successful disaster

[joe]

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

I feel you may have just had the wind sucked from your sails. This is a good think for all newbies to see. This is not a fairy tale. When these women get here, they are going through an array of propogandized notions, fear, alienation and who knows what else. Mostly it is not personal-they are just very afraid. So if you have a trailer or live on a pig farm...........EMPHASIZE YOUR LIFESTYLE. Do not romanticize or glorify. Be honest. As far as Snowwego, take a deep breath. Your girl is just wondering how you are going to support her-as you obviously live in squalor
You must explain that your are a bachelor and this is all that you needed. BUT, now that she is here, you wish to work towards a better life-if this IS the way you feel.
Trust me-these women do motivate you!
I have seen men buy new houses, get higher degrees of education, move across country-for the first time, al because of the influence of a RW.
So good luck.
And Newbies-if you do not have the minerals-stay away. If you think AW are tough, wait till you life with her FSU siter. They are the REAL DEAL!
Joe

[snowwego]

... in response to From the looks of your post...., posted by joe on Oct 4, 2002

I in the process of of building a 1800 squre foot house. I have an 1100 sq ft house. and I have a it beautifully landscaped because I am a landscape contractor. I do not live in a squaller. paved wallkways and garden paths. I also sent her many videos of where I live an of my work and the area I live. From the start and I told I make a better than average income and the proofs of stocks and bonds. and of assests.

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: From the looks of your post...., posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

I agree with a lot of what Mark says.. and I am really sorry for your situation.  It's easy to get her butt back on the plane to Kherson IMMEDIATELY (which I would do!), that's the easy part.. the hard part is trying to make sense of it all and get over the loss of care, time and money you put into the whole bloody thing.  But I really have to say that I would find it very difficult to believe that you would have seen absolutely nothing that would have set off your warning bells before this!  Most of the guys I have spoken to who have had things go bad said that they saw some things that worried them but they just looked the other way because they wanted it to work so bad etc,.  Or they admitted she was such a hottie they were thinking with the wrong head or they just didn't want to start the search all over again after all the investment they had made in the girl, they just couldn't see it straight to cut their losses.

Hang in there and know that whatever there was that you may have been unwilling to address or look at in her, you CAN learn from it and you CAN find another woman who IS sincere, loving and honest!  You may not feel that way right now, but you will see it in time.

"How quickly flow the sands of life, save in the hour of pain"
(Subtitle from the silent film "The Hunchback of Notre Dame")

Of course I am not the one in pain so I can look at it a little more objectively, but I look at it this way-
You are now just one step closer to finding that woman you really need to be with.. this one was NOT it! This stumbling block has now been removed and now you can move on to that woman who is truly waiting for you...

Good Luck,
Oscar

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: From the looks of your post...., posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Rick,

First off, I think the world of you for sharing all of this. It isn't easy to come on here and say: "I made a mistake" and let the armchair analysts have a crack at you.

Hell, it's not easy to come on here and say: "I'm happy!" and let the armchair QBs play their game.

But... since you have posted, and I think you probably are looking for people to talk to about this who are at least a little sympathetic, and who might offer some counsel...

Here is one thing I think happened:

When you had her quit her job, and started sending money to her every month, you raised her standard of living too high.

Here she is thinking that life in America is better than Kherson. The life she lived in Kherson was deplorable. You come and change that. You send her a princely sum every month, and she moves out of her old apartment and into a nice place.

Remember that the dollar buys A LOT over there. So she moves into the rich side of town and lives like a Princess.

But in her mind... she's still thinking: "When I get to America, it will be even better!"

And so the bar got raised impossibly high.

I really think that this set expectations that you couldn't fulfill.

However.. having said that, I must add: This is MAINLY about her bad charcater.  And, honestly, you had a lot of glimpses of this before she ever got here. Even your lawyer/interpreter told you that.

I think two things are incredible:

ONE, that you have the guts to say: "No, I'm not putting up with this!" Good move! Hats off to you! You are making a VERY good decision, and a lot of guys wouldn't. You are to be commended for that.

TWO, I'm amazed that she is being so transparent.

I honestly thought that when you told her: "You know what, you can go back to Kherson and resume your life B.R. "BEFORE RICK" -- that she would recant, and suddenly try to work things out with you again. I think if she takes the time to honestly think about going back, and picking up where she was before she met you... that she is going to suddenly have a new attitude.

BUT DON'T BUY IT!

You have had a vision of true clarity here. You know what she is now. Don't let her dissuade you.

And forget this: "Give her a month vacation" crap. You've paid your dues. Giving her two days is too much! Send her packing now! You owe her nothing! Not you. Other guys, maybe. But I know how hard you tried on this. You owe her NOTHING.

Is she a scammer? I disagree with that. But I certainly think she is a lady with poor character, and if you wanted that, you could have married any AW nearby.

You are doing the right thing.

Years from now, though, you'll look back and tell yourself: "Honestly, I should have seen it coming, though..."

[Ramblin]

... in response to Yes.. but, posted by MarkInTx on Oct 5, 2002

I agree 100%.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

Rick,

I'm really sorry to hear this! I was hoping that things would be OK when she got here...

[Stevo]

... in response to successful disaster, posted by snowwego on Oct 4, 2002

for a little while to see if things change?  My wife thought our house was 'small and old' when she first arrived, plus she hated the inside (decor).  She said she was ready to go back to Russia after stepping through the doorway.  Now my house is a 2600 square foot contemporary, so it isn't exactly small, but she was used to the homes in movies.  Any way, she now thinks it is 'too big' (too much cleaning).  And the food issue takes a long time to resolve (at least 6 months).

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Stevo

[Patrick]

... in response to Sorry to hear this.  Any chance you can ..., posted by Stevo on Oct 4, 2002

I think the writing is on the wall in this case and it's flashing in big red letters- "EXIT."   No sense in trying to convince himself that she's something other than what she really is.

When my wife arrived, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and it wasn't even a very good one.  We didn't buy a house until two years after she got here.  There were no complaints.

The woman described here obvously thought she was marrying a "rich" guy and is also, from what was written, not likely to assimilate into our culture in any significant way.

[Frank O]

... in response to Better to quit now, posted by Patrick on Oct 4, 2002

WOW! I'm new to this & I have my 1st trip coming out so this is good for me man. It obviously sounds she DOESN"T care about him because otherwise it wouldn't matter. When I was married to my 1st wife we lived in MY HOUSE but it was my little bachelor pad home. It had 1 room that served as a living room bedroom combo! 1 kitchennette & a bathroom. We lived there FOR THREE YEARS MAN!!! THEN we moved to my current home which has 2 bedrooms a living room kitchen & bath but it's only 900 some square feet. That is a shame. But better now than later. Sorry to hear this. I've laid ALL my NEGATIVE down with my lady so she knows what she is in for. However I've never met her so who knows. I could be in for a rude awakening in Luhansk. In either case I'm prepared for the worst. I'm going to have a blast regardless.

[wsbill]

... in response to agreed man..., posted by Frank O on Oct 4, 2002

When you answer this... maybe you should create a new thread, as I can see the guys lining up with their answers for a guy going over for one lady.

Hey, don't feel bad... I did the exact same thing on the second trip over. (Their words resonated with me when I was there feeling kinda stupid).

Live learn... Get a backup plan before you go!

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