 lady, the same one every trip. On my last trip I met 2 for dating purposes. In my case I had a couple of relatively local RWs(one from Canada and one from the US) giving me advice with my first lady. So although I didn't meet a lot of girls for my first several trips(just friends and family of my girlfriend), but I did get to learn a lot about RWs. I had their take on what my lady was thinking. Didn't help in the end but it was good experience. I also had several guys who've been heavily involved in this pursuit helping me for a long time.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: To Clarify, posted by Oscar on Oct 19, 2002

There is an intrinsic contradiction, though...

If you write many women with the intention of seeing all of them, it will inhibit your ability to draw intimate through the letetrs. (I am speaking of emotional intimacy, not sexual).

I know that in my case, Victoria's letters with me followed a natural progression. It was only after we had invested in each other emotionally that we could discuss some of the more important things in our letters.

I couldn't have done this with more than one woman at once.

Maybe that's just me. I couldn't go and have sex with five women in a week, either. To me, intimacy is a give and take thing, and it is only shared with one woman.

I guess everyone is different.

But if I had three women as backups, I would have never gotten to know Victoria as well prior to going over.

[Oscar]

... in response to There is an intrinsic contradiction, tho..., posted by MarkInTx on Oct 19, 2002

Well, this is where we differ Mark, because I would not advocate a LONG correspondence before meeting a woman, but perhaps a 3-4 month correspondence at most!  There are so many men who have done the very long, inlvolved approach and then met the girl at the airport or wherever, and within the first 10 minutes one or both KNOW there is no "in-person" chemistry at all..  It's great if they BOTH feel that way but very hurtful when only one does.  A YEAR perhaps down the tubes..  
To me, getting that intimate with a woman you have never met personally sounds very romantic, sure, but in reality I think it is very unsound and unwise.  It can create a false sense of committment just as becoming physical too quickly in a relationship can do (I am not speaking of you or anyone in particular), it can create a distorted sense of committment on one or both parts.

I think to come to know several women from a casual but gently probing perspective through correspondence, assessing qualities of friendship and compatibility as far as interests etc., is great, but to keep the very intimate stuff for after you have actually met them and narrowed the field down naturally..    

These thoughs are just my personal opinion of course..

[Jski]

... in response to There is an intrinsic contradiction, tho..., posted by MarkInTx on Oct 19, 2002

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[KenC]

... in response to /, posted by thesearch on Oct 18, 2002

Greg,
You said, "the way I see it, what has been called unnatural and forced (referring to meeting several women versus one) more appropriately describes the act of traveling half way around the world to meet a woman you have never met for the purpose of exploring marriage. That is what is more unnatural."  I agree 100%.  The key phrase here is "EXPLORING MARRIAGE" though, not to meet ONE woman.  Leading with marriage on your mind is where the danger is, as I see it.  Forcing the woman into your need to get married is what seems unnatural to me.  Marriage is the end result of having a strong relationship with a woman whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
-
How you find THAT woman is a whole other story.  Some here say they found the perfect woman because they interviewed hundreds.  Sorry, I don't buy that.  What ever the odds are to find the "right woman" are the same with every woman you meet.  Like flipping a coin, your odds are 50/50 EVERY single time you flip it.  I have always advocated that guys continue to date AW as they pursue RW.  You never know where you might find the right one for you.
KenC

[landscaper]

... in response to correction, posted by KenC on Oct 19, 2002

hello ken, how are you. interesting reading some of your previous posts.

i gather you also found your russian wife on the internet. you went to meet her and a few others, correct. you liked the lady that ended up being your wife but you also had enough forsite to meet other ladies. if this is correct i compliment you. i wonder how many other men would have had the strength, some might even say the intelligence, to have done such.

question please. i am not sure i understand your logic, but would like to. you say that it does not matter if you meet hundreds of ladies or a few, the odds of one finding the right woman are like flipping a coin, they are 50/50 every single time you flip it. i am sure luck will always be a factor in anything we do but i would prefer luck to have a lesser role although I would like to do everything possible to increase more luck opportunites. wouldn't a man, in general, and let's eliminate the luck factor for sake of my questioning here, wouldn't a man have better odds at finding a compatiable wife if he was to try and find 10 ladies of significant interest to visit and meet as oppossed to meeting 3.

[Oscar]

... in response to question ken, posted by landscaper on Oct 20, 2002

Well, that is the rub isn't it?  You have asked a question that is very controvertial around here! LOL!  To meet one or meet a few?  I am certainly in the latter approach.  
I believe you write to MANY (also run some ads), narrow that down through correspondence to perhaps 8 or 10 that you are really excited to meet, go there and meet them, narrow down some more to just a few, then meet those girls families and friends, ask the right questions etc., and go from there.  

My two cents-

[landscaper]

... in response to Re: question ken, posted by Oscar on Oct 20, 2002

oscar thanks for your input. i cannot see doing this without meeting several women. thanks for the good advice.

[Zink]

... in response to Re: question ken, posted by Oscar on Oct 20, 2002

Your method is logical. And I do advise people to try it. The thing is some of us are just hard wired to be "one woman men". I feel bad for the guys who are like me and only want to meet one or two and they are constantly told they are stupid. Be prepared for things to go badly, but do what you are comfortable with. It's your life and you don't need to use a method that you don't like. Just don't come home crying that it was someone else's fault if it didn't work the way you hoped.

We only fail if we never try.

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: Re: question ken, posted by Zink on Oct 20, 2002

No Zink, I will not say you are stupid for taking the Vo approach.  The "one woman man" thing is certainly fine for whoever strongly feels that way, but from the very first second??  I won't say it's stupid but I can say I just don't understand it..  I think even if a guy only writes to 2 or 3 women and just meets them, or even narrows it down to just 2, fine, at least he will gain some perspective..